7.28.23 Don’t do it, Dean

Be advised: This newsletter cusses like a drunken Jan. 6 congressman. And yet it still has more class than that asshole does.

Note: Sexy Patriots! We did it! It’s really Friday this time. Sorry for the false alarm yesterday. Y’all ready for the weekend? Want to have a great big giant laugh first? Well here ya go…

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! That is the funniest shit we’ve ever heard! Does Kevin15 have a new nickname? For a cussing newsletter, we don’t think we’ve ever used the p-word to describe a politician, but goddamn it sure is satisfying in this case. Especially the part where McCarthy folded like the gutless chickenshit slime that he is. We’re really hoping this is the start of a new era of bullying where it’s only done to Trump scum like McCarthy. We need CSPAN cameras to show us everytime McCarthy flinches when Swalwell walks by.

So what do we think Swalwell will buy with McCarthy’s lunch money today? LOL!!!!

Note two: If you haven’t signed up yet, don’t forget we’ve got a new podcast that comes out every Friday. We don’t want to give away today’s episode, but there might be a talking chicken involved. More: Patreon

Note three: If you’re in Ohio, please vote NO on Issue 1. If we’re going to save abortion rights in that state, it starts with defeating this Republican bullshit on August 8.

Note four: Yesterday House Republicans gaveled out for a 45 day recess without passing any spending bills. The Senate passed all 12. When the House comes back, they’re going to try to shut down the government unless they can ban abortion and a bunch of other dumb shit. We look forward to reminding those assholes they left town for a month-and-a-half when they should’ve been working. More: CNN

Note five: Trump wants to be able to discuss classified documents in non-secure places while he’s prepping for his trial for discussing classified documents in non-secure places. How the fuck did this idiot ever become president? More: NBC

Note six: We’ve got a bad news good news sitch here. The bad news is we’re gonna die. The good news is we now know how…

Note seven: Can we just take a moment to breathe deep and laugh on Hillary’s behalf that the “but her emails” fuckhead tried to erase a server? Wouldn’t it be great if all the reporters who pushed that bullshit were super embarrassed today?

Note eight: Florida wants to be the dumbest state in the union. How do we know that? They approved Prager fucking U shit for classrooms. If you don’t know what that is, you are very lucky. More: Media Matters

Note nine: The US-Netherlands Women’s World Cup game set some tv records. It’s great knowing this country is behind them despite a handful of dickheads. More: Yahoo Sports

Note 10: Did y’all see that picture of the security barriers put up in Atlanta? We are so ready for this. More: Atlanta News First

Note 11: Our friends over at the MeidasTouch put together this graphic. Now y’all know we’re not economists, but this seems pretty good, right? Can someone tell the fucking press?

Note 12: You might be wondering where we are with the House GOP’s stupid impeachment shit. Well, yesterday McCarthy got mad at a reporter for confusing impeachment and impeachment inquiry and then they left town for 45 days. So yeah, they’re definitely onto something here. More: CNN

Note 13: In Texas, teachers have been fired for attending drag shows. Really. In America. Where the hell are all those assholes who pretended to care about academic freedom and free speech? What’s that? They were full of shit? Oh that’s a bummer. More: Houston Public Media

Note 14: While we’re having a fun Indictment Summer, please add someone named Stephanie Lambert to the pile. Stephanie is from Michigan, and she just got her dumbass indicted for tampering with voting machines on behalf of her orange daddy. Enjoy jail, Stephanie. More: Bridge MI

Note 15: We are experiencing the hottest summer of all time on this planet. So what did Biden/Manchin/SCOTUS do? They approved another goddamn pipeline. Our kids are never gonna forgive us for this shit. More: CBS

Note 16: If you like baseball or just feats of superhuman ability, you should really be watching what Shohei Ohtani is doing…

Note 17: Right now in America in the year 2023, the Republican presidential candidates are debating if slavery had a silver lining. But don’t call them racist because that’s bad for some goddamn reason. More: NBC

Note 18: DOJ has opened a civil rights investigation into the city of Memphis and its police department. Memphis is such a great city, but we’ve seen this year it’s got some real problems. More: Commercial Appeal

Note 19: We need to do one business note — Y’all have been so incredibly kind asking if we could setup a way to tip and buy us a cup of coffee that accepted apple pay, venmo, paypal and beyond. We now have that setup on patreon, and if you are in a position to chip in and help us cover costs for hosting and sending out this free newsletter we would be incredibly grateful! You can support us here: https://www.patreon.com/todaysbigstuff

Note 20: Because it’s been a week that someone lasted a month, here’s the Peanuts gang dancing to Love Shack…

Note 21: And on that awesome note, let’s go do some news! We hope y’all have a fantastic weekend. Try to stay cool out there. We know you will. And if you see Kevin McCarthy, you know what to say. Love y’all!

Trash

If you’ve ever been in the Capitol Rotunda, you know what a gorgeous and breathtaking view it is when you simply look up. That’s what some Senate pages were doing the other night when a possibly drunken House Republican named Derrick Van Orden started cussing them out and calling them “lazy shits.” Van Orden, who was on the Capitol grounds on Jan. 6, responded to press inquiries about the incident by talking about Civil War troops using the Capitol and how it needs to be respected. Reporters then posted pictures that showed bottles of alcohol visible in his office. So yeah, he’s a total piece of shit. Just a total piece of shit.

More: The Hill

Don’t do it, Dean

You’ve probably never heard of Congressman Dean Phillips. He’s a so-called moderate Democrat from Minnesota. He came to Congress when we all pulled together to win the House in 2018. And now he’s talking about sticking a knife in all of our backs. Philips is meeting with New York donors next week to talk about running for president. What an asshole. We’re not suggesting you call his office today and register your unhappiness with this silly shit, but we’re not suggesting you don’t either.

More: Daily Mail

MORE! MORE! MORE!

We don’t know about y’all but these were not the indictments we were expecting yesterday. It wasn’t Jan. 6 and it wasn’t Fulton County. It was superseding indictments on the classified documents stuff. And it’s so delicious. Another Trump aide was indicted for helping him try to destroy evidence. So now Trump is looking at more obstruction charges, and this shit appears to be airtight. This was a nice little July surprise that caught us off guard. Now bring on the rest.

More: HuffPost

Today’s clips

“There is a very scientific word for this: It’s called summer,” Sen. Tommy Tuberville (R-Ala.) told HuffPost when asked about the heat on Thursday. “It’s no hotter right now than it’s ever been. I’ve been in this heat all my life in July and August as a football coach. This world’s not heating up, come on.” More: HuffPost

Some Republican senators harbor concerns about Mitch McConnell’s health, saying they have personally witnessed changes in the minority leader, 81, after he fell and sustained a concussion in March. More: NBC