6.9.23 Trump once again talks on tape about committing crimes

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity and performance-enhancing drugs. We’re just talking about coffee, but we figured you should know.

Note: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! Look whose sorry orange ass got indicted again! Womp! Womp! What a week! Things are nuts, right?! There’s always so much happening at once that it’s easy to miss the historical nature of all this fucked up shit.

And with Trump it’s damn near impossible to keep up. That motherfucker does two Watergates, three Iran-Contras and a Teapot Dome all before lunch. He’s the James Brown of committing crimes against the United States of America (hardest working man in show business). So let’s take a second to step back and appreciate what we’re seeing here and just how huge and awesome it is. Really breathe that shit in.

We had a whole thing about other people in history who remind us of RFK Jr., but we’re gonna save it for Monday and today we’re just gonna savor this moment and encourage you to do the same. That sonofabitch caused a lot of damage that we’ll be fighting to undo for decades. To see him start to get a small taste of justice is small consolation but it’s still fun as all hell. So fuck off, orangey! Enjoy the American justice system, ya miserable shithead. Hope y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: Disregard all of that. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. This is why we can’t have nice things…

Note three: Seriously?! Cannon?!

Note four: We need to get the good vibes from the opening note going again so let’s just pretend Cannon will do the right thing and recuse herself (lol) did you know Trump is looking at 100 years maximum in prison for the shit he did? Nice to dream about, isn’t it? More: ABC

Note five: We know he keeps saying he’s innocent, but we just don’t believe him.

Note six: Regardless of what happens, it’s just good to know that our Congress is infiltrated by former dirty cops who are sharing QAnon battle plans for the public to see. Maybe someone should ask McCarthy about this?

Note seven: Mittens Romney just broke with the GOP and said Trump brought this shit on himself. If Mittens is the voice of courage in your party then your party doesn’t have any courage. But thanks, Mittens. NO LINK YET

Note eight: Biden is headed to North Carolina today. He’s visiting the newly named Ft. Liberty and he’s talking about helping out military families. We assume he’s not getting indicted today. More: WRAL

Note nine: Pat Robertson is still dead.

Note 10: Btw we love all the Republicans who are like Joe Biden arrested Donald Trump! Motherfuckers, we can’t even get him to fire Louis DeJoy.

Note 11: So that SCOTUS news yesterday was MASSIVE. How massive? Well it likely would’ve changed who won control of the house last year, and Cook is already making ratings changes…

Note 12: There was another shocking win at the high and corrupt as fuck court yesterday. This time to protect Medicaid. Yeah we don’t know what’s going on either but it sure makes us nervous. More: Vox

Note 13: Let’s check in on Ken Paxton and see how he’s doing. Oh the FBI arrested the Texas businessman who’s accused of bribing Paxton? Excellent. More: Texas Tribune

Note 14: It’s our understanding that last night’s Pride celebration at the White House was postponed because it was supposed to be outside and the air is gravy. We hope y’all still celebrated anyway. We know we did hearing a president have our friends’ backs. More: AP

Note 15: This story says Elon Musk is “the most dangerous antisemite in America.” We don’t have any quibble with that assessment. More: Forward

Note 16: Republicans don’t believe in climate change, but they do believe in attacking Canada over wildfires.

Note 17: Remember that Trump stooge at DOJ Jeffrey Clark? Well after he stalled for eight months a federal judge now says the DC bar can discipline his corrupt treasonous ass. More: Reuters

Note 18: You know that FBI whistleblower Republicans were so excited about? Well he was suspended for leaking to Project Veritas. Definitely seems like a Gym Jordan kinda guy. More: NBC

Note 19: Let’s end on a hilarious note — George Santos’s fucking lawyer was at Jan. 6. It’s like this dude is a lint roller for scum. More: Mother Jones

Note 20: Oh and one more just because he sucks so bad — Newt Gingrich was seen testifying before the Jan. 6 grand jury. Does that count as an open marriage?

Note 21: And on that too funny note, let’s go do some news and then go do this weekend. Try not to let Aileen be the turd in this bowl of delicious punch. Enjoy your weekend and know that accountability finally seems to be coming for Trump. And if it doesn’t we’ll just beat his ass at the polls again leaving him to spend the rest of his life muttering about how he should’ve won as he poops himself while dancing to Macho Man. Love y’all!

Sorry, Mitch!

Remember last year when Mitch McConnell couldn’t find any normal people to run for the Senate so they ran a bunch of freaks like Blake Masters and Herschel Walker? Well the GOP appears to be headed down that batshit crazy street once again as Rep. Mike Gallagher just said no thanks to a Senate run against Tammy Baldwin. You know who’s leading the Republican polling? Sheriff David Clarke. Remember that lunatic asshole? Yeah, fingers crossed.

More: The Hill

Philly!

Joey Jobs aka Dark Brandon is about to get back on that campaign trail. The White House announced today that Biden will be visiting Philadelphia next week where he will hold a rally with union workers. Biden’s pro-union cred has taken a hit on the far left, so it’s smart to get out there and remind everyone just how much he has accomplished for the middle class in this country. It also means this race is about to take off so get ready.

More: Philadelphia Inquirer

Lordy

It is just fucking stunning how many times we’ve reported that there are tapes of Trump talking about committing a crime. Seriously think about it. Ukraine, Georgia, Access Hollywood. This sonofabitch just can’t stop confessing on tape. It’s like he goes into a recording studio to plan his capers. This time CNN has tapes of Trump talking about how his documents are classified and he’s showing them to people and he’s talking about how he should have declassified them but didn’t. Seems like a slam dunk. Or at least something Aileen Cannon can embarrass herself over.

More: CNN

Today’s clips

Former President Donald Trump has been indicted by the Justice Department over his handling of classified documents at his residence at Mar-a-Lago in Florida, several news outlets reported Thursday evening. More: HuffPost

Raj Shah, the Fox Corp. brand protection executive who pushed Fox News in an even more pro-Trump direction after the 2020 election, has left the company. More: CNN

If you enjoy laughing at Trump with us, consider helping us keep this newsletter free. $10, $3, even $1 would go a long way to help us keep writing and distributing our daily notes and news right to your inbox.