6.4.24 Now that’s corrupt

Be advised: This newsletter cusses like Marjorie Taylor Greene. And we are NOT proud of that

Note: Well, Sexy Patriots, we’re in a bit of a conundrum. Before U.S. politics went and got all fucking gross, there weren’t that many of us who were cussing like crazy in public. Politicians used to say cheesy shit like darn and heck and malarkey. And while some still do, others have basically mutated into rat-eating toilet monsters who crawled out of the sewers and became walking, talking Shit People…

Goddamnit, Marge! Those are our words! We are the cussers!!! Ugh!!! So yeah, we don’t know what the fuck to do. On the one hand, we want to keep cussing so we can call out twisted fucks like Marge and her friends. But on the other hand we don’t want to sound like Marge and her friends. What’s a cussing newsletter to do? Well, we have an idea.

From now on, there is righteous cussing (“Big fucking deal”) and gross scum cussing (everything MTG and Trump say). Problem solved, right? Thank goodness. Because we just couldn’t live with ourselves if we had to resort to calling that dirtbag a goshdarn no-goodnick from heck when everyone knows she’s a goddamn shithead from hell. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: We’re not gonna post anymore video of the scary kids attacking Dr. Fauci, but we are gonna say we think Fauci is an American hero and it’s just awful that the scum who attacked our Capitol are attacking him too. More: HuffPost

Note three: Biden called Trump a convicted felon. He should also call him an asshole. More: Politico

Note four: Opening statements are starting in Hunter Biden’s trial. When does he start whining about a cold courtroom and sleeping and farting? Or are those just Trump things? More: NBC

Note five: The modern Republican Party is just really, really horrible people…

Note six: Michael Cohen’s family was doxxed. That means his wife and children. Yes, that is extremely fucked up. More: NBC

Note seven: Did Dark Brandon break OPEC? Because that would really be something. More: MeidasTouch

Note eight: Trump judges went on a luxury trip and then fucked over America. Has anyone seen Dick Durbin? More: HuffPost

Note nine: Yesterday some idiot meathead ESPN dude bro called Caitlin Clark a “white bitch.” And he thought he was being complimentary. Ugh. So here’s Jemele Hill calling out just how bad some of these dudes are at talking about women’s sports. More: The Atlantic

Note 10: Fox’s John Roberts is a goddamn liar.

Note 11: We should all be pretty freaked out about what’s happening at the big newspapers. Once again it seems that TBS is gonna have to step up and be the goddamn news. More: NotUs

Note 12: Bob Menendez filed to run as an Independent. That means we got rid of him and Manchin in the same week. Great work, everybody! More: Politico

Note 13: Welp, looks like some Trump assholes just caught some charges in Wisconsin. Better late than never, we suppose. More: WBAY

Note 14: Here’s today’s reminder that the RFK ticket is just right-wing trash…

Note 15: What the fuck is happening in Texas? Actually, don’t answer that. But you have to see this story about these two shithead professors who want to be able to flunk students who get abortions. Yes, they are both dudes. Yes, they think women pee out of their butts. More: Salon

Note 16: Lindsey Graham is defending Hunter Biden. So Hunter must be guilty as hell. More: HuffPost

Note 17: Donald Trump is a convicted felon. He’s also a shitty dancer.

Note 18: We love Katy Perry for fixing that asshole kicker’s speech… More: CNN

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending note, we give you high school graduate Annabelle Jenkins, who handed her principal a copy of the Handmaid’s Tale at graduation after his punk ass banned the book. Thank you, Annabelle, for sending a brave and powerful message to a fascist asshead. More: People

Note 20: And on that inspiring note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all don’t mind us cussing. And we hope even more that we don’t sound like Marjorie when we do. Because that might actually make us quit. Or not. Love y’all!

Goddamnit

So Trump’s appeal to have DA Fani Willis thrown off his case just got oral arguments scheduled and they’re not until fucking October for some reason. So yeah that means yet another Trump trial over his coup attempt won’t go to trial before the next election. How the fuck is this possible?

More: HuffPost

Now that’s corrupt

The extreme right-wing “news” organization the Epoch Times has been spending cash like crazy the last few years in an effort to prop up Trump and other right-wingers. Where did they get the money? Well, from money-laundering. Yeah, yesterday DOJ announced charges against the Epoch Times and its CFO. Gosh, it sure is weird how all these folks on the right are corrupt as fuck.

More: CNBC

Go Joe!

In a move that is sure to piss off the New York Times even more, Joe Biden sat down for an interview with Time and it is worth your time to check it out. God that was cheesy. We’re sorry. Anyway, Biden says “all the bad guys” want Trump to win, he says it’s reasonable to conclude that Bibi wants to keep the war going to help himself politically and he says some really eye-opening shit about Jan. 6. Check it out.

More: TIME

Today’s clips

The White House is telling lawmakers that President Joe Biden is preparing to sign off on an executive order that would shut down asylum requests at the U.S.-Mexico border once the average number of daily encounters hits 2,500 at ports of entry, with the border reopening only once that number declines to 1,500, according to several people familiar with the discussions. More: HuffPost

California officials are cheering Mexican President-elect Claudia Sheinbaum’s victory as one for the California climate, too. More: Politico