7.19.23 Michigan justice

Be advised: This newsletter cusses up a storm. Don’t worry. That’s not some dumfuck QAnon reference.

Note: You know, Sexy Patriots, there are days we try to be funny and there are days when we just want to scream cuss words. We’ll let your hot asses decide for yourselves which one today is, but there’s something we need to talk about — the press and abortion.

In 2016, we saw what institutional sexism looked like up close when thousands of (mostly) dude-bro reporters decided that a private email server was the most important issue of all time. And we’re seeing it again now that Roe has fallen with legacy media just refusing to open their eyes and ears to the anger and fear that has taken residence in this country. And so every fucking interview with a Republican goes something like this…

Reporter: Do you support a national abortion ban?

Politician: Well I don’t support aborting 28-year-olds named Lily like Democrats do. They want abortion legal until the 1,456th week!

Reporter: Hmmmmm.

Politician: Yeah, Lily was woke and then she got canceled for not drinking Bud Light and the Demonrats aborted her.

Reporter: (strokes chin and nods with a very serious look on his face) So this was about wokeness?

Politician: You’re damn right. And respecting every life. Except the ones who die because of gun violence, hunger and disease. Ain’t got time for that shit.

Reporter: Do you think Joe Biden is too old?

And so on. And goddamnit is it ever maddening. But you know what? They always do this shit, and we still win. So fuck ‘em. Let their indifference and incompetence fuel our fires and move our feet. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: Needless to say we will not be linking to CNN’s weak ass interview with Ron DeSantis in which he accused Democrats of being in favor of “post-birth abortions” and the tough guy host said nothing. Chickenshit.

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Note three: Did y’all see Dark Brandon bring the pain to Marjorie Taylor Greene? The White House’s rapid response has been terrific. MGT has not.

Note four: We have World Cup fever, and the only cure is a shitload of high quality futbol that starts tomorrow. The US plays their first game on Friday. Woohooo!!!! Let’s fucking gooooooo! More: CBS Sports

Note five: So are we the only people in the world who had never heard of Jason Aldean and wish we could’ve kept it that way? Thanks to Shannon Watts for taking on this shithead. And thanks to CMT for pulling that horrific video. More: CNN

Note six: We have to admit that we’re no longer as excited to see Barbie after this…

Note seven: Every picture of that slimy motherfucker makes our skin crawl.

Note eight: It’s paywalled, but WaPo looked at Tommy Tuberville’s campaign pledge to donate his whole Senate salary to veterans and how there’s zero evidence he has done that. Can’t believe that racist anti-American fuckhead is a liar too. More Washington Post (Paywall)

Note nine: House Republicans are having another hearing about Biden and the IRS and the Deep State or some shit today. NBCNews’s Ken Dilanian is happy to buy all their bullshit. The rest of us know better. More: AP

Note 10: Something to keep in mind is these are the same deranged nutjobs who invited RFK Jr to testify tomorrow. More: CBS

Note 11: Fuck Joe Manchin and motherfuck No Labels. That’s it. That’s the note.

Note 12: There was a special election in Wisconsin yesterday. We lost, but we only lost by 7 points in a district that favors Republicans by 24 points. So this is good news. More: AP

Note 13: Trump went on Fox News last night. In addition to lots and lots and lots of lies, he also devoted some time to kissing Chinese dictator ass. How dumb do you have to be to believe this corrupt piece of crap is tough on China? More: Mediaite

Note 14: It looks like “Judge” Aileen Cannon is gonna delay the Trump trial. Big shocker. Thanks to Jack Smith and the coming indictment (which will eventually be tried in DC), we’re not as worried. Three out of four convictions would be just fine with us. More: CNN

Note 15: We have not talked enough about how awesome Maryland Gov. Wes Moore is. Please check out this wonderful story in Vogue. More: Vogue

Note 16: Now this is how you take a selfie…

Note 17: This is cool. A new super PAC is gonna spend millions getting Black voters to the polls to elect Hakeem Jeffries the first Black Speaker of the House. We’re in! More: NBC

Note 18: Congratulations to new Sixth Circuit Court Judge Rachel Bloomekatz! Let’s keep it going! More: Bloomberg Law

Note 19: We couldn’t find a happy note to end on so we were looking for something funny. Which do you think is better — Roseanne being back on twitter or a Charlottesville tiki-torcher getting arrested for Jan. 6? Definitely the latter, right? More: NBC

Note 20: And on that hilariously fucked up note, let’s go do some news! We just know this week is going great for y’all. And if it ain’t, don’t worry because the weekend will be here before you know it and we’ll be back here cussing same time tomorrow. Love y’all!

Michigan justice

Yesterday was a big day for going after the scum who attempted a coup against our country. You know about the big boy getting busted, but we were standing and cheering when we saw that Michigan AG Dana Nessel charged the 16 fake electors who tried to help Trump overturn a US presidential election. They are charged with felonies. And we’ve learned that Jack Smith has taken a keen interest in fake electors too, talking to witnesses in a number of swing states. Congratulations to the morons who threw their lives away for a dumbshit gameshow host.

More: AP

Winning!

E. Jean Carroll is like Biden in Georgia — she just keeps beating Trump. This morning a judge threw out Trump’s request for a new trial, saying the jury did just fine despite the rantings of an orange dirtbag. So we assume he’s writing that check for $5 million this morning. We’re kidding. He’ll keep fighting it. But so will E. Jean. Her federal trial against him is scheduled for Jan. 15.

More: CNN

What the fuck?!

So yesterday, when Donald Trump found out he was being indicted, he got a call from the Speaker of the House. Then Trump called another person in GOP leadership so they could coordinate his defense and efforts to attack Jack Smith. This is all from CNN, and it is presented as if it’s the most normal shit in the world. WHY THE FUCK ISN’T THIS BEING TREATED AS A SCANDAL? A former president attacks the US Capitol to overturn an election and then coordinates his defense with the US House of Representatives?! What?! Well we promise you we have zero intention of treating this fucked up shit like it’s normal.

More: CNN

Today’s clips

Rudy Giuliani, Donald Trump’s former personal lawyer, on Tuesday vehemently denied that he “flipped” on the former president in the Justice Department’s investigation into the Jan. 6, 2021, insurrection and efforts to undo the 2020 presidential election. More: HuffPost

Las Vegas police served a search warrant this week in connection with the more than quarter-century-old unsolved slaying of rap icon Tupac Shakur, authorities said Tuesday. More: NBC

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