6.15.23 Trump’s plan for revenge

Be advised: This is a cussing newsletter. But we finally got it to stop throwing garbage at people.

Note: Uh-oh, SPs! We are in serious trouble. No time for pleasantries today. A US Senator is threatening America and we need to take it seriously. Or not…

LOL! Oh no! If we hold a former president accountable for launching a violent coup against the country Lindsey Graham is gonna be outraged! Whatever shall we do? Well we don’t know about y’all, but we say fuck Lindsey Graham and motherfuck his outrage. What’s he gonna do? Boycott Bud Light? Cry about Dr. Seuss? Fight a Teletubby? Fuuuuuck him. Major Outrage can meet General Kiss Our Ass.

And what about our outrage? Because we are sure as shit not done being fucking furious that these relentless dingleberries had their friends fuck up our beautiful Capitol and damn near end our democracy. So bring the case, Jack, and let Lindsey be outraged and we’ll use his tears to clean QAnon poop off the walls on Capitol Hill. Y’all have a blessed day.

Oh and CNN, maybe try a follow-up the next time this gutless shitweasel threatens America.

Note two: Y’all wanna hear something freaking crazy? We haven’t made a single Walt Nauta joke since he got indicted. Nauta one.

Note three: We’re so sorry.

Note four: House Oversight Chairman James Comer is no longer sure about those tapes he and Republicans have been talking about for days. At some point reporters will stop playing along with this bullshit, right? Right?! More: HuffPost

Note five: Speaking of Comer, here’s AOC stuffing him in a locker yesterday. Jamie doesn’t seem to be very good at this stuff.

Note six: Biden’s going to make an announcement that Ticketmaster and LiveNation will have to tell you the whole price of a ticket up front. That’s cool and all but we’d rather they do something about a monopoly that allows for 7000 percent service fees. More: CNBC

Note seven: Have we ever mentioned how much we love Gov. Gretchen Whitmer? Check out this Vanity Fair piece and we think you’ll see why. More: Vanity Fair

Note eight: Texas Gov. Greg Abbott human-trafficked about 40 migrants, including children, to LA last night. All this kidnapping and moving people across state lines under false pretenses makes us wish there was some sort of federal department of justice or something. More: ABC7

Note nine: It’s SCOTUS decision day and they didn’t strip away basic human rights from millions of women so that’s good. And frankly we’re confused by what they did do — protect tribal sovereignty. They basically said they’re not fucking with the Indian Child Welfare Act and that’s a positive thing. We’re still waiting for Moore v. Harper. That’s the big one that’s got us pooping ourselves a little. More: NPR

Note 10: It hasn’t gotten a ton of attention, but the White House went to war with a reeling Fox News this week and notched some victories. And KJP taking a shot at the $787 billion settlement was hilarious.

Note 11: Btw, the shit Fox pulled with the Pride flag yesterday was pretty fucking gross even for them. More: CNN

Note 12: So y’all know we love us some Dark Brandon, but we were sure surprised to see four environmental groups endorse him yesterday. Sure the IRA is a huge investment in fighting climate change, but the Willow Project and the Mountain Valley Pipeline just about cancel it out. Gen Z will not be fooled by these endorsements. More: CNN

Note 13: If it’s cool with y’all we’re just gonna go ahead and keep not giving two shits about the congressional baseball game.

Note 14: We totally forgot to mention that Las Vegas won the Stanley Cup for like two days and we didn’t get one single email about it.

Note 15: We ain’t mentioned DeShithead in a while. Let’s check in and see how his war with Disney is going…

Note 16: The mayor of Miami just announced he’s running for president. He’s also expecting to be indicted soon. It’s probably reasonable to see this dude as the first person to do The Trump Thang of running for president to avoid prison. More: ABC

Note 17: If you haven’t seen this story out of Canada about some miserable piece of shit harassing a 9-year-old girl at a track and field event then get ready to be fucking furious. And huge congratulations to the New York reporters and pundits who were just asking questions about trans people. More: CBC

Note 18: Yesterday a grand jury indicted the dude who choked Jordan Neely to death. It’s probably a good message to send that you don’t get to kill everyone who scares you. More: NPR

Note 19: Let’s end on a good one — the fucking Fed is finally taking a pause on raising interest rates and trying to put Americans out of work in the name of taming inflation. Guess those out-of-touch asshats will have to find a new way to fuck with the American worker. More: NPR

Note 20: And on that kinda sorta positive note, let’s go do some news! We hope y’all are having an awesome week. Try not to get any of Lindsey Graham’s outrage on your shoes. That shit is hard to get off. Love y’all!

Dale yeah!

There has been so much to celebrate as Biden has sought to remake the federal judiciary to look more like America and her people. And even though we have devoted quite a bit of time and space to cussing Dick Durbin’s chicken ass up and down, we all should take a moment to celebrate Judge Dale Ho and his confirmation to the SDNY district court. Ho is a heavyweight champion voting rights lawyer, and he’s so good that every single Senate Republican (including Joe Manchin’s sorry butt) voted against him. Fortunately for us, Tim Scott was out trying to get from 4 to 5 percent in the Republican presidential primary and missed the vote. We are super lucky the people we’re up against are dumber than dog shit.

More: HuffPost

Rep. Luna-tic

Rep. Anna Paulina Luna embarrassed herself yesterday. That part isn’t news. What is news is that the QAnon dumbshit who may or may not have had an actual Nazi soldier grandpa tried to take down Adam Schiff and lost. Luna has been going after Schiff nonstop since she got to Congress six months ago, and it hasn’t been going great. On Tuesday, Luna got a vote for her resolution to censure Schiff and fine him $16 million over the Russia investigation and his remarks. She lost. Twenty Republicans joined all Democrats in voting to table Luna’s idiotic bullshit. As it was over, she and Lauren Boebert — apparently unaware that victory laps require a victory — were taunting Schiff that they were coming after him again next week. The beltway media seems to think this is all fine and normal.

More: NBC

Well this is terrifying

The New York Times has a story today about how Trump is scheming with Jeffrey Clark, the DOJ scum who aided his coup attempt, to get rid of DOJ independence in a second term and retool it to go after Trump’s enemies, including Biden and his family. Yes, this is EXTREMELY fucked up and just one more reason we’re gonna have to make sure that orange crapstain never gets close to the White House again.

More: NY Times

Today’s clips

Republican presidential candidate Mike Pence on Wednesday would not commit to pardoning Donald Trump if elected, pressing conservative radio host Clay Travis on whether he knew all “the facts” about Trump’s indictment in a tense interview. More: HuffPost

A southwestern Montana man has been sentenced to 18 years in federal prison after being convicted of a hate crime and firearms charges for threatening a woman with violent, homophobic slurs and shooting at her house with an assault rifle as part of a self-described “mission” to rid a small town of its LGBTQ community. More: AP

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