Today's Big Stuff 10.15.21

10.15.21

Happy Friday! There are 18 days until this year’s elections and 389 days until the midterm elections. Biden’s Supreme Court panel gives us all the finger, some great fundraising news and the Jan. 6 committee is coming for Steve Bannon. 

Be advised: If you don’t like cuss words or typos, then you’re gonna want to delete this newsletter fucking ASOP. 

Note: Ok, let’s huddle up, SPs. Y’all bring it in here. Closer. Closer. Closer. Ooh. That’s too close. Jeez. Buy a newsletter a drink first. We’re just kidding. We’ve got something we want to tell you hot liberty lovers, and we don’t want to the other team to hear it. Because they are deranged fucking psychopaths. Yeah, and really that’s what we wanted to talk about before we all head off to get loose this weekend. You already know this, but we’ll say it again just in case — we are up against deranged fucking psychopaths. 

If you need more than the endless parade of examples rubbed in your face for the past five years, then here’s another one. The National Republican Congressional Committee (NRCC) sent out a fundraiser email that said, among other things: “ALERT You’re a traitor… You abandoned Trump.” How batshit crazy is that?! Do you think there’s some dude out there who reads this and just drops his head and walks out on his family because he doesn’t want them to have to live with his shame? Why not just go with “You sold us out so we kidnapped your kid. He’ll be put to work at Mar-a-Lago unless you contribute now. And you don’t want him working at Mar-a-Lago. Trust us.” Some truly sick fuckers over there. Like what kind of brain thinks of shit like that?

Well, your brain, TBS. 

D’oh!

Anyway, here’s our point — the logjam in Washington, the betrayals of a couple of key Democrats, a hostile media and the ceaseless cruelty and insanity of our opponents can really take its toll. It’s damn easy to get discouraged and wonder if any of it even matters. Well, we’re here to say you’re goddamn right it matters. Because even on our worst day, we still believe in democracy. The other side doesn’t. They believe in using violence to achieve their goals. They are dangerous. So even if we get a little disappointed or discouraged in the days ahead, let’s remember we are sure as hell better than those deranged fucking psychopaths. So let’s go team. Ok, hands in. Sexy Patriots on three. One Two Three SEXY PATRIOTS! WOO! 

Note two: Feeling pumped up? Cool. We’re gonna need it. Because Republicans want an opposing point of view on the Holocaust to be taught in schools. WHAT?! So are they gonna bring in guest Nazis to talk to the kids? More: NBC News

Note three: Red Rover, Red Rover, can our vaccinated Canadian and Mexican friends come over? Yes. On Nov. 8. More: CNN

Note four: Congrats to Andrew McCabe who is getting his pension back. It’s pretty endlessly crazy that the president of the United States sought to ruin this guy’s life because he was a potential witness and the whole city of Washington just went right along with it. More: New York Times, NPR

Note five: Tucker Carlson doesn’t like gay people or paternity leave. If we were the only person in recorded history to be birthed out of Satan’s rectum, we’d probably lay off other people. But ol Devil Shit Tucker is too dumb and too evil for that. More: Huff Post

Note six: So where are we on Biden’s legislative agenda? Well, the same place we’ve been — waiting on two corrupt traitors who call themselves Democrats to quit fucking with us all. Manchin will probably agree to something. But our guess is Sinema is just itching to do a dramatic thumbs down and fuck us all over. We are adjusting our expectations because of one self-obsessed piece of human trash. It’s funny. We always thought of the Green Party as a disorganized joke. But if their goal is to bring down Democrats and American democracy, then Jill Stein and Sinema have been pretty goddamn effective. More: Huff Post, CNN

Note seven: The Ohio state board of education is now pro-racism it seems. What the hell happened to the Buckeye State? More: Cincinnati.com

Note eight: We’re honestly surprised by how much we hate Stephen Breyer these days. Is he the most out of touch white man on the planet? Or at least in the non-New York Times Washington bureau category. Hey, Breyer, we got a little secret we want to whisper to you. RETIRE!!! More: CNN

Note nine: LOL. Say cheese, asshole. Trump has to sit for a videotaped deposition Monday because his thugs beat up some protesters. More: ABC News

Note 10: Are you a non-Pfizer who’s been waiting for some booster news? Well here you go. More: Associated Press

Note 11: It’s debatable, but we think the Jan. 6 terrorists who were military or ex-military freak us out the most. More: Huff Post

Note 12: We are not going to laugh at this idiot. We are not going to laugh at this idiot. We are not going to laugh at this idiot. Oh fuck it. LOLOL. Hahahahahahahahahahahaah!!!! More: Washington Post

Note 13: Want some really good news? We found out yesterday that unemployment claims fell to their lowest level since the pandemic started. More: Associated Press

Note 14: So look, here’s the deal. When a pathological liar who told more than 30,000 lies in a four-year period says he’s not into getting pissed on by sex workers, then he is definitely into getting pissed on by sex workers. But nice try, Peeboy. More: Washington Post

Note 15: Ya know, we’ve been around politics for a long time. And we didn’t use to write words like “getting pissed on by sex workers.” Trump really has taken this whole damn country right into the gutter. 

Note 16: Think Congress can’t get any worse? Just wait until the asshole who started that QAnon bullshit is in there. More: Yahoo News

Note 17: Texas Republicans are trying to gerrymander Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee out of office. Gosh, we wonder why. More: Washington Post

Note 18: We gotta wrap up these notes so we can go listen to the new Adele and cry all day. More: Rolling Stone

Note 19: Y’all see that Trumper who wants to be governor of Virginia trying to distance himself from Trump yesterday? He said it was “weird and wrong” to pledge allegiance to a flag from Jan. 6. Dude, weird and wrong is on the Republican Party’s family fucking crest these days.

Note 20: Ok, you superstars, let’s do the news and then let’s do the weekend. Thanks for keeping your heads up and staying in the fight during these crazy times. We know it’s not easy. In fact, we know it can be downright goddamn depressing. But y’all are the awesomest, and we’re damn glad to know you. Have a fantastic fucking weekend. Love y’all!

Gee thanks

So we were pretty pissed off when President Biden decided to punt on expanding a hijacked Supreme Court by forming a damn panel to study it. Now that the panel has given us all the finger, we’re flat out insulted. Seriously. Republicans stole two Supreme Court seats and this report says that’s just fine. It also says that balance on the court is overrated and that we wouldn’t want to make the poor assholes who stole those seats to think the court is unfair. Y’all, we are so effing fucked. But congrats to the administration for handing McConnnell and the Republican Party a powerful talking point to keep the courts corrupt forever. For people who favor gun safety, we are forever shooting ourselves in the fucking feet. More: CBS News

Money, money, money

So we actually have some good fundraising news to talk about. The Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee (DCCC) raised $35.8 million last quarter. That’s more than those psycho assholes at the NRCC put up, by about $10 million. Oh and you know how we’ve been really worried that we’re not taking Herschel Walker seriously enough in Georgia? Well, we might be wrong about that. Because Sen. Rev. Raphael Warnock brought in a whopping $9.5 million. We gotta keep it going, but damn this is encouraging. More: AJC

Bannon? We hardly knew him

Ok so that joke didn’t exactly work. But the guy skeeves us out and we try not to think about him too much. The Jan. 6 committee doesn’t have that luxury. After Bannon refused to show up under subpoena yesterday, the committee announced that it will meet on Tuesday to vote to recommend criminal contempt charges. Whether DOJ will actually do something with that recommendation is anybody’s guess. Democrats are running out of patience, and as much as we like Adam Schiff, we’re all getting pretty tired of hearing about how history will judge these assholes. So let’s keep our fingers crossed that justice — and some people with handcuffs — are coming for Steve Bannon. More: CNN

Today’s clips

The Republican-controlled Texas House of Representatives passed a bill Thursday that would bar transgender students from playing on school sports teams based on their gender identity. More: NBC

The nation’s most restrictive abortion law remains in place for now, after a federal appeals court on Thursday sided with the state of Texas. More: Washington Post

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