Today's Big Stuff 10.14.21

October 14, 2021

10.14.21

It’s Thursday. There are 19 days until this year’s elections and 390 days until the midterm elections. Biden embarrasses the press with his approval rating, Trump tells GOP voters to stay in their holes and wondering if the Jan. 6 committee has any guts.

Be advised: This newsletter has a dirty mouth and a penchant for typos. If that shut bothers you, we understand and suggest you try a different newsletter.

Note: Dearly beloved, sexy patriots. We are gathered here today to be sexy and patriotic. And of course you can’t be either unless some backwards ass preacher tells you how. Or at least that’s what we’re learning from the deranged right and their endless army of sleazy preachers and so-called faith leaders who think Jesus was blonde, wearing a red hat, rolling coal from his F-250, treating his AR-15 better than his kids and way into some really messed up sex stuff.

So today we would like to introduce you to our spiritual adviser here at Today’s Big Stuff — Pastor Poobrain Dumbshitens, the Snake-Handling Preacherman. And fwiw, he doesn’t actually handle snakes. It’s actually just a really gross nickname, and we promise you don’t want to know how he got it. But again, we took lessons from the right so we went out and found the grossest, most corrupt degenerate man of god the devil ever shat out and we put him in charge of our souls.

In today’s sermon, Pastor Dumbshittens will be reading from the book of Donald and doing what the head of the church would have him do — fleece the ever-living shit out of the flock. Ahem…

Yay, oh ye, followers of the emperor god Donald Trump. Heed thou cussed newsletter, and give unto us your gold and worldly goods and your car if it’s cool, and we totally promise we shall put in a good word for you with the big guy. Thou art brave like a lion and wise like a squirrel. Prove thy devotion to his orangemess by writing a blank check to TodaysBigStuff.com. Ask no questions and contact no authorities lest you anger the almighty who stands weird. It’s the only way to get into Heaven or Mar-a-Lago or the Palm Beach Shoney’s. Thank you for your offering and your deep and frankly mystifying faith. Bless you.

Note two: Next week we’re doing baptisms. Cannonball!!!!

Note three: We’re beginning to think the pundits and Republicans who spent years kissing Trump’s ass aren’t all that smart. Because these numbers right here show vaccine mandates working like a motherfucker. More: Reuters

Note four: How in the hell is the Wisconsin election fraudit more of a shitshow than the Arizona one?! More: Washington Post

Note five: Want some good news? The QAnon freakshow who was somehow in charge of counting ballots in a Colorado county is now no longer allowed to do so. Yay. More: Washington Post

Note six: So we love Joe Biden. We really do. We did the ice cream, the aviators and the whole being a decent man who actually loves this country shit. But goddammit this Supreme Court commission thing is just insulting. Kill it and actually do something. Because women in Texas need more than a damn commission. More: CNN

Note seven: Woohoo! Val Demings straight up crushed liddle Marco in the last fundraising quarter, putting up a monster number of $8.4 million. More: The Hill

Note eight: Ok, so let’s take a minute and talk about some bullshit. First, we don’t like to shit talk Democrats. We’re in a boat that’s going over waterfalls and so we all need to be paddling the samw way. Which is why it is utterly fucking baffling that Kyrsten goddamn Sinema is galavanting across Europe raising money and giving us double middle fingers while we’re trying to save this damn country. We know she hates us. And now we hate her too. So Europe, if you see a corrupt, self-obsessed, preening fraud, just say Hi Senator, you suck. More: New York Times

Note nine: We are clearly not alone in those sentiments. These polls showing her losing to Democratic primary challengers make clear that she is in big trouble. If she stays a Democrat. Or if she ever was one. More: Huff Post

Note 10: We figured it goes without saying, but we stand with IATSE. More: LA Mag

Note 11: And we stand with the workers at John Deere. More: CNN

Note 12: Did you see what the eff happened in Virginia last night? They had themselves a rally and ol’ orange shit-for-brains called in. But first, they had someone bring out a flag that was “flown” outside the Capitol on Jan. 6. And then they pledged allegiance to it. Yeah, that is some seriously fucked up shit. More: Newsweek, Washington Post

Note 13: To that end, we have a special column for y’all today over on TodaysBigStuff.com about how Trump is too much of a chicken shit to actually show his face in Virginia. More: Today's Big Stuff

Note 14: Wow. Yesterday our friend Nabilah Islam warned us about how we have to take Herschel Walker’s dangerous ass seriously in Georgia and the same day his campaign tried to defend a fundraiser who was displaying a fucking swastika. Yeah, we definitely gotta beat this guy. More: Washington Post

Note 15: It’s almost time to get the kiddos vaccinated. We just assume they’ll all be smarter and more mature than Kyrie Irving. More: NBC News

Note 16: It says a lot about us as a party that we just accepted Trump’s bullshit census results even after he got lying about the whole damn thing. Sigh. More: Washington Post

Note 17: This is some really cool shit from Beto. But Beto does a lot of really cool shit. He should really think about running for governor. More: The Hill

Note 18: Thank goodness for this judge who is actually handing out jail time for Jan. 6 terrorists. And also why the effing fuck isn’t DOJ trying to actually punish these people? Is Merrick Garland as weak and fearful as we think he is? More: Reuters

Note 19: Schumer announced this morning he’s bringing the voting rights bill up for a vote next Wednesday. It will not pass because of the filibuster and because Joe Manchin has failed spectacularly at finding 10 Republican votes. More: Axios

Note 20: Ok, you gorgeous rock stars, let’s get to the news before we desecrate anymore religions. Though we have to say that Pastor Dumbshittens made us lol. We hope y’all are having a kick ass week. You’ve almost made it to the weekend. We love y’all. Have a great day.

50

While the Washington press corps continues to talk about what a disaster Joe Biden is, spending yesterday accusing him of trying to kill Christmas, the reality is that his numbers have crept back up and they are light years beyond where Trump ever even dreamt of being. CNN now has Biden’s approval at 50 percent. That’s where CBS had it this weekend. So is the news media correcting their bullshit narrative after their Afghanistan hysterics drove his numbers down? Of course not. They miss Trump too much for that. More: CNN, Washington Post

Fired up and ready to stay home

Super genius Donald Trump again threatened the Republican Party yesterday, saying in a statement that if the 2020 election isn’t deal with, which means overturned, then Republican voters will stay home next year and in 2024. LOLOL. Whatever, orangey. Do your worst. More: The Daily Beast

Get tough time

So today is the day Steve Bannon and crew were supposed to appear before the Jan. 6 committee for depositions. Bannon has said he’s not showing, and we’re damn curious to see what the committee does about it. Kash Patel is supposedly cooperating some but he’s also not meeting the deadline which makes us worry they’re gonna let themselves be jerked around. They’ve said criminal referrals will come. Guess we’re about to find out. More: CNN, New York Times, Associated Press, CNN

Today’s clips

A number of high-powered lawyers who have represented Donald Trump in the past are sitting out his latest legal battle, as the former President prepares to assert executive privilege to block congressional investigators from getting information on the January 6 insurrection. More: CNN

The House GOP's campaign arm announced Tuesday that an Arizona Republican candidate who praised the Proud Boys in a September speech has advanced to the next level of its campaign support process. More: CNN

Support Today’s Big Stuff

If you have a friend, family member, or neighbor that would like to sign up for this free daily newsletter they can go to TodaysBigStuff.com.

Unlike a lot of soulless Washington newsletters, you won’t see us making out with defense contractors or oil companies for a little extra ad money. It’s gross as hell, and they won’t return our calls. Our goal is to keep Today’s Big Stuff free and available for anyone who needs a laugh during these trying times. But we need your help to do it.

Your donations help us cover the costs of distributing this newsletter and allow us to keep it pure, honest and foul-mouthed as a motherfucker.

So much of the media these days are pulling their punches and afraid to tell the truth because they don’t want to piss off their advertisers. Not us! Advertisers don’t want anything to do with us, and if they did, we would piss them off in like two seconds.

So please chip in what you can and let’s keep Today’s Big Stuff for the people! Make a contribution here.