Today's Big Stuff 10.17.22

10.17.22

It’s Monday. There are 22 days until the midterm elections (early voting started in Georgia today!). Another billionaire idiot buys a social media platform, DOJ wants Bannon to see some jail time and a BFD for deaf Americans.

Be advised: This newsletter cusses a lot. It just wouldn’t be enough to say Kanye is a fudging poophead.

Note: Howdy, Sexy Patriots! How the heck was your weekend? That good? Wow. We don’t know how you do it. You party like a damn rock star all weekend then show up here Monday morning looking sexy and patriotic as all hell. Us? We’re doing great. You know how normally Republicans do like 50 insane things over the weekend and then by the time we sit down to write we’re overwhelmed so some of them fall through the cracks? Well not this time…

GROSS!!!! OZ IS A PISS-SIPPER! Now we’re here to tell you that there was a time in this country when the news that a major US Senate candidate drank his own goddamn pee would’ve been big fucking news. It would’ve lasted for days, been its own SNL sketch and remembered for years after a cynical, grotesque and humiliating campaign came to an end.

But now it’s like oh “Dr.” Oz drank his own piss? And he lied about the reason why? And he seems to be drinking his own piss while we’re having this conversation? Yawn ok whatever. And then you’re like I’m sorry I don’t think you heard me right I said THAT WEIRD MOTHERFUCKER WHO TORTURED AND KILLED DOGS WANTS TO BE A UNITED STATES SENATOR AND HE’S SHOTGUNNING HIS OWN PEE AND WHAT THE FUCK HAS HAPPENED TO THIS COUNTRY?! Does he have to make a 12-course meal out of his own shit before the New York Times starts to see this as weird?!

Anyway, TBS is a proud supporter of John Fetterman, a man who as far as we know has never guzzled his own urine. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: And you know Fetterman had the perfect response to this one…

Note three: Speaking of Senate races, Friday night was the Herschel Walker and Rev. Warnock debate. By now you’ve probably heard that Herschel pulled out a fake badge. The scary thing is he really seems to think he’s in law enforcement. More: NBC News

Note four: Oh and in the same interview he acknowledged the check he sent his ex for an abortion did come from him. More: NBC News

Note five: Last night, Rev. Warnock showed up at a second debate. Herschel did not.

Note six: The New York Times has a new poll that says Republicans are back to leading the midterm race because women voters have shifted back. What do we think? Do we think women forgot that Republicans stripped them of their bodily autonomy? No, we don’t think so either. But this is a good reminder that we’ve got to scrap, claw and fight our fucking asses off for the next 22 days.

Note seven: What’s your plan to vote? What about your friends and family?

Note eight: As we said up top, Georgia early voting started today. If you’re in the Peach State, get to the polls.

Note nine: Perhaps the biggest news of the weekend was Arizona gubernatorial candidate and shithouse rat Kari Lake refusing on CNN to say whether she will accept the results of the election if she loses. Yeah, and yet today the same station has a story about how much time Biden has spent in Delaware. Fucking idiots. More: NBC News

Note 10: Looks like Mandela Barnes has some heavy hitters backing his campaign. Are you one of them?

Note 11: Marjorie Taylor Gross had a debate yesterday. She was a raving lunatic. And we hate to say it, but she’s still gonna win. If you’re still looking to donate, there are other races where your money will make a difference. More: NO LINK TO THAT CRAZY SHIT

Note 12: That deranged nutjob running in Michigan spent part of her weekend attacking single women. We have a quick question about some of these Republican candidates — How do these fucking morons dress themselves in the morning? More: Michigan Advance

Note 13: Trump spent the weekend being a terrifying anti-semite, telling “U.S. Jews” they should be more grateful for him and appreciate Israel “before it is too late!” If you think that’s scary Nazi talk, well you’re right and obviously not a mainstream news reporter. More: NBC News

Note 14: The Salt Lake Tribune thoroughly embarrassed itself last night, publishing an oped about Sen. Mike Lee that was written by Sen. Mike Lee in the third person. The crazy part was the paragraphs about Lee’s sexual inadequacy. Like dude you didn’t have to include that part. More: NO LINK

Note 15: This one is important…

Note 16: DeSantis is going to keep doing those despicable human trafficking stunts. Guess that means Florida is all cleaned up from the latest hurricane and won’t need anymore help. More: Business Insider

Note 17: Republicans are saying they want to extend the Trump tax cuts if they win, and they want to fuck with Medicare and Social Security to do it. It’s like they’re trying to lose and millions of Americans just refuse to see it. More: Washington Post

Note 18: Also, if you’re worried about inflation, that seems like a really stupid fucking plan.

Note 19: Biden’s job approval is up to 46 percent. In the latest Fox poll. We can win this shit, y’all. We’ve just got to believe and work our asses off.

Note 20: Alrighty, SPs, let’s go do some news! We hope y’all are holding up ok amid all the crazy. Don’t worry. In three weeks it’ll all be over. Let’s just make sure that doesn’t include democracy. Love y’all!

What an idiot

Kanye’s anit-semitic temper tantrum isn’t over, and it’s about to get costly. Ye is buying Parler, one of those right-wing social media websites that only scumbags use. Makes sense. If you want to be Nazi trash and you’re a billionaire, why not buy a place where Nazi trash hangs out? Oh and the head of Parler is Candace Owens’s husband. LOL. What a fucking idiot. Just light that money on fire, Ye. It’s way better than just being a decent person. More: CNN

Not long enough

DOJ today said they want six months in jail and a $200,000 fine for Steve Bannon. You might recall that Bannon was found in contempt of Congress, and prosecutors are arguing it was actually super duper contempt. Frankly we think six months isn’t long enough, but if they did what we want them to do it wouldn’t be very American. More: ABC News

The sound of government working

Starting this week, millions of Americans will be able to get hearing aids over the counter. This is a big goddamn deal for a lot of people, and it is a powerful reminder of what government can do for the people when it’s not being used by a dumbfuck gameshow host to punish his enemies. Thanks to President Biden and his team for making this happen. More: NPR

Today’s clips

The House committee investigating the Jan. 6, 2021, insurrection is not done interviewing witnesses, even after its final public hearing last week, Rep. Zoe Lofgren (D-Calif.) has indicated. More: Huff Post

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