Today’s Big Stuff 10.13.22

Today’s Big Stuff 10.13.22

It’s Thursday. There are 26 days until the midterm elections. It's hearing day, some great news for social security recipients and Trump has to answer questions under oath.

Be advised: This newsletter cusses a lot. It also enjoys rainy days and long walks on the beach. 

Note: Howdy, Sexy Patriots! Are you fired up for the final Jan. 6 hearing today? Yeah, us too. Although every time we have one of these, we spend the rest of the day wandering around aimlessly wondering how the hell that bloated orange fuck is still on the free side of a jail cell. And honestly, that’s not even what’s got us fired up this morning. No, this is…

SO FUCKING GROSS!!! Alex Jones tortured those poor families, and every decent person on the planet did a little solo dance party yesterday when that irredeemable human garbage got taken out to the curb. But then you had Marjorie and a coordinated effort on the right to defend that stank monster. We were thinking Marjorie is just a total piece of shit, but then we thought you know a piece of shit was food once. So we decided to interview a piece of shit and see what it thinks about being compared to MTGross.

TBS: Welcome and thanks for joining us, piece of shit.

POS: Thanks! But my father was a piece of shit. You can call me Doodie.

TBS: Pleased to make your acquaintance, Doodie.

POS: Sure thing! And no, I am not worse than Marjorie. She makes me sad.

TBS: Wow. Must be hard to make poop sad.

POS: It is. We don’t actually have any emotions, we smell terrible, everyone thinks we’re gross and we get flushed. But yeah, we’re totally better than Marjorie.

TBS: What about Alex Jones?

POS: I once turned into liquid and ran down someone’s leg into a pile of rat vomit. It was my worst day, and I was still better than Alex Jones.

TBS: Harsh but fair. Thanks for joining us. Have a good day, Doodie! 

Note two: On a serious note, we hope the Sandy Hooks parents are able to find some small measure of comfort from this verdict. And we hope Alex Jones gets gonorrhea in hell. More: CNN

Note three: So a Trump aide was seen moving boxes out of that storage unit, and the aide testified that the order to do so came from Trump. So we’ll ask again — WHY THE FUCK HAS HE NOT BEEN ARRESTED?! More: Reuters

Note four: Remember when we learned that CBS hired Mick Mulvaney because they wanted help getting sourced up for when Republicans take over? Well assume that most of the beltway media has made that kind of investment, and expect their reporting to protect that investment. Then tell ‘em to fuck off and get back to work saving democracy.

Note five: With less than a month until Election Day, shit is pretty tense. But you better believe we had a huge goddamn laugh over this last night.

Note six: If you want to get in the Halloween mood, Disney+ has a delightful little treat called Werewolf By Night. It’s fun, but won’t make you pee yourself.

Note seven: So we got an ugly inflation report this morning, and that’s what Republicans are going to be talking about for the next few weeks. We’re going to be talking about how they attacked the US Capitol and stripped basic human rights from millions of Americans. More: HuffPost

Note eight: We’re sorry to keep bugging you about this, but have you gotten the new booster yet? It’s awesome. Tastes like cherries and freedom.  

Note nine: LOL. Durham is losing his shit. He has no case so all he can do is yell at his own witnesses to try and stay in good standing at Mar-a-Lago. We really should’ve shut this shit down a while back. More: CNN

Note 10: So yesterday the trailer for that Jerry Falwell doc dropped. We can tell you that Sam saw an early cut about a month or so ago, and it is FUCKING INSANE. 

Note 11: It’s pretty fucking terrifying that while the press was focused on tearing down Democrats, the Stop the Steal dumbshits were training poll observers. More: Reuters

Note 12: Speaking of poll workers, we’ve heard from a couple of you that you’re volunteering. We wanted to say thank you. You’re the people making democracy work, and we fucking love you for it. 

Note 13: It is astonishing how much Joe Biden has accomplished in the last two years. Beginning with kicking Trump’s punk ass out of the White House. More: HuffPost

Note 14: Y’all know we’re not the judgmental type, but we’re starting to think Herschel Walker is a fucking liar. More: HuffPost

Note 15: So we’ve gotta ask — what’s your plan to vote? What are your friends and families’ plans? Are you bugging the shit out of them like we’re bugging the shit out of you? Good. That’s how we all bug the shit out of fascists.

Note 16: Treasury wants to look into how Ron DeSantis is using COVID funds for human trafficking. Pretty fucked up when you put it like that. More: ABC News

Note 17: We want to say a big thank you to Trevor Noah, who has decided Dec. 8 will be his last Daily Show. Thanks for speaking truth, buddy, and good luck with whatever is next. 

Note 18: Just because we could all use a smile, here’s the Three Stooges…

Note 19: A jury has decided on a recommended sentence for the Parkland shooter. Whatever he gets, we assume Marjorie will be pissed it’s so harsh. She really sucks. 

Note 20: And on that rather fucked up note, let’s get to the news, SPs! You’re almost through the week, and you’re doing great. We’re so fucking proud to know you we could burst. Just keep doing what you’re doing. Love y’all!

LFG

Today at 1 p.m. ET, the Jan. 6 committee will gavel in for its final hearing before the midterms and possibly before it’s refashioned into a Trump Can Attack Whatever He Wants committee. But today, we’re gonna get some answers and some truth. We hope Roger Stone in particular has a very shitty day. 

More: CNN

Make it rain

While the inflation news is a huge goddamn bummer, social security recipients are getting some good news today. Yeah, they’re getting an 8.7 percent cost-of-living increase, and that’s the highest in 40 years. Republicans, meanwhile, want to use the debt ceiling to force Democrats to kill social security. This seems like a really obvious choice to us. 

More: CNN

Hell yeah

Trump spent yesterday furious and yelling at the justice system, which was really unusual for him as he usually spends his days playing catch with his sons. Yeah, the mango monster is livid that he’s going to have to testify in E. Jean Carroll’s defamation suit. We on the other hand are just in awe of E. Jean for enduring untold amounts of bullshit and threats to hold Trump’s smelly feet to the fire. 

Today’s clips

President Biden traveled to Colorado on Wednesday to designate a World War II-era military site as a national monument, using his executive powers to protect the historic landscape and delivering on a key priority for Sen. Michael F. Bennet (D-Colo.) ahead of next month’s midterm elections. More: Washington Post

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