8.14.23 Where’s Mitch?

Be advised: This newsletter hasn’t cussed about politics in a week, so get ready for the f-bombs to start going off like fucking crazy.

Note: Sexy Patriots!!! How the effing hell are your hot asses today?! We missed y’all more than America has missed its national dignity since 2016. But we are rested, recharged and totally chilled out. So if TBS doesn’t have its usually intense or profane tone today, that’s why. Perhaps we should get back in the swing of things by asking a simple question — WHERE THE FUCK IS THIS GODDAMN LIBERAL MEDIA BIAS WE’VE BEEN HEARING ABOUT AND WHEN THE FUCK DOES IT KICK IN?!

Since Republicans attempted a violent coup against the United States, the eggheads at the Washington Post helped give us fleece vest fascist farthead in Virginia, the New York Times and New York Magazine helped fuel the trans and CRT panics and get cruel discriminatory practices codified into law and the whole goddamn MSM crew has gone after Hunter Biden like he was the one smearing his shit on the Capitol walls. So seriously, someone please tell us where the fucking liberal media bias is because we can’t fucking find it anywhere.

Thank god the serious journalists are on the case. You can call them hacks, spoiled rotten d-bags and out of touch, but don’t you dare call them liberally biased. That would be obscene. It’s almost like some of these people are just chickenshit wimps who are scared poopless of the orange man and his army of lunatics so they get tough with the Bidens so they can feel like real badass watchdogs. But that’s probably just in our heads. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: We want to send love and aloha to the people of Maui and Lahaina. The fires that destroyed that beautiful island were a real life fucking horror story and it’s crucial we help them rebuild. More: AP

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Note three: We’re gonna talk about this more in the news section, but for now HELL YEAH, OHIO!!!!!!!

Note four: If y’all haven’t seen this story about some fascist pieces of shit raiding a Kansas newspaper and the homes of its staff, then prepare to be shocked. This is what real reporters are going through in this country in 2023 while the beltway media puts on a fresh layer of chapstick to kiss right-wing extremist ass. More: AP

Note five: We haven’t checked in with Ron DeSantis’s campaign for a few days. Did the reboot work or was that just some silly shit that big network reporters fell for? Oh. Yikes.

Note six: And because they’re all total dirtbags, of course Trump and DeSantis folks got in a bar fight in Iowa. Getting harder and harder to tell when you’re seeing video of Black Friday Wal-Mart or a Republican presidential campaign. More: Politico

Note seven: You might be wondering our thoughts on Merrick Garland appointing a special counsel to go after Hunter Biden. Well, this is what Joe Biden wanted — a gutless AG who believes delusional nonsense about moderate Republicans. So as sad and infuriating as it is to watch, Joe Biden did this to his own family. Maybe it’s time to stop trying to appease the insurrectionist scum who are trying to end American democracy. More: AP

Note eight: Do Republicans look like hypocrites criticizing the same special counsel they asked for? Of course they do. But they also don’t give two shits if they look like hypocrites. They just want to keep moving the goalposts and their friends in the media — and apparently at DOJ — are happy to help. More: HuffPost

Note nine: We really thought about putting out a special edition just to cuss out the dirty sexist anti-American motherfuckers who cheered the US Women’s team losing at the World Cup. Big thanks to Alexi Lalas for representing all mediocre dudes who can only dream of achieving what these women have. And if you don’t know who Alexi Lalas is, don’t worry — nobody else does either. More: Daily Mail

Note 10: LOL. A rich out-of-touch asshat publicly declared we needed to put millions of Americans out of work to tame inflation and the watchdogs at the Washington Post want to know if he was wrong. YES, DUMBASSES!

Note 11: You know how we just won a big election in Wisconsin and flipped the state Supreme Court? Well the state’s insurrectionists don’t like the result or that the new justice wants to do away with ridiculous gerrymandering, so they’re now threatening her with impeachment. Please do not expect the beltway media to give a damn. More: Daily Kos

Note 12: And not to freak you the fuck out, but those scary insurrectionists in Wisconsin are apparently gonna have some say over election observers in the state. More: HuffPost

Note 13: It sure seems like it should be a much BIGGER story that the governor of Texas is getting children killed. More: HuffPost

Note 14: LOLOL! RFK Jr. seems confused. About a whole lot of shit. But he really seemed to be struggling this weekend with his position on abortion. He’s running for the Democratic nomination while calling for abortion bans and kissing Trump’s ass. Maybe he’s not a Democrat or a Republican. Maybe he’s just a fucking idiot with a famous last name. More: NBC

Note 15: Um yeah we fucking do. The only part we can’t explain is the part where this asshole is walking around breathing free air.

Note 16: You might have noticed Ron DeSantis does a lot of overtly racist shit. It didn’t just start happening. A lot of white political reporters just didn’t care. More: Iowa Starting Line

Note 17: Vanderbilt hospital appears to be in some deep shit. That’s what happens when you put cheap politicians ahead of your vulnerable patients. Shame on Vandy. More: HuffPost

Note 18: The race for Mississippi governor could be interesting, and if Presley wins, he’d be the first Democrat to serve as governor since 2004. More: WAPT

Note 19: We love seeing young people getting involved. Kudos to David and Kevin! More: NBC 

Note 20: And on that note, let’s go do some news! We don’t have enough words to adequately convey how much we missed y’all last week so we’ll just say we really fucking missed y’all last week and we are damn grateful for your patience as we did a little brain and soul scrubbing. Love y’all!

O-H!

Well goddamn, Buckeye Staters. Y’all did the damn thing. We don’t doubt the potency of abortion as an election issue, but we did have some concerns about Ohio. You know, because of the whole Jerry Dicksneeze (JD) Vance of it all. But man did y’all come through. Almost 70 percent of voters rejected Ohio Republicans’ dirty trick attempt to raise the threshold to change the state constitution to 60 percent. Then they tried to turn around and remove the abortion rights protection initiative from the November ballot. No dice. Ohio gets to vote on abortion this November. And after what we saw last week, we sure get why Republicans are terrified of what the voters have to say.

More: NBC

Where’s Mitch?

Remember when some nutjob threatened Brett Kavanaugh and the Senate snapped into action to spend a shitload more money protecting our totally corrupt SCOTUS justices? Well it turns out that only applies to white dude judges who Mitch McConnell rigged the bench for. If you’re a judge like Judge Chutkan, white Republican politicians are allowed to make you a target as much as they want and neither the press nor their daddy McConnell will give a rat’s ass. Where is the fucking outrage as Trump and his friends repeatedly target a judge who is doing her job and doing it well? You don’t even wanna know how difficult it was to find a story about this to link to.

More: Forbes

Georgia, baby!

Is it here? Is this the week? Is this the week the Peach State indicts an Orange Shithead? It’s sure looking that way. We learned last week that various witnesses have been asked to testify before the big grand jury this week, and CNN dropped a holy-fucking-shit story yesterday about Fulton County DA Fani Willis having proof that Team Trump was involved in breaching the voting system. Trump is of course running a scorched earth campaign against Willis and the people who hyperventilated over that Red Hen bullshit are just fine with it. We’re not just ready for indictments. We’re ready for a shitload of them. Fingers crossed, y’all.

More: CNN

Today’s clips

Vice President Kamala Harris declared that she’s “worried” about voter turnout as she appeared to knock Republicans for “unapologetically” proposing and passing laws that make voting difficult. More: HuffPost