Today's Big Stuff 10.12.21

10.12.21

It’s Tuesday. There are 21 days until this year’s elections and 392 days until the midterm elections. The governor of Texas’s bloodlust cannot be satisfied, TMac brings in some heavy hitters for Va. guv race and something scary to watch in Georgia.

Be advised: This newsletter has lots of cussing, lots of typos and, today, one really really messed up joke about a dead terrorist. Sorry, but that’s just how we fucking rall.

Note: Hey there, super sexy patriots! Goddamn we missed y’all! How was your long weekend? Did you have a kick ass Indigenous People’s Day? Yeah, we can tell you got rested and relaxed and oodles and oodles more sexier. Don’t give us that grammar blue line. We said oodles and oodles more sexier and we meant oodles and oodles more sexier. Are we laying it on extra thick today? No, you really are sexy as all hell. But we do have some tough news to break to you. Are you sitting down? Ok good. Here goes. Y’all, we think America might have a bit of a racism problem. Truth be told, we think this joint might be racist as a motherfucker.

You won’t believe this, but yesterday, you know the day we used to celebrate a genocidal monster and some people still do, we found out that there was a super racist, homophobic piece of shit coaching in the NFL. Gasp! Yep, that’s right. The league that booted and blackballed Colin Kaepernick for protesting (checks notes) the endless degradation and murder of Black people allowed a racist coach in their midst. Shocking shit, right?

And that’s not all. Apparently, there was this orange sonofabitch who was president for four years and all he did was fuck shit up, let people die and turn the American way of life upside down and still millions and millions of white people want him to be president some more. And there’s a whole news channel that just seems to be for racists. And there’s even racists in the United States Congress who support the racists who attacked the United States Congress. Frankly, if we didn’t know better, we’d say this country is so racist that it flat out broke its brain when a Black man got elected president twice. Hell, like 40 percent of Americans suddenly started thinking Russia looked cool. Russia!

Anyway, we’re sorry to either shock you with that news or our sarcasm, but we really don’t know what to say anymore except it’s 2021 and what the effing fuck is wrong with some people? More: New York Times, Washington Post

Note two: DO YOU LIVE IN VIRGINIA OR NEW JERSEY? Sorry to shout. But if you do, today is the last day to register to vote in the November election, and we really really really need you to vote in the November election.

Note three: Did y’all see the awesome news that there’s a new Superman and he’s bisexual? Did you see it was announced on National Coming Out Day? Did you see the rainstorm of tiny pieces of brain and fecal matter from where Republican brains exploded over this shit? Yep. They’re all walking around with just necks, torsos, arms, legs and tiny little peckers. You know that dude Josh Mandel who is running for the Senate in Ohio? Well his head exploded so badly that he didn’t have anything left at all except the tiny pecker. Yep, just a little dick walking around being a little dick. More: New York Times, USA Today

Note four: The right wanted Ashli Babbitt to be the new Superman. But she wasn’t faster than a speeding bullet.

Note five: Just don’t even look at us right now. We’re either ashamed of that joke or already on our way to burn in hell for it. But it’s pretty endlessly fucked up that Trump and the GOP are trying to make a dead domestic terrorist out to be some kind of hero so we’ll be here all week and you should try the veal. More: Washington Post

Note six: So huge congrats to the Republican Party and the handful of self-obsessed centrist D assholes who are doing their damndest to stall our economic recovery. More: CNN

Note seven: Trump is about to sell his downtown D.C. STD factory. Also known as the Trump hotel. Yeah, after spending four years as a monument to unchecked corruption and extramarital affairs, the loser lodge is about to get sold off. More: Wall Street Journal

Note eight: Don’t get sick in Florida. Seriously. There are people there who are rooting for the virus. Hell, the state surgeon general gets paid more if more people die, apparently. More: Tallahassee.com

Note nine: While we were away, the toothless scumbags known as the Fifth Circuit went ahead and allowed Texas to go ahead with its shocking and awful abortion ban. DOJ is suing, but we think we all know where this is headed and it ain’t in the direction of women having control of their own bodies. More: CNN

Note 10: So this is getting real simple — the Manchins and the Sinemas of the world are killing Biden’s agenda, they’re killing hope for millions of American families and they’re killing Democratic hopes for the midterms. We need to get some shit done, and we need to do it fast. More: New York Times

Note 11: This is a United States senator spreading lies about the vaccine and saying that an overrun hospital is no big deal. So why is this shit always left out of the discussion when talking about how Biden is dealing with COVID? More: WPR

Note 12: No, the Southwest flight cancelations are not about vaccine mandates. If they were, every other airline except gross ass Delta would be having the same problem. So congrats to the geniuses at Axios for becoming Ted goddamn Cruz. More: Dallas News

Note 13: This is the Associated Press saying it might be a bad thing that President Biden is releasing Trump’s Jan. 6 records. That’s an actual news organization saying it might be bad if we find out the truth. Seriously what in the ever-loving hell is going on at that once great organization? More: Associated Press

Note 14: Btw, we should’ve mentioned this earlier, but if you came out yesterday or were already out, we love you and we think you’re amazing and we really appreciate you making the world a more honest and loving place. Also, props to President JB Smoove for his message on the day. More: Queerty

Note 15: This weekend, Steve Scalise went on Fox News and says he wants more political violence and the next coup to work. Well, he actually said he didn’t know who won the last election. But that’s saying the same damn thing. More: Associated Press

Note 16: We never thought we’d say it, but fuck CSPAN. More: The Wrap

Note 17: The only thing putting out the fires is the flooding. So maybe the people we elected should do something about this shit. More: Washington Post

Note 18: Fauci says we can all go nuts on Halloween. But stay away from Marjorie Taylor Greene’s house. It’s the one made out of candy that smells like burning children. More: Washington Post

Note 19: Josh Shapiro got in the Pennsylvania guv race. We’re not endorsing anyone yet, but goddamn we have to win these races, y’all. More: Associated Press

Note 20: Seriously, folks, if you haven’t already canceled AT&T, get on it. More: Axios

Note 21: We don’t know what the Claremont Institute is, but we think it should be bulldozed. Slowly and while we’re watching. More: Washington Post

Note 22: We should’ve listened to Fiona Hill before. Can we please listen to her now? More: CBS News

Note 23: Well we’ve gone note crazy. But that tends to happen when we haven’t seen y’all for a while. If you made it this far, especially after that Babbitt joke, then thank you. We hear from so many of y’all each day, and it just means the whole goddamn world to us. We love y’all, and we hope you have an awesome day.

Texas jackass massacre

We’re angry at ourselves for not thinking of something more clever there. But anyway, Gov. Greg Abbot has decided that vaccine mandates are now illegal in Texas. Yeah, we’re not kidding. This corrupt miserable piece of shit is desperate to show he will take on Joe Biden even if that means killing more Texans. You’d think they would have a problem with that, but you gotta sacrifice to own us libs. More: Washington Post

Virginia is for (democracy) lovers

Ok that one was good. As polls show a terrifyingly close race, Terry McAuliffe is bringing in the Democratic Party’s big guns. President Obama will rally with him in Richmond on Saturday Oct. 23rd, Speaker Pelosi is doing a fundraiser for him in two weeks, Dr. Jill Biden will be in Virginia campaigning on Friday and Stacey Abrams will be there Sunday. You have to love how this doubles as campaign surrogacy and a dare to Trump to show his treasonous ample orange ass in the Old Dominion. More: CNN

Georgia on our minds

So this might not be the biggest news, but it’s bothering us. Herschel Walker, an absolute lunatic who may or may not like pointing guns at women or playing Russian roulette, raised $3.7 million in his bid for the Senate. We have got to re-elect Sen. Warnock. A. Because he’s a good man and a good senator and B. Because he’s not Herschel Walker’s crazy ass. Do you remember after the election when Walker was like hey let’s just re-do the election in the swing states? The Senate is dumb enough and crazy enough already. Let’s do everything we can to not make it worse. More: AJC

Today’s clips

While the Capitol was under attack on Jan. 6, former President Donald Trump remained out of sight from the public and watched TV in the White House private dining room, ABC News' chief Washington correspondent Jonathan Karl revealed on ABC’s "This Week." More: ABC News

The FBI raided the home of the vice president of the Proud Boys’ Philadelphia chapter on Friday, seizing his computer, phone, and other electronics to gather information on the Jan. 6 attack at the U.S. Capitol, his lawyer said Monday. More: Philadelphia Inquirer

President Biden is not a big fan. Former Democratic National Committee chair Tom Perez is openly opposed. And elsewhere in the Democratic inner sanctum, disdain for Iowa’s first-in-the-nation presidential caucus has been rising for years.

Now the day of reckoning for Iowa Democrats is fast approaching, as the national party starts to create a new calendar for the 2024 presidential nomination that could remove Iowa from its privileged position for the first time since 1972, when candidates started flocking to the state for an early jump on the race to the White House. More: Washington Post

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