8.25.23 Thank you, Fani

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. At least its mugshot isn’t all over the fucking world lol.

Note: Sexy Patriots! We’re not even gonna ask how you are today. We already know. Finer than frog’s hair and twice as sexy and patriotic. Right? We knew it. We’re doing pretty dang good ourselves. We did sustain one slight injury during yesterday’s TBS Global Ass Shake (which admittedly came a little early), but it’s nothing that can’t be fixed by a few weeks on butt crutches.

So what is there to say? This is the new most famous image in the world. It’s the Mona Lisa of evil shitheads. It is a damn sad emblem of our era, and it is some of the funniest shit we’ve ever seen. Nice of them to let him keep his orange on…

Seems like a cool guy. WHAT A FUCKING PSYCHO! DUDE COULD YOU AT LEAST TRY TO LOOK LIKE YOU’RE NOT GONNA BITE MY EARLOBE OFF IF I DON’T RETURN YOUR SOUP RIGHT THIS MINUTE?! That one is gonna haunt us and make us laugh for a long damn time.

So what did you feel when you first saw it? Let us know. Some of y’all have been on this ride with us for a long time. Through all the Mueller nothingness. Through endless crimes and insults. Crimes that were insults because they were so brazen. So un-American. Personally speaking we thought it was fucking awesome. It felt like the beginning of accountability that we know is still light years away and long overdue. But it’s also just kinda gross and a sad and dangerous new low for the nation. Oh well. Justice is finally starting to catch up with PO1153809 and that seems like something to celebrate. Love y’all. Thank you for joining us, and thank you for standing up for what’s right.

Note two: Um, 215 pounds? Really, bro? Is this some more of that sharpie magic? More: Boston Globe

Note three: If you want to keep the celebration rolling, please check out our weekly roundup podcast. It’s short and sexy. This week you get to hear Sam shout “Doodie!”

Note four: Jeffrey Clark and the rest of Trump’s Gang Who Couldn’t Coup Straight surrendered last night. Not long after Trump started using the phrase “Never Surrender.” More: NBC News

Note five: It seems like a really bad and scary thing that all the cops in this country are backing the criminal.

Note six: If you’re wondering what comes next, HuffPo has you covered. Bottom line — it’s gonna be a while before this goes to trial. More: HuffPost

Note seven: So Trump is back on twitter. There goes the already shitty neighborhood. More: CNBC

Note eight: JFC the fed chairman is at it again. This asshole doesn’t care about inflation. He’s a Trump appointee who wants to put Americans out of work. We don’t care if this makes us sound crazy. It seems pretty fucking obvious. More: CNBC

Note nine: Did y’all see Hillary’s mugshot yesterday? Oh right. There wasn’t one.

Note 10: We liked this more than we liked the mugshot.

Note 11: John McCain died five years ago today. Hard to believe it’s been five years since the GOP lost its last shred of dignity. More: AZ Family

Note 12: The White House is meeting with Dr. Martin Luther King Jr’s family to commemorate the 60th anniversary of the March on Washington. Sixty fucking years. That was yesterday. More: The Grio

Note 13: Remember that scumbag with the Spanish soccer team who kissed a player on the lips without her permission after she’d just won the damn World Cup? Well he gave a speech in which he said he won’t resign. He said he has daughters and he’s a real feminist. Sigh. They’re world champions and they still have to put up with this shit. More: ESPN

Note 14: WaPo has a story today about how Big Tech like Facebook and YouTube are following Elon’s lead and giving up on efforts to police misinformation in politics. Next year is going to be so fucking dangerous. More: Washington Post (Paywall)

Note 15: The Covenant parents in Tennessee have taken on Republicans and state troopers all week as they demand change. The governor of Tennessee is a coward who has been hiding.

Note 16: It really sucks seeing all these aging rock stars showing us how anti-trans they are. We’re just gonna keep saying this — it is fucking wrong to single people out and condemn them because they are different than you. Goddamnit we’re supposed to want people to be true to themselves. More: HuffPost

Note 17: This shit with the Tulsa schools is horrifying. It’s amazing how many people one ambitious psycho can hurt. More: NBC

Note 18: You know how the cops in Kansas who raided that newspaper had to give back everything they took? Well they didn’t. More: KSHB

Note 19: Yesterday President Biden called President Zelenskyy to wish him and the Ukrainian people a happy Ukrainian Independence Day. Thanks to both of those men, Ukraine is still independent. More: The Hill

Note 20: And on that happy and defiant note, let’s go do some news! We hope y’all are taking in this week. You’ve worked your asses off to hold these fuckers accountable and you deserve to celebrate. Now we just need to get that mofo behind bars and we’ll really be cooking with gas. Have a great weekend!

Goddamnit

So Ohio Republicans have tried everything to keep the people of Ohio for voting for abortion rights. Mostly because they know they’re gonna lose. Now they’re rigging the language on the ballot to try and trick voters. To begin with they changed “fetus” to “unborn child.” Ohio Secretary of State Frank LaRose thinks Ohioans are too stupid to see what he’s doing. We’re betting they know exactly what’s going on and abortion rights will be protected in Ohio after November.

More: ABC

Git ‘em, Brandon

The Biden campaign isn’t wasting any time telling Americans where the Republican presidential candidates stand on abortion rights. Using clips from Wednesday night’s Republican debate, Biden dropped “These Guys” today, a new ad that makes clear the stakes of the next election. This is the shit we want to see. This is the fight we want to fight. Good work, Team Brandon.

More: MSNBC

Thank you, Fani

Yesterday various news outlets reported that Rep. Gym Jordan is going after Fani Willis like he went after Alvin Bragg. Georgia Republicans are promising to use a new panel to go after her starting in October. In other words, the monsters are coming for the Fulton County DA. But they have been from the beginning. And that’s why we all need to say a giant THANK YOU to Willis. What she has taken on takes unimaginable courage. We didn’t see it in other states and cities where Trump tried to throw out Americans’ votes. That mugshot doesn’t happen without Willis. Trump’s fourth arrest — and maybe the one that scares him most — doesn’t happen without Willis. So thank you, ma’am, for fighting for justice. Fuck the monsters.

More: CNN

Today’s clips

Former President Donald Trump on Thursday opposed a request by an Atlanta prosecutor that he stand trial starting Oct. 23 in his Georgia electioninterference criminal case. More: CNBC

The Kremlin on Friday rejected allegations it was behind a plane crash that is presumed to have killed mercenary leader Yevgeny Prigozhin, whose brutal fighters were feared in Ukraine, Africa and Syria and conducted a brief but shocking mutiny in Russia two months ago. More: HuffPost