8.28.23 Holy Schlapp!

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. Today it’s going to use A LOT of it.

Note: We tried, Sexy Patriots. We really tried to write a positive and funny opening note to kick off the week. But we just couldn’t do it. We’re too goddamn angry. Too goddamn sad. Too fucking furious. And we assume we’re not alone.

This weekend — ahead of the 60th anniversary of the March on Washington — a racist nazi piece of shit killed three Black people in Jacksonville, Fla. It appears that he was trying to go to an historically Black college first. This is what evil looks like. But it also looks like the white politicians who have spent the last several years trying to appease and encourage the racist scum who make up their base. It also looks like the white reporters who were happy to ignore Ron DeSantis’s George Wallace campaign so they could get the hot scoop the next time he bought some stylish white boots. Evil isn’t alone in America these days. It has a large and vocal support system. And we are beyond fucking sick of it.

When DeSantis’s first move as governor was to overrule the voters of Florida and institute a poll tax to keep ex-felons from voting, the media yawned. When he created an election fraud task force that sent aggressive cops after Black people who had been told by the state they could vote, the press barely blinked. When he ignored white voters who got caught committing voter fraud in the Villages, reporters just couldn’t see the connection. And when DeSantis made erasing Black American history a central part of his personality before kicking off his presidential campaign, pathetic ass-kissing journos were happy to pretend it was about anything other than racism.

This evil shit doesn’t blossom on its own. It needs a hospitable environment. The Republican Party and their friends in the mainstream media have been happy to help foster that environment and way too many good and decent Americans are paying the price. We’d ask god to have mercy on the souls of the sleaze who have brought us here, but we’d rather she spent her time protecting the good people who have targets on their back because of our sick country and its broken politics. Love to Jacksonville. Love to y’all.

Note two: Thank you to Tennessee’s Justin Jones for calling out DeSantis this weekend. The era of cowardly Democrats who think they can hide when this shit happens is coming to an end. Some folks should consider that a warning. More: HuffPost

Note three: If you need a laugh after this weekend or after that intro, this is for you. We love vicious Dark Brandon.

Note four: It’s really obvious to anyone who isn’t a fucking idiot that Vivek Ramaswamy is a cheap con artist and a soulless scumbag. That’s all we have to say about him in this newsletter aside from this — he can eat shit, go to hell and then fuck right off. More: HuffPost

Note five: Thank you to everyone who wrote us Friday and over the weekend to share their feelings about Trump’s mugshot. We were really moved by some of the responses. Others just made us laugh our asses off. We’re writing back as fast as we can but it might take a few more days.

Note six: After lying to the world about his weight, Trump lied to the world about the golf tournament he played in this week. The only thing Trump has in common with Phil Mickelson is they’re both dirtbags who are owned by Saudi Arabia.

Note seven: RIP to Bob Barker. True story — there was a time in this country when if you wanted to see every ad the presidential campaigns were running, Price is Right was the best way to do it. We’ll miss you, Bob. More: NBC

Note eight: Trump raised more than $7 million off his mugshot. Goddamn some people are dumb. More: HuffPost

Note nine: We learned this morning that Trump and the other defendants in Georgia will be arraigned on Sept. 6. You have to believe that even for a delusional lunatic like Trump, shit must be getting real. More: CNBC

Note 10: Trump’s lawyers are also in Judge Chutkan’s courtroom today. They’re talking about Hunter fucking Biden if you want to know how it’s going. More: CNN

Note 11: Mike Pence is pretty much every Trump supporter — kissing orange ass even after that orange ass tried to get them killed.

Note 12: We want to add a note to follow up on the intro. DeSantis was booed at a vigil yesterday. He shouldn’t have been there, and the people reminded him. Were the press listening? More: HuffPost

Note 13: We hate to link to Axios but this is important. Biden is about to roll out the 10 drugs that Medicare can now negotiate the price of. This is how you actually make people’s lives better. Shouldn’t that at least be a small part of our political discussion? Or even a big one? More: Axios

Note 14: This asshole with the Spanish women’s soccer team just can’t seem to buy a fucking clue. First he kissed one of the players without her consent, then he lied about it, then he gave a Trumpian speech about not resigning. Well now he’s being investigated by Spanish prosecutors. What a fucking charmer. More: CNN

Note 15: Nikki Haley’s whole campaign theme seems to be a shitty personality and raising the retirement age. Hard to believe she’s not gonna win. More: HuffPost

Note 16: So this isn’t about politics but we think it’s super cool that so many pro teams come out to cheer on the Little League World Series champs. Congrats to El Segundo!

Note 17: And while we’re on sports, HUGE congratulations to Simone Biles on her EIGHTH national title. One of the greatest athletes of our time. More: CNN

Note 18: Virginia Gov. Glen Youngkin wants a 15-week abortion ban. Remember when the media told us he was a moderate? More: NBC

Note 19: Thank you to the Philly Inquirer’s Will Bunch for calling out the American political press’s bullshit. People are getting fed up. Nice to know we’re not alone.

Note 20: Let’s end on a happy one — Barbie is on its way to becoming the highest grossing movie in Warner Bros. history. Wow! Congrats! More: Variety

Note 21: And on that note, let’s go do some news. We hope y’all have a great week. And if you’re feeling as angry and uncertain about the future as we were this morning, please try to keep your head up. Whatever you’re feeling, we promise you’re not alone and racist scumbags hate democracy. So let’s hit them where it hurts. We love y’all.

Holy Schlapp!

Y’all, we’re starting to think some of these conservative creeps are fucking creeps. Over the weekend, an official with Matt Schlapp’s organization resigned and urged CPAC to do a real investigation into Schlapp’s alleged sexual harassment/assaults of two other younger men. You might recall Schlapp was first accused of this shit with a younger man from Herschel Walker’s campaign. The party of family values has really been on a roll lately.

More: Washington Post, Politico

Fuck Fox

Fox News was caught lying about a fallen Marine’s family having to pay to get him out of Afghanistan. Even after the Marines told them they were lying, they just changed the headline. Then they just took the story down altogether without telling their readers. They did apologize to the family though. Maybe it’s just us but we don’t think these fucking assholes learned a goddamn thing from the Dominion lawsuit.

More: CNN

Got nuthin’!

So Kevin McCarthy — and his orange daddy — want Republicans to push ahead with an impeachment inquiry on Joe Biden next month. The only problems are they don’t have any evidence of wrongdoing or the votes. We have no doubt that this is going to happen. Mostly because CNN and Politico will help it happen and Republicans have completely lost their fucking minds. But it’s sure gonna be crazy to see them go down this road when they can’t keep the government open.

More: CNN

Today’s clips

Tropical Storm Idalia intensified early Monday and was expected to become a major hurricane before it reaches Florida’s Gulf coast, the National Hurricane Center said Monday, warning of an increasing risk of life-threatening storm surge and dangerous hurricane-force winds in Florida as soon as late Tuesday. More: HuffPost

Russia’s Investigative Committee said Sunday that it confirmed that Yevgeny Prigozhin, founder and head of the mercenary force Wagner who led a short-lived armed rebellion against Russia’s military, was killed in a plane crash. More: HuffPost