6.14.24 Embarrassing

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. It’s how we cuss out assholes who shit-talk Milwaukee.

Note: Sexy Patriots! One reason we’re happy to put out a cussing newsletter is we can say thank fucking god it’s Friday. This week being over is certainly something to celebrate. You know what’s not? Donald Trump’s birthday. Yeah, fuck that asshole.

But seriously, orange dingus turns 78 today (that’s 164 in dumbfuck demon years or Trump University math), and we sure hope all that shit on his face isn’t flammable when he goes to blow out all those candles. Now normally what we like to do in this situation is joke that we made a poop cake for whomever the asshead is we hate who is having a birthday.

But we actually have very special recipe for this very special buttlick that we’ve been perfecting for years. So here’s what we put in Donald Trump’s birthday cake.

And the thing is, he loved it. Ate every goddamn bite. That dude just ain’t all there. Anyway, fuck off, Donnie. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: We know what you’re gonna say — Possums don’t have butts. They have tails. And it’s opossums. Or is it? Anyway, this weekend is Father’s Day, and so for this week’s This Week’s Big Stuff we did an interview with the Ghost of Fred Trump. Is it in poor taste? Oh you bet your hot asses it is. So subscribe to our weekly podcast and help keep this fucked up newsletter going. More: Patreon

Note three: SCOTUS did not rule on Trump’s bullshit immunity claim today. They’re really helping him delay it as long as they can. Fuckers.

Note four: Happy Flag Day, which is probably a pretty big deal in the Alito household.

Note five: Even greedy CEOs are freaked out by what a dumpster fire Trump’s brain is…

Note six: We’ve been pretty angry about the lack of action from Senate Democrats when it comes to our corrupt SCOTUS, but yesterday they revealed more trips Clarence Thomas took on his billionaire buddy’s jet. So maybe our team is working on this. More: Guardian

Note seven: We got ahead of ourselves yesterday and said Senate Republicans voted against protecting IVF. They did, we just had the timing wrong. More: NBC

Note eight: We’ll get to it in the news section, but it’s hard to describe how fucked up this bump stock ruling is from SCOTUS today.

Note nine: Trump attacked Milwaukee yesterday. We sure hope Milwaukee doesn’t forget. More: Yahoo

Note 10: Yes, Adam Schiff. This is how you do it!

Note 11: The Associated Press ran a story yesterday about Trump making “a triumphant return to Capitol Hill.” Yeah, so the AP is fucked. And no we’re not linking to that horse shit.

Note 12: Joe Biden said yesterday at the G7 in Italy that he will not pardon Hunter or commute his sentence. It’s almost like the president of the United States respects the fucking law. More: CNN

Note 13: After he was convicted, Trump reached out to MAGA Mike Johnson for help. This is the kind of shit the media thinks is a HUGE scandal. But only if a Democrat does it. And Democrats don’t do shit like this. More: Politico

Note 14: We realize that when it comes to Trump, batshit fucking crazy is kinda par for the course. But even so, this tax plan is fucking nutsville. More: HuffPost

Note 15: We love the Biden-Harris social media team.

Note 16: How can you not love Sean Penn? More: HuffPost

Note 17: You’re going to want to read the Biden campaign’s birthday wishes to Trump. More: The Hill

Note 18: We just need to say this — Mark Hamill is the freaking best. It’s so awesome that Luke Skywalker has stayed cool.

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, well, REM reunited. More: NBC

Note 20: And on that amazing note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all have an awesome weekend, and we sure hope Trump has a shitty birthday. Mostly because he sucks. Love y’all!

Says it all

Yesterday Donald Trump endorsed Larry Hogan. And you could hear Hogan shitting himself from miles away. The former Republican governor of Maryland is doing everything he can to distance himself from orange asshead, and then orange asshead went and endorsed him. LOL. How bad was it? Well, Hogan sent his campaign manager to Fox to say no thank you.

More: HuffPost

Embarrassing

Yesterday Capitol Hill Republicans kissed some serious ass. As Trump returned to Capitol Hill for the first time since he launched a violent attack on the joint, the GOP House and Senate caucuses were falling all over themselves to kiss his sorry ass. Even Mitch McConnell, who said Trump was “practically and morally responsible” for the attack on the Capitol was there shaking Trump’s hand, singing happy birthday and kissing taint. It’s some seriously pathetic shit. Even for the most pathetic people on Earth.

More: CNN

WHAT THE FUCK?!

The bad news is SCOTUS is forcing Americans to have babies. The worse news is SCOTUS just raised the odds those babies will be killed in a mass shooting. Yeah, today those sick corrupt soulless fucks on the court said that Trump’s ban against bump stocks for guns, which he enacted after a luantic murdered 60 people and wounded more than 800 others in Las Vegas, was unconstitutional. So yeah, this Supreme Court is somehow pro-life and pro-mass murder. We honestly don’t have the words to describe how fucked up this is.

More: NBC

Today’s clips

Heavy rainfall that’s caused unrelenting flooding in South Florida since Tuesday will continue for a fourth consecutive day after turning roads into canals and forcing some residents to stand on the roofs of their cars or trudge through waist-deep waters. More: CNN