8.4.23 Git him, Elena

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity to express its displeasure with fascists. Like the dirty sonofabitch who was in court yesterday.

Note: How we feelin’, Sexy Patriots?! Tired from shaking our fabulous booties to our newly invented arraignment dance? Not even a little bit. We can do this shit forever. And hopefully, we will. Because it sure looks like we ain’t done yet…

LOOKS LIKE IT’S GETTING HOT IN GEORGIA LOLOL!!!!! What a great summer for everyone except the overflowing vat of pig shit that is Donald Trump. And while we are excited to see him face justice in Georgia, we would encourage you to savor this moment. (And not just because we’re off next week with the worst goddamn timing in history). Think back on what that dingus did to this country. Do you remember what it was like? Do you remember how that motherfucker and his cronies delighted in making us miserable for four years? The incessant tweeting and brazen gaslighting. The endless and downright insulting lying. The in-your-face corruption. The shocking cruelty. The trampling of and butt-wiping with our national norms and dignity. The horror. The horror. The dumbass stupid idiotic fucking horror.

And now, here in this moment in our lives, the would-be dictator who put us through that shit, had to sit in a courtroom and wait for a judge to tell him to his face (“Mr. Trump”) that he was charged with four heavy-duty not-fucking-around felony charges against the United States of America. Goddamn that felt good to type. He had to plead not guilty. He had to walk his sad orange ass in the rain to whine to the press. He had to go and make our day lol. So soak it in, Sexy Patriots. You’ve sure fucking earned it. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: Yeah, we’re sorry about this time off thing, but if we don’t get a little rest before the fall, we think our heads might just pop right off. And nobody wants that. TBS probably wouldn’t change much, but that’s beside the point. Subscribers of the pod will still get a new episode next week, and we’ll be back here the following Monday. We apologize in advance for not being around to cuss about all the fucked up shit that’s sure to happen in our absence.

Note three: Speaking of the new pod, a new episode is out today and we don’t want to give it away, but there is a shockingly huge and not real guest this week. Check it out! More: Patreon

Note four: Trump is on Truth Social this morning demanding the Supreme Court step in and save him. And we’re like 37 percent sure they’re not gonna do that.

Note five: Drink it in, SPs. Enjoy it. Savor it.

Note six: Adam Schiff and more than 30 other House Democrats are calling for the Trump trial to be televised. We want to see it too, but there’s part of us that thinks be careful what you wish for. More: HuffPost

Note seven: It looks like the early vote in Ohio’s August 8 special election is rolling! Keep going! More: AP

Note eight: According to a new Ipsos poll, 65 percent of adults think the new charges against Trump are serious, and 52 percent said he should’ve been charged. The rest are the dirtbags who attacked our Capitol. More: ABC

Note nine: Everyone is laughing their asses off after Trump attorney John Lauro did a round of television confessions yesterday. Dude, you’re not supposed to tell everyone your client did that shit. More: Daily Beast

Note 10: Ok which one of y’all did this?! You made us spit out coffee goddamnit.

Note 11: Rudy went on one of the scary kid right-wing channels last night and went after Pence. Then he crouched down in the corner and gnawed on the drained husk of a dead rat. It sure is a shame to see Republicans in disarray like this. More: Independent

Note 12: HUGE congratulations to State Reps. Justin Pearson and Justin Jones who won back their statehouse seats last night!!! Woohoo!!! And they didn’t just win, they won in landslides. Starts rising, y’all. More: Tennessean

Note 13: We’re so embarrassed we keep forgetting to mention this, but you know how we told y’all the Wisconsin Supreme Court now has a liberal majority? Well voting rights activists there sued over the state’s fucked up districting the very first day. Let’s go! More: PBS

Note 14: Florida has banned AP Psychology because it teaches kids gay kids exist. What a totally normal thing to do in a totally normal state. Oh wait. Just this week the governor of that state said he’s going to start “slitting throats” when he takes office. So maybe what we’re seeing is the education policy of a would-be fucking serial killer. More: USA Today, Business Insider

Note 15: Just a reminder that we have a HUGE race in Kentucky to win, and the Republican candidate is the guy who covered up Breonna Taylor’s murder.

Note 16: Remember how Texas A&M hired a Black journalism professor and then changed the job because they were worried she would be too woke? Well those dumb shits just paid her $1 million. Good work, everyone. More: NBC

Note 17: Best wishes to Abdullah Hasan, the first Muslim White House spokesperson is moving on but not before being showered with praise by his colleagues. More: HuffPost

Note 18: This Judge Cannon don’t seem to good at the judgin’ and stuff. More: Reuters

Note 19: The Orlando Magic, an organization that relies heavily on Black labor, gave $50,000 to DeSantis’s super PAC. So FUCK the Orlando Magic. More: CBS Sports

Note 20: On this last note today, we want to wish former President Obama a happy birthday and then just take a moment to look at this picture, sigh and smile.

Note 21: And on that amazing note, let’s go do some news! We’re so sorry to duck out on y’all next week. We find that if we don’t take some time off, our jokes get really shitty. And they’re not that good to begin with! We’ll miss you, you beautiful SPs, and we’ll be counting down the days until we’re together again. Love y’all!

Git him, Elena

Elena Kagan is calling bullshit on Sam Alito’s declaration that SCOTUS cannot be regulated by Congress. At a conference in Portland, Kagan said the court is “not imperial.” She said she believes Congress does have some constitutional authority to regulate the court, but she hopes the court will do it itself. She also declined to comment on any specific legislation because she might have to rule on it. And when she finished she didn’t fly off on some billionaire dickhead’s jet. Thank you, Justice Kagan!

More: HuffPost

Joey Jobs rolls on

We got the July jobs report today, and it’s another good one under the watch of one Joseph Robinette “Joey Jobs” Biden. The economy added 187,000 jobs last month, which came in below the 200,000 estimated (but just wait for the revisions). The unemployment rate is still at 3.5 percent, which is crazy low, and wage growth is up 4.4 percent. This is a great fucking jobs report. Let’s hope it’s enough to satisfy the soulless scum at the federal reserve.

More: Yahoo Finance

Totally Guilty

We don’t really have anything new to add here. We just wanted to keep gloating about orange boy getting arraigned yesterday. Apparently the judge calling him “Mr. Trump” really pissed him off. Don’t you just love it? We sure would’ve called him worse. The conditions of Mr. Trump’s release include that he must not break federal law again (uh) and he can’t tamper with witnesses (double uh). Are y’all enjoying the hell out of this as much as we are? The first hearing in the case before Judge Chutkan will be on August 28 and she is expected to pick a trial date then. So August 28 is gonna be a fun day:)

Today’s clips

“Dark Brandon” doesn’t need sunglasses when he’s throwing shade. On Thursday, President Joe Biden posted a video to Twitter (now rebranded as X) as his alter-ego, “Dark Brandon.” In the short clip, Biden takes a sip from a mug, then utters: “I like my coffee dark.” More: HuffPost

Democrats on the Senate Judiciary Committee asked Chief Justice John Roberts to “take appropriate steps” so that Justice Samuel Alito would recuse himself from a tax case that the Court agreed to hear next term, as well as any cases involving laws that regulate the High Court. More: TPM

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