8.2.23 The BIG indictment

Be advised: This is a cussing newsletter. It’s also been laughing a lot since shithead got indicted for his goddamn coup attempt.

Note: Sexy Patriots! Are you worn out from partying your fucking asses off from yesterday’s indictment? We are too. But we ain’t slowing down. Let’s hope Jack Smith ain’t either. So we thought we’d try and do two things with today’s opening note. The first of course is to point and laugh and cuss at Donald J. Trump, the piece of shit traitor who tried to overturn the will of the American people by sending an army of human garbage to attack our Capitol.

America has lots of credos and mottos and slogans, but we can most accurately be summed up throughout history thusly — Don’t start none; won’t be none. Trump broke that rule. Over and and over and over and over again. And now that motherfucker has got to pay. High fives, everybody. And thank god Smith didn’t pull any of that Mueller shit.

The other thing we wanted to accomplish today was to highlight the Vice President of the United States calling bullcrap on Ron DeSucksAtRunningForPresident. If you didn’t see it because of all the other HUGE news yesterday, Kamala Harris returned to Florida and promptly stuffed Racist Ron in a locker.

Fucking-A right! Goddamn ridiculous that she even has to say that shit, but good on her for handing out a much-needed spanking. So yeah it was a big damn day for the good guys in America yesterday. So get ready to hear A LOT about how Hunter Biden caused it all. Or just ignore that dumb shit and keep partying your hot fucking asses off. That’s what we’re gonna do. Love y’all! More: USA Today

Note two: We’ll talk about it more in the news section, but if you haven’t read the indictment yet, we highly recommend it. We all know what happened that day, but goddamn it’s shocking to read it like that. It’s only *45* pages. LOL! More: PDF Here

Note three: Mike Pence pulled a Jan. 6 and actually sorta kinda took a stand-ish after the indictment dropped. But it will be easy to forget when he endorses his orange daddy. More: ABC

Note four: Did y’all see Giuliani about to cry on one of those right-wing tv shows last night? We suppose that’s slightly more dignified than shitting out of your face. More: HuffPost

Note five: This is seriously terrifying and these dirty motherfuckers need to rot in jail.

Note six: Btw, while all of this is happening, Dark Brandon is on vacation with his family. Last night he watched Oppenheimer and didn’t get indicted for a coup attempt. More: Komo

Note seven: Are we the only ones enjoying reading about the new judge in all of our lives and her past feelings about Jan. 6? We didn’t think so. More: AP

Note eight: Holy shit! 78 felonies! Do you know how time-consuming it is to commit that many crimes?!

Note nine: If you see someone new in your neighborhood who looks like Mark Meadows but goes by the name John Johnson then you’ve just run into Mark Meadows and your neighborhood is used for witness relocation. You should still consider throwing rotten vegetables at him.

Note 10: We don’t want to get your hopes up too high, but we thought you’d enjoy this…

Note 11: In other news, thank you to Beyonce for paying tribute to O’Shae Sibley, who was murdered for being gay and dancing to one of Beyonce’s songs. Can’t believe we have to write those fucking words. More: Advocate

Note 12: Rest in power to Sheila Oliver. The New Jersey Lieutenant Governor who was also the first Black woman to serve as Speaker of the Assembly died yesterday. More: CBS

Note 13: Diversity, Equity and Inclusion programs have not been abolished at Disney. The guy who did it is never going to be president. More: AP

Note 14: While we’re all focusing on Trump’s crime spree, Republicans in the states are focusing on controlling women. More: Forbes

Note 15: It’s a new day in Wisconsin. Thank you and congratulations to everyone who made this happen.

Note 16: Isn’t it weird how the press never really gave a shit that DeSantis is such a terrible governor? Homeowners’ insurance premiums have DOUBLED since he took office. Seems bad. More: ABC

Note 17: We haven’t even talked about Georgia today and y’all know that shit is gonna be fun.

Note 18: We’re not complaining — too much — but don’t it seem like some people are missing from that indictment? Where’s Mike Flynn? Where’s the Overstock guy? WHERE’S GINNI THOMAS?!

Note 19: Just gonna leave this right here in case you need it…

Note 20: And on that celebratory note, let’s go do some news! We hope y’all are having a good week, SPs. But let’s be honest — you’re having a GREAT week! Now let’s lock this sonofabitch up and go back to making this a better country. Love y’all!

The other indictment

While we were all waiting for Trump to get indicted yesterday, another shoe dropped in Michigan. You might remember Matt DePerno from his run for state Attorney General. Or maybe you remember him from being a Trump cultist. Or maybe you’re lucky and don’t remember this scumbag at all. Regardless, he and another Trump loser got indicted yesterday for tampering with voting machines. We’re sure Trump will be thrilled we found some attempted cheating and smoked it out. Ya know, because he cares about election interference so much. LOLOL!!! Enjoy jail, Matty!

More: Bridge MI

Thanks a lot, GOP

It’s good that Trump is finally paying for Jan. 6 because the American people are paying for it too. The credit agency Fitch yesterday downgraded the US from AAA to AA. Yeah it’s some bullshit, but they said constant debt ceiling stand-offs and Jan. 6 were reasons to doubt the credit of the United States. While it’s hard to argue with those two points, it’s bullshit that they didn’t acknowledge Dark Brandon’s rock-solid stewardship through such turbulent times. Thanks a lot to Kevin McCarthy, Mitch McConnell and Donald Trump for this. Fucking assholes.

More: CNN

The BIG indictment

Why did we talk about this for a dozen notes and then include it in the news section? Because it’s just that fucking big. It’s pretty crazy that we had a president who was such a fucking criminal that he got indicted twice before we were all like oh here’s the big one. But by now you know, yesterday Donald J. Trump was charged with four counts against the United States of America. He says he didn’t do it. We say bullshit. Lock his ass up. And throw away the fucking key.

More: HuffPost

Today’s clips

Human-caused global warming made July hotter for four out of five people on Earth, with more than 2 billion people feeling climate change-boosted warmth daily, according to a flash study. More: HuffPost

While the indictment does not identify them by name, there are six co-conspirators whose roles and alleged actions in Trump’s efforts to overturn the election are described in detail. While none of the identities have been officially confirmed, it is not difficult to identify who may be who based on the indictment’s descriptions, at least for five of the six. More: TPM

Support Today’s Big Stuff and get our weekly roundup podcast, This Week’s Big Stuff!