7.20.23 The D*** Pic Party

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. House Republicans are showing dick pics in hearings. You tell us which is worse.

Note: Well they’ve done it now, SPs! We’ve told y’all about a lot of fucked up shit over the years, but this might take the cake. Hell is flying and pigs are freezing over. Or something like that. We’re in shock frankly. And we can’t fucking believe the words we’re about to type…

We agree with Marjorie Taylor Greene.

GASP! TBS, how could you?! Normally you guys are so hot and funny, but this is appalling! That hate-filled Trump dingleberry has become the Larry Flynt of Hunter Biden’s junk pics! It’s a fair criticism. We’re obviously not real comfortable with it either. Especially when that jar of dumpster juice started waving around nekkid pics of Hunter Biden shortly after. But hey, even a racist, cruel dumbshit squirrel finds a nut every once in a while…

LOLOL! We agree! She’s talking about her orange daddy right? LOL! How in the world has this moron been our best surrogate all week? First she accuses Joe Biden of wanting to help working people like FDR and LBJ, then she makes Republicans the Dick Pic Party and now this? We don’t get to pick our enemies. But if we did, her dumb awful ass would surely go number one. Keep being the absolute fucking worst, Marge! Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: That was a joke but we still feel totally icky. But we’re not kidding about MTG being our best surrogate. You know that kick-ass campaign video Dark Brandon dropped this week using Marge’s own words? It did like 50 million views. LOL!

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Note three: If you only read one thing today, make it this. The women who are taking on Texas’s bullshit abortion laws testified yesterday. We’ll warn you that this is an important read, but not an easy one. More: Texas Tribune

Note four: The Florida Board of Education has adopted new educational standards that require teaching that slavery gave slaves job skills. We’re not making this up. We frankly wouldn’t know how to make something like that up. We can only hope news organizations like CNN will continue to ignore this shocking racism. More: Tallahassee

Note five: You know how all the pundits and a lot of our pee-pants friends have been losing their shit over polling? Well the new Quinnipiac poll (we used to just call that the Q poll. Simpler times.) has Biden leading Trump 49-44. We’ve got a great story to tell, y’all. We just gotta keep telling it. More: MSNBC

Note six: Goddamn we fucking hate politics…

Note seven: Gym Jordan kicked off today’s RFJ Jr. Crazytown COVID hearing by suggesting baseball legend Hank Aaron died from the vaccine. Just in case you’re wondering how that’s going.

Note eight: Here is the least surprising news today — Trump put out a truth social post supporting Jason Aldean. Gosh, wonder what he likes about him so much. More: Business Insider

Note nine: Trump has agreed to return the Israeli artifacts he stole from them. So when do we get our stolen shit back? More: WSJ

Note 10: Tommy Tuberville blocked military promotions again last night. Have we considered the possibility this fucking traitor just hates the troops?

Note 11: We’re not gonna link to it, but did y’all see that weird Mitt Romney hotdog video? Oh fuck it. Here’s the link. We don’t want y’all out there googling Mitt Romney’s hotdog video. Lord knows what horrors that might turn up.

Note 12: Senate Judiciary Democrats are finally doing something about our corrupt SCOTUS today. Well sorta. They’re gonna mark up and hopefully vote out Sheldon Whitehouse’s Supreme Court ethics bill. We’re already seeing a red-faced Lindsey Graham and a turtle-faced Mitch McConnell cry about how unfair it is. And really we shouldn’t get our hopes up. There’s just no way there are 10 GOP votes for this. More: ABC

Note 13: This story is fucking infuriating. A Black man was elected mayor in an Alabama town. The town whites won’t let him serve. Make sure to show this to the Washington fuckheads who want to tell you that racism is over. More: Capital B

Note 14: According to MSNBC, Trump won’t appear before the grand jury after Jack Smith invited him to do so. Guess it’s safer to just continue testifying on truth social and Sean Hannity’s show.

Note 15: Ok fuck it. We’re back on the Barbie bandwagon. Btw, the best part of this interview was when he admitted he has not seen the movie.

Note 16: New Hampshire Republican Gov. Chris Sununu says he’s not running for re-election. This is a huge pick-up opportunity. Of course Sununu is completely full of shit so who knows what he’ll really do. More: CNN

Note 17: Early voting is ongoing in Ohio on Issue 1. Remember to vote NO! More: Cincinnati

Note 18: If you happened to win the $1 billion powerball last night, please get in touch with us so we can tell you about our super reasonable sponsorship opportunities. More: CNBC

Note 19: Second Gentleman Doug Emhoff made the trip to the Southern Hemisphere to visit the US Women’s National Team and wish them good luck. The World Cup starts today and we are so fucking fired up for it. Y’all ready?

Note 20: And on that awesome note, let’s go do some news! Hope you Sexy Patriots are having a fantastic week. We know all the dick pics and antisemitism is a lot, but it’s also a great reminder we’re on the right side of things. And that feels pretty damn good. Love y’all!

The Dick Pic Party

In a goddamn hearing about Hunter Biden’s goddamn taxes with two whistleblowers who are obviously partisan shitheads, Marjore Taylor Greene exhibited blown up photos of the president’s only surviving son nude and engaged in sex acts. This was not consensual. And it wasn’t consensual when she emailed them to her constituents either. Thank you to AOC and others on the committee for calling out how fucking disgusting this was. Maybe the press will find the guts to ask McCarthy about it. But don’t hold your breath. These are sick people we’re up against.

More: HuffPost

‘Real Fuckin’ Crazy’

We saw that someone said that’s what RFK stands for and we love it. The deranged dipshit destroying his family name is on Capitol Hill testifying today as a guest of Gym Jordan. If you’re thinking gee why would a Democratic presidential candidate be friends with Gym Jordan then you’ve solved the riddle. As expected, Real Fuckin’ Crazy was saying shit that was real fuckin’ crazy. He denied being an antisemite and an anti-vaxxer even though there is plenty of video evidence showing he is both. Thank you to Del. Stacey Plaskett for calling out RFJ Jr.’s nonsense as “idiotic, bigoted messaging.”

More: The Hill

RA—IST

Warning: This section contains talk about sexual assault

Donald Trump is a rapist. That is a statement of fact according to the judge in the E. Jean Carroll case. Yesterday we told y’all about how E. Jean beat Trump yet again as the judge in her case refused to throw out the jury’s decision. But what we missed was the judge also said that yes, it is accurate to say Trump is a rapist. Those of us who live in reality have known this since we first heard Trump bragging about it with Access Hollywood. It’s what he is. And now thanks to the seemingly endless courage of E. Jean Carroll, a judge has said it. How long will we have to wait until the mainstream media finds the guts to say it?

More: AP

Today’s clips

A proposal for redrawn congressional districts in Alabama has been met with criticism by leaders and advocates, who say the new map is still biased against Black residents, despite a Supreme Court order to address the imbalance. More: NBC

House Republicans on Wednesday advanced an appropriations bill for federal environmental agencies that would boost development of the same fossil fuels driving the myriad disasters that have ravaged the Northern Hemisphere this year. More: HuffPost

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