7.12.23 What happened to Iowa?

Be advised: This newsletter uses cuss words to talk about politics. And really how the hell could you trust a political newsletter that doesn’t?

Note: Howdy, Sexy Patriots! How the heck are you today? Sexy and Patriotic? Yep, we knew it! Today we thought we’d do something a little different and talk about music. We listened to that song Trump made with the Jan. 6 scumbags and we can’t believe we’re saying this but it’s not half bad.

Just kidding! Can you fucking imagine? Sorry to scare you like that. We’d rather poop out of our ears. No, this is actually a Jack White appreciation post. If you’re not familiar with White, he’s a badass musician (the White Stripes) and rock star who took to Instagram to call out Guy Fieri, Mark Wahlberg and Joe Rogan and anyone else who hangs out with orange assbreath.

Hell yeah, Jack! We were already fans, but this is fantastic. You know, when Trump first got elected (with Russia’s help) in 2016, we searched our minds desperately for a silver lining and the only goddamn thing we could come up with is well surely this will inspire some awesome rock ‘n’ roll like the turbulent 60s. But other than Childish Gambino’s This is America, we mostly got jack shit. Instead we just learned who the musicians really were. There were some awesome surprises (Taylor Swift, Axl Rose) and some horrific surprises (seriously what the fuck is going on with Ice Cube?). But we’re still waiting on all the cool defiant new music to drop. That’s why we’ve decided to start a rock band. And we are gonna suck. We don’t even play any instruments. Oh well. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: If there were great anti-fascism songs that were inspired by the Menace of Mar-a-Lago, then please send them our way. We are not the hippest cats. Also, here’s a classic White Stripes video…

Your Direct Access to the World’s Best Independent Winemakers

Support award-winning independent winemakers from around the globe–without the middleman. You can save up to 60% by purchasing directly from Naked Wines and enjoy hand-curated, exclusive wines at fair prices. Join them in backing the world's best independent winemakers today!

Note three: Wait. What? A lawyer with business before SCOTUS paid a Clarence Thomas aide BY FUCKING VENMO?! Nice to know you can buy a justice the same way you reimburse your roommate for pizza. More: Guardian

Note four: Today Gym Jordan is going to beat up on Chris Wray. Frankly we don’t give a shit. Wray is a disaster as FBI director, and he probably deserves whatever those creeps do to him. But we should keep in mind (and by we, we mean the gullible rubes at CNN), the people grilling him helped launch and then cover up an attack on the Capitol. More: NBC

Note five: If you live in Ohio, early voting has started on Issue 1, which would raise the threshold to amend the state constitution to 60 percent. They’re doing this to try and stop an abortion protection initiative. So vote NO. More: Spectrum

Note six: Hollywood studio executives are some sick fucks.

Note seven: You know how we found out that House Republicans have been using an alleged Chinese spy to smear the Bidens? Well they don’t care. They still want to call him as a witness. It’s almost like they’re not worried about the kiss-asses at Punchbowl Politico calling them out for being full of shit. More: Washington Post

Note eight: It only took a jury finding Trump liable for sexual abuse for Merrick Garland to decide DOJ shouldn’t defend Trump. We’re not even celebrating this shit. It never should’ve been necessary. More: HuffPost

Note nine: Tommy Tuberbille is a racist dumbshit. How do we know? It took two days and tons of pressure for him to back off and admit that white nationalists are racists. How long until a reporter asks him if Democrats are too woke? More: Rolling Stone

Note 10: We’re not proud of it but we kinda want to see this dork fight Elon in a cage match.

Note 11: Speaking of Elon, last night he was promoting Tucker Carlson’s latest interview which was a sympathetic sit down with alleged human trafficker and rapist Andrew Tate. Yes, twitter is really fucking gross these days. More: Independent

Note 12: Child marriage is now illegal in Michigan. Why is this just now happening? Because the people who want to protect our kids also want to marry them. More: MI Advance

Note 13: Huge congrats to Clarence Thomas on winning the Super Bowl. We don’t remember him playing or being on any teams, but he has a Super Bowl ring and believes everyone should get what they have based on merit, so we’re assuming he must’ve won the damn thing. Or he’s just a corrupt hypocrite asshole. More: NBC Sports

Note 14: Rolling Stone has a story that says Fox News and Rupert are moving on from DeSantis. Isn’t this a weird way to talk about a news channel? Or are we done pretending they’re a news channel? More: Rolling Stone

Note 15: Isn’t it nice to have a president who does this instead of being the human equivalent of a fart in an elevator?

Note 16: Is anybody else insanely fired up for the women’s World Cup?

Note 17: Leslie Van Houten of the Manson family has been released for prison. We don’t have any jokes here. It’s all just gross and sad and extremely fucked up. More: People

Note 18: Marjorie Taylor Greene yesterday called for the US to withdraw from NATO. Sure is weird how her foreign policy views line up exactly with Putin’s. It’s even weirder that no one ever asks her about it. More: Independent

Note 19: Congratulations to tennis star Naomi Osaka on the birth of her daughter. Woohoo! More: People

Note 20: And on that lovely note, let’s go do some news. Hope y’all have an awesome day, and don’t forget to subscribe to our new weekly podcast. And since we mentioned it earlier, here’s Childish Gambino’s This is America. Love y’all!

Fuck Joe Manchin

Remember Joe Manchin spent the last two years sticking a knife in his own party’s back over and over and over again? Well it turns out he was just getting warmed up. Manchin and failed Republican presidential nobody Jon Huntsman are doing a No Labels event in New Hampshire next week, and everyone is wondering if that’s the third party ticket that’s going to put Trump back in the White House. Because it sure fucking looks that way. What an asshole.

More: The Hill

What happened to Iowa?

It’s hard to believe there was a time when Iowa led the nation in fighting for gay marriage. Now they’re passing abortion bans in the middle of the night. Yeah, Iowa Republicans stayed up late to pass a six-week abortion ban after Gov. Kim Reynolds called them back for a special session to do only that. It should be obvious now that the fall of Roe was just the beginning. And we are so ready to make these fuckers feel our anger at the ballot box.

More: NBC

Dark Brandon rises

As inflation falls. The new Consumer Price Index dropped this morning showing inflation at 3 percent for June, which is a pretty significant drop from 9.9 percent a year ago (h/t Heather Long). This is the lowest level in more than two years. This is the 12th consecutive month it has dropped. Let’s hope the out-of-touch rich shitheads at the Fed will stop trying to put Americans out of work to stop inflation. Dark Brandon is already on it.

More: CNBC

Today’s clips

When Texas A&M University announced last month that it had hired a director to revive its journalism school, it included the kind of fanfare usually reserved for college coaches and athletes. More: Texas Tribune

Become a Super Sexy Patriot supporter of This Week's Big Stuff podcast and you'll get an audio recap of all the best stories we cover each week every Friday.