9.22.23 The people who attacked the Capitol can’t govern

Be advised: This is a cussing newsletter. So we have to cuss or that would make us goddamn liars.

Note: Howdy, Sexy Patriots and welcome to the almost weekend! We just know y’all had a kick ass week. We sure did too. In fact, last night we were digging through a closet and we found something we hadn’t worn in years. It’s our big sparkly jacket that says FUCK JOE MANCHIN on the back.

Yeah, truth be told, we had been enjoying a nice little break from writing about a corrupt piece of shit who seems to enjoy making poor kids suffer. It seemed like it had been forever since we put on this jacket and wore it around. But then he had to go and open his asshead mouth again…

Oh fuuuuuuuuuuuck you, dude. Seriously?! The child poverty rate more than DOUBLED because of this mouth-breathing fuckhead and this is what he’s worried about?! We tried. We tried so fucking hard to ignore all this dumb shit about how John Fetterman dresses but now the Senate fashion police have gone and pissed us off. Super Weenie Dick Durbin got in on it too. It’s like these pathetic buttlicks are just desperate for us all to see just how completely fucked their priorities are.

The simple truth is this — Fetterman can cut two holes on the sides of a KFC bucket and start wearing that as pants and he’ll still have more class and more sense than all the pants-pooping whiners who think America gives a single rats ass about the Senate dress code. Can we please get back to shit that matters now? Goddamnit! Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: We swear we’ve never done that KFC bucket thing and any pictures you see to the contrary are totally photoshopped.

Note three: If you enjoyed that cussing and you’d like to hear an audio version, please sign up for our profane weekly round-up This Week’s Big Stuff. We try to make it funny but this week is mostly Sam cussing like a hillbilly madman about pundits claiming Trump is a moderate on abortion. Y’all know we weren’t gonna let that shit slide. More: Patreon

Note four: Today is a big day. Today Joe Biden is announcing the office of gun violence prevention. The last guy had meetings with gun manufacturers instead. We like this better. It’s way less serial killer-y. And to make it even better, VP Harris is going to lead the new office. Can we get a hell yeah? More: HuffPost

Note five: Everybody be cool to this asshole. It’s his first day here apparently.

Note six: Tim Scott says Tommy Tuberville’s attacks on the military are a good thing. His girlfriend couldn’t be reached for comment. More: HuffPost

Note seven: It is so fucking funny that Republicans can’t find someone to run for the Senate in Pennsylvania who actually lives in Pennsylvania. They should just get Oz again. LOL. Remember that asshole? More: Vanity Fair

Note eight: We really hope y’all got a chance to make fun of NYT columnist David Brooks. We sure did. More: HuffPost

Note nine: Project Veritas are right-wing scumbags who pose as journalists and have spent more than a decade trying to destroy democracy. They even tried to clear Roy Moore’s bad name. So yeah, we’re pretty happy that they’ve shut down and are in financial ruin. More: Independent

Note 10: What did you have for lunch yesterday? ‘Cause KJP had a Doocy sandwich. It tastes like shit but it’s sooooo satisfying.

Note 11: We really didn’t spend enough time telling Rupert Murdoch to fuck off yesterday. We promise to devote some personal time to it this weekend. And then Monday we should probably get ready for his psycho son’s reign. More: Slate

Note 12: The US is stepping up when it comes to Afghan refugees. DHS yesterday redesignated and extended Temporary Protected Status to Afghanistan. We know some folks will say this is the least we can do, and they’re probably right. More: AP

Note 13: Y’all know how much we hate Axios. But damnit when they’re right they’re right. And they’re right that Democrats “are on a special election winning streak.” Maybe all these pundicks should start talking about election results instead of shitty polls. Might make them smarter. More: Axios

Note 14: Ugh. Ruby Freeman and Shaye Moss said that Doodie Pooliani ain’t paying up. So they might just hit him for more money. We’d say they should take him for all he’s got, but he don’t seem to got much. More: The Messenger

Note 15: This seems good. Is this good? Should we not piss ourselves just yet?

Note 16: The Biden campaign is focusing hard on Hispanic voters. Isn’t it reassuring to see them doing this stuff now instead of this time next year? More: CBS

Note 17: Hey btw, if you want to know who John Fetterman is beyond a bunch of bullshit about his clothes, just read this… More: HuffPost

Note 18: We want to take a second to congratulate Julie Ertz on her retirement and say thanks for all the years of fun and all the wins.

Note 19: We usually like to end on a happy note and we really should on a Friday but this is an important story we wanted to make sure y’all saw. We don’t know how to break this to you, but Clarence Thomas is really fucking corrupt. Who knew? Oh right. Everybody. More: ProPublica

Note 20: And on that shocking note, let’s go do some news! We hope y’all have the best weekend. Wear whatever you want. And if Joe Manchin has a problem with it, tell him TBS said to fuck off. Love y’all!

Sick!

We mean that in a good way like the kids do. VP Harris announced this week that the Biden administration is moving ahead with efforts to remove medical debt from people’s credit scores. This freaking huge, y’all. This means millions of Americans could see their credit scores go up. It could mean the difference between getting a loan or not. Joe and the VP have been totally focused from the beginning on making real people’s lives better. This is just the latest example. We assume Republicans and reporters are gonna hate it.

More: HuffPost

Well that’s embarrassing

After House Speaker Kevin McCarthy refused to allow Ukrainian President Zelensky a chance to address a joint session of Congress, the Republican Party showed everyone why. If it wasn't’ Sen. Roger Marshall just flat out refusing to meet with the wartime hero it was JD Vance taking to twitter to mock the way Zelensky was dressed. We’re starting to think these aren’t serious people. They just kiss some serious Putin ass.

More: Axios

WHAT?!

Everybody say hello to new Speaker of the House Matt Gaetz. Yeah, Beavis is straight up running things on Trump’s behalf these days and you can tell by the idiotic dysfunction. Like seriously even for them they’re a goddamn mess. After trying and failing to pass a defense bill all week, they basically gave up yesterday and went home. Yeah, we’re eight fucking days away from a shutdown. It’s almost like the people who attacked the Capitol can’t govern. This is a full-on disaster and Dark Brandon isn’t letting these asshats walk away unscathed…

Today’s clips

Rep. Tim Burchett (R-Tenn.) on Thursday lauded former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) and dissed current Speaker Kevin McCarthy (R-Calif.). (Watch the video below.) When CNN’s Kaitlan Collins asked the lawmaker if he still supported McCarthy, Burchett said he had his doubts. He then veered into praise for Pelosi, who was often demonized by the GOP during her long reign as speaker and Democratic leader. More: HuffPost

U.S. Sen. Bob Menendez of New Jersey and his wife were indicted Friday on bribery charges after an investigation that turned up $100,000 in gold bars and $480,000 in hidden cash at their home, prosecutors said. More: AP