7.27.23 Where’s the DiFi coverage?

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. Especially when it’s wondering when the next goddamn indictment is dropping.

Note: Well Sexy Patriots, congratulations on making it to Friday. We… wait… what?! WHAT?! Ok that’s our bad. Apparently today is Thursday and we are all still very much trapped in this week. Sorry for the false alarm. But since we’re here, we might as well kick this Thursday’s ass, right? Cool. Let’s do it. But first, an interview with an old friend of the newsletter — Please put your hands together for Commander Biden.

TBS: Commander! Welcome back!

Commander: Thanks, guys! Been forever. Love the new pod!

TBS: Awww thanks, buddy. Who’s a good boy? Who’s a good boy?

Commander: I am! I’m a good boy!

TBS: Fuckin-A right you are. So why are these Secret Service agents telling people you’re biting them?

Commander: Well the not-so-secret part about the Secret Service is they got a lot of Trump cultists in their ranks. They tried to cover up what Trump did on Jan. 6, and now they’re trying to frame me.

TBS: That is some bullshit!

Commander: You’re telling me?! You think someone actually brought cocaine to the White House? C’mon, man! Google “Colombia” and “Secret Service” and tell me what you see.

TBS: Oh damn that’s right!

Commander: Exactly. Y’all know I’m too cool to bite anyone. They’re setting me up. Hell, Ivanka bit like four people and pissed all over the rug in the Oval and you never heard a word about it.

TBS: We believe you, Commander. Stay safe. Wanna go for a ride in the car? Wanna go for a ride in the car?

Commander: Oh fuck yeah!

Y’all have a great Thursday!

Note two: If you’re in Ohio, please vote NO on Issue 1.

Note three: Also, we just saw there are a bunch of scams going around where scammers are pretending to be the IRS. So be careful out there. You never know when someone is really the IRS or when they’re just George Santos trying to steal your lunch money. More: USA Today

Note four: RIP to Sinead O’Connor. Obviously her cover of Prince’s Nothing Compares 2 U is an all-timer, but she also showed us what bravery looked like when the world was more than happy to embrace cancel culture for outspoken women. More: NPR

Note five: We’re beginning to think the Moms for Liberty never actually went to school.

Note six: You might have seen there were issues with the Hunter Biden plea deal. Between Stephen Miller taking credit and Ted Cruz cheering, we’re not sure what to believe. But the legal experts we trust don’t seem to think anything is crazy amiss here. More: ABC

Note seven: There is some truly gross and fucked up shit going down at twitter. More: Mashable

Note eight: This should be bigger news. Alpha Phi Alpha, the oldest Black fraternity, is moving its 2025 convention out of Florida because George Wallace 2.0 has turned it into a racist shithole. More: Fox 35

Note nine: Yesterday the Federal Reserve chairman said a recession probably isn’t going to happen, and then he announced another rate hike as he tries desperately to put Americans out of work. We feel like we are losing our fucking minds watching this happen. More: CNBC

Note 10: We don’t have any comment on this rapping Republican. And this is not a post about Ice Cube.

Note 11: According to the NYT, Biden has told US officials to begin sharing evidence of Russian war crimes with The Hague. Does The Hague have a Jack Smith? More: NY Times (Paywall)

Note 12: The UWMNT looked a bit tired last night, but they did manage to tie the Netherlands. It’s better than a loss and we aren’t doubting our team for even a second, but it sure sucks to see our win streak snapped. More: Yahoo Sports

Note 13: Yesterday Marjorie Taylor Greene defended RFJ Jr’s batshit crazy racist as hell nonsense about COVID being engineered to skip Jewish and Chinese people. And no, the Capitol Hill press didn’t give a shit. We’re not kidding. We did this on her little show and you can’t find a story about it if you try. NO LINK BECAUSE NOBODY FUCKING BOTHERED TO COVER IT

Note 14: Ron DeSantis said he wants Real Fuckin’ Crazy to be his FDA or CDC chief. So Ron’s reboot is going great. More: NBC

Note 15: We’re embarrassed we haven’t mentioned this sooner, but congrats to the Teamsters and the workers at UPS on their new deal. Hot labor summer is booming, and there’s no way that happens without a union-friendly president in the White House.

Note 16: So how is the White House responding to this ridiculous GOP impeachment talk? By making fun of the GOP. You love to see it. More: HuffPost

Note 17: President Biden is talking about climate change today. Good. He needs to get really fucking serious really fucking fast because this planet is on fucking fire. More: NPR

Note 18: Ryan Kelley, who ran for governor of Michigan as a Republican, pled guilty to a Jan. 6 misdemeanor this morning. So things are continuing to go great for Michigan Republicans. More: AP

Note 19: Y’all, we thought long and hard about how to write about this UFO shit. And frankly we’ve got nothing. So here’s the link… More: HuffPost

Note 20: And on that note, let’s go do some news! We hope y’all are having an awesome week and that Ivanka hasn’t tried to bite you. Stay cool out there, SPs, and we’ll see you back here tomorrow.

Where’s the DiFi coverage?

Yesterday Mitch McConnell had a health issue of some kind while trying to hold a press conference at the Capitol. Mitch was unable to speak, but later came back and said he was “fine.” Then two news reports came out that McConnell has had more falls lately than we knew, including one at DCA. It’s not our style to make fun of someone’s health, and we won’t do that here. But it is our style to call out bullshit double-standards in the press, and we’d sure love to know when the press’s daddy Mitch is gonna get the same coverage that DiFi and Joe Biden get.

More: CNN

Let’s go!!!

Trump’s lawyers are meeting with Special Counsel Jack Smith today as it seems pretty fucking obvious a Jan. 6 indictment is coming soon. And we are so fucking ready for it. It’s been pretty funny watching Trump this week. He’s tried to pivot from obvious fear and anger to acting like he’s actually happy about being indicted for taking part in a coup attempt and violent attack on the Capitol. He says he’s excited. Well we are too, orangey. We are too.

More: HuffPost

WOW!

So Joey Jobs is on a fucking roll, and it must be getting hard for even CNN to ignore it. We got new GDP numbers today, and they came in well above expectations. The economy grew at 2.4 percent in the second quarter, and this comes after 2 percent growth in the first. Even the scumbags on Fox Business are saying “there goes that recession talk.” What this White House has done after a once-in-a-century pandemic is nothing short of a damn miracle. Maybe everyone should be acting like it.

More: CBS

Today’s clips

The Justice Department asked a federal judge on Wednesday to order Texas to remove razor wire-covered barriers in the Rio Grande amid concerns they could harm or kill migrants seeking asylum in the United States. More: HuffPost

But behind two dense lines of text in one of the 12 must-pass House appropriations bills lies a contentious battle over abortion, free speech, social decency — and a peek into the pipeline from anti-abortion protesters to their powerful supporters in Congress. More: TPM