8.3.23 Here we go again

Be advised: This newsletter cusses about politics. Don’t you?

Note: AIN’T NO PARTY LIKE AN ARRAIGNMENT PARTY ‘CAUSE AN ARRAIGNMENT PARTY DON’T STOP! Greetings and salutations, Sexiest of Patriots, and how the hell are you this fine day? Hotter than hell and twice as dangerous? We figured as much. Us? Well we’re just shaking our tailfeathers on what shall henceforth be known as Orange Asshole Arraignment Day. Too long?

WOOHOO!!!! As of this writing, one Donald J(ackass) Trump is due in court at 4 p.m. Eastern Time to be arraigned for his conspiracy against the United States. And we are so fucking here for it. We’ll just be honest — we were soooooo skeptical any of this was ever gonna happen. Our general rule has been to downplay some of the more aspirational accountability talk we saw in some resistance circles lest we break your lovely tender hearts. After all, Mueller damn near ripped out our guts and these last two years have been us nonstop cussing Merrick Garland under our breath. And sometimes not under our breath.

But holy fucking shit it’s really here. It’s really happening. That tiny-fingered shart nugget is beginning to feel some real heat, and it looks like there is a chance that dirty sonofabitch might actually pay for his crimes against this nation. So let us say this day that it is ok to hope. Hope for accountability. Hope for the rule of law. And hope for that twisted treasonous motherfucker to finally get what’s coming. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: According to various reports, Trump will be digitally fingerprinted today but no mugshot. They said the Marshals will use an existing photo. We hope it’s this one…

Note three: The Giuliani shit in the news section is so gross we don’t even want to talk about it. We’re gonna use the next 17 notes working up the gumption.

Note four: Remember how House Republicans had a closed door interview with yet another bullshit witness? Well they just released the transcript and it reveals for the billionth time just how completely full of it they are. Maybe Politico should stop pretending otherwise. More: The Hill

Note five: Seriously what the fuck is wrong with the New York Times?! Did someone beat them in the head with an American flag?!

Note six: Should we be taking bets on whether Orangey makes a run for it?

Note seven: Greg Abbott’s evil anti-migrant buoys now come with a body count after a dead person was found trapped in one of them. What a goddamn horror show Texas is. More: My San Antonio

Note eight: So last month was the hottest month on Earth ever. That ain’t good, y’all. More: Washington Post (Paywall)

Note nine: Ron DeSantis found himself a debate partner — Gavin Newsom. Anyone else damn giddy to watch DeSantis regret this? More: NBC

Note 10: Looks like the Republican Party is doing great…

Note 11: We’re not gonna link to it because fuck that guy but Bill Barr went on CNN last night and absolutely torched every Trump defense (that the NYT bought) and then said he might vote for Trump next year if he’s the nominee. We’re starting to think that Barr fella is a real piece of shit.

Note 12: Congratulations (we think) to Dr. Jeanne Marrazzo who has been tapped as Dr. Anthony Fauci’s replacement as director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases. After what Republicans put Fauci through, let’s all be grateful someone still wants the job. More: CNN

Note 13: We keep meaning to do an opening note about this, but we just haven’t found a way to do it tastefully. DESANTIS MADE FLORIDA A FUCKING LEPER COLONY. That’s only a little hyperbole, folks. More: CNN

Note 14: Daily Kos points out that 10 years ago, Michigan, Minnesota, Pennsylvania and Wisconsin all had conservative state Supreme Courts. They don’t anymore. More: Daily Kos

Note 15: This made us laugh. Until we remembered how fucking insane Flynn is…

Note 16: This week we learned that President Obama met with President Biden to pledge his help to win the next election and to warn of Trump’s strengths as a candidate. He ain’t wrong. More: Guardian

Note 17: If you don’t know anything about the Jamaican women’s soccer team, do yourself a favor and change that… More: People

Note 18: In Oregon, Gov. Kotek just signed a law that automatically registers Medicaid recipients to vote. Damn that’s smart. And sorry but the only link we could find is a month old. More: Bolts Mag

Note 19: Wanna laugh? NY AG Letitia James’s office said this week they are ready to go to trial in their $250 million lawsuit against Trump. Are we the only ones who had completely forgotten about this one lolol? More: CBS

Note 20: And on that hilarious note, let’s go do some news! We hope y’all have the best Orange Asshole Arraignment Day ever! Just a reminder that we will be out next week for a summer vacation, but we’ll see y’all back here tomorrow so we can point and laugh and cuss at Trump’s bad day. Love y’all!

Goddamnit, Rudy

It’s been pretty obvious since that Borat thing that Rudy Giuliani is more than just your run-of-the-mill cartoon villain who wants to make a stew out of Smurfs. No, he’s pure fucking evil. And if his part in a coup attempt against the United States of America wasn’t proof enough, you need only to read the transcripts of recordings his former assistant has of him sexually abusing/harassing her. Or check out the shocking antisemitism. But be warned — this shit is extremely gross and triggering and you can’t un-read it. We sure tried.

More: Business Insider

Here we go again

The Republican Party isn’t letting the fact that Trump has been indicted for attacking DC and the US government stop them from launching another attack on DC and the US government. Last night on Fox, Lindsey Graham led the assault on Judge Tanya Chutkan and any jury she might seat. Graham and Trump are calling for a change of venue to West Virginia. Gosh. We wonder why. Oh and Graham voted to confirm this judge btw. It’s going to be a huge test that the press will fail as Republicans wage an openly racist campaign against the citizens of DC. If fuckhead didn’t want to be tried in DC, then fuckhead shouldn’t have attacked DC.

More: HuffPost

Murderers

We really don’t like Republicans. But unlike Republican leaders, we would never kill them. This week the Journal of the American Medical Association published a report that showed political party affiliation increased the risk of dying from COVID in Ohio and Florida. Yeah, in those two states, the excess death rate for Republicans was 43 percent(!!!) higher than that of Democratic voters. We honestly don’t know why we’re even surprised by this. Trump basically killed Herman Cain in front of the whole damn country. Believing in science is cool, kids.

More: Cleveland 19

Today’s clips

Former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) on Wednesday said Donald Trump’s indictment on charges he attempted to overturn the 2020 presidential election are “heartbreaking” for the country. More: HuffPost

What Comer failed to mention was that he wasn’t actually in the room for his committee’s big interview with Archer. According to two sources familiar with the proceeding, Comer failed to show up in person on Capitol Hill, and he did not participate remotely. More: Daily Beast

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