7.17.23 Sinema ain’t doing so great

Be advised: This newsletter uses bad words like fuck, shit and Marjorie Taylor Greene.

Note: Sexy Patriots! We don’t know how the hell y’all do it, but you are positively glowing. Getting sexier and more patriotic by the goddamn day! Is it summertime agreeing with you? Or at least the parts that aren’t highlighting the horrific realities of climate change? Well whatever it is, y’all look like a zillion bucks.

Us? We’re having a great summer too. And yes we’re also getting sexier and more patriotic. We’ve picked up a new hobby this summer, and we’re having a fucking blast. No, it’s not pickleball, you silly geese. It’s called Laughing Our Fucking Asses Off at Mike Pence Ball, and y’all are gonna love it.

Basically instead of a racquet and a little court, you have a long stick and a megaphone. You take the long stick and use it as an extension of your pointer finger and you point it in Pence’s direction. Then you turn on the microphone and laugh hysterically at shockingly pathetic shit like this…

Holy shit, Mikey! How embarrassing! Even that fly won’t be seen with him anymore. We’re beginning to think the people who tried to kill him and his family don’t want him to be president. His wimp ass was just on stage with Tucker Carlson the other day kissing fired nazi ass and shrugging off Jan. 6 and it was so humiliating it moved beyond politics and into fetish. It’s always the creepy fuckers you expect, ain’t it?

Pence keeps reminding everyone it’s his mission to make it punishable by stoning for women who show ankle so let us all take a few moments this summer to laugh at his rather public failure and humiliation. Keep going, shithead. What’s the worst that could happen? Oh right. Nevermind.

Y’all have a blessed day.

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Note two: George Santos raised $130,000. He paid himself $85,000 of it. Kevin McCarthy is fine with this, and the press is fine with Kevin McCarthy. More: Forbes

Note three: The NYT has another scary story today about how Trump is going to remake the presidency so he can be a dictator. These NYT reporters are gonna be fucking shocked when someone tells them Trump launched a violent attack on the US Capitol. More: NY Times (Paywall)

Note four: If Pence doesn’t make the debate stage, we might have to take the next morning off to treat a laughing hangover.

Note five: Republicans had another one of their nazi rallies this weekend, but this one came with a twist — MTG doing an ad for Biden…

Note six: After barely winning reelection by 546 votes, Lauren Boebert changed absolutely nothing. And that’s why we think we can beat her dumbass this time. More: NBC

Note seven: Congressional Republicans spent the weekend defending their efforts to impose their abortion bullshit on members of the military. Republicans don’t realize how bad this issue is for them because a mostly dude bro press corps still doesn’t give a shit. More: CBS

Note eight: If you’re a Grateful Dead fan, then this weekend was a bit of a sad one. Dead and Co. wrapped up what is supposed to be their last tour. What a long, strange trip it’s been. More: HuffPost

Note nine: Vote suppressor and all-around jackass Frank LaRose announced he is running for Senate against Sherrod Brown. We must defend this seat. More: Politico

Note 10: Live your life in a way that if you ever declare publicly you don’t snort cocaine, the whole internet doesn’t laugh its ass off.

Note 11: One of our favorite things about Joe Biden is how he doesn’t ask us to pay his legal bills. In fact, he’s being pretty damn careful with the money people give him for his campaign. More: Politico

Note 12: We still feel icky using Politico stories, but too many news orgs are slacking on stories we think are important.

Note 13: The extreme weather we’re seeing all over the nation and the world is just undeniable at this point. We can deal with climate change or it can deal with us. More: Politico

Note 14: Trump went on Fox yesterday to butter up “Judge” Cannon. It will probably work. Excuse us while we go puke for a minute. More: The Hill

Note 15: WHO’S READY FOR THE WOMEN’S WORLD CUP?!!!!

Note 16: This morning, House Democratic Leader Hakeem Jeffries called for Senate Democrats to do away with the blue slip tradition. Goddamn right. NO LINK YET

Note 17: In addition to just sucking, Ron DeSantis is also sucking wind. Yeah, he’s firing staff and changing strategy and going on Tapper’s show this week so everyone can see how normal and cool he isn’t. Oh well. We hope he still finds time to eat shit. More: NBC

Note 18: We want to say thank you and good luck to the Rev. Jesse Jackson as he announces he is stepping down from leading the Rainbow PUSH Coalition. We don’t have to tell you SPs about the reverend’s importance to the Democratic Party over the years. We hope he enjoys his retirement. More: HuffPost

Note 19: Dolly Parton said she’s never retiring and hopes to just drop dead on stage someday. Goddamn we love this woman, and we hope she lives forever. More: Entertainment

Note 20: And on that awesome note, let’s go do some news! We hope y’all had an awesome weekend, and we just know this week is gonna kick ass. Love y’all!

LOLOL

Kyrsten Sinema is the worst, so we really enjoy her public humiliations. And we’ve got a fresh one as Democrat Ruben Gallego outraised Sinema yet again. Ruben put up more than $3 million and Sinema relied on her rich puppet masters to get her to a paltry $1.7 million. Wasn’t the whole point of her selling us out was to have rich people take care of her career? Or is her post-Senate career they’re going to help with? Guess we’ll find out soon. Keep going, Ruben!

More: Politico

And an antisemite?!

RJK Jr. has gone from being a joke to frontrunner for worst person in the world. Over the weekend video leaked of the Democratic presidential candidate “ethnically targeted” so it wouldn’t hurt or kill Jewish or Chinese people. Yes, he is a dangerous scumbag. And of course Gym Jordan has invited this roided out freakshow to testify this week about COVID. Brace yourselves, SPs. The stupidity is just starting.

More: HuffPost

Fuck Joe Manchin

Hating Joe Manchin is not new. But the level we’re all about to hate him at is. Manchin is heading to New Hampshire today to join Joe Lieberman and a bunch of Republicans for a No Labels event. No Labels is a dark money organization with a bunch of insiders and Republicans pulling the strings. Manchin has been knifing us in the back for a while. He’s gone to New Hampshire to get a machete. Fuck Joe Manchin.

More: Guardian

Today’s clips

Democrats are blasting Sen. Tommy Tuberville as the Alabama Republican is single-handedly blocking hundreds of military promotions over a Pentagon abortion policy. More: HuffPost

For months, Harlan Crow and members of Congress have been engaged in a fight over whether the billionaire needs to divulge details about his gifts to Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, including globe-trotting trips aboard his 162-foot yacht, the Michaela Rose. More: TPM

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