6.13.24 They’re coming

It’s Thursday. There are 145 days until the general election. Big yawns as Republicans go after Merrick, Republicans are coming for IVF and holy crap SCOTUS did something not horrible.

Be advised: This newsletter cusses like some orange piece of shit just returned to the scene of the crime.

Note: Ya know, Sexy Patriots, there are days when we don’t need a big long cussing diatribe or fake interview to drive a point home. Some days we just have to point to someone and say DON’T DO ANYTHING THIS GUY DOES OR IT WILL PROBABLY FUCK UP YOUR LIFE. So here’s that for today…

Yikes. Well, thanks Bob, but we’re gonna go ahead and drink rat milk we found under the kitchen sink in an abandoned house like our parents taught us. Can you imagine taking health and nutrition advice from this lunatic? Like sure he’s anti-vaxx and a worm ate his brain, but he also thinks he can be president! LOL! No thanks, Bob! Y’all have a blessed day. And seriously don’t do anything that guy says.

Note two: The Supreme Court once again didn’t rule on Trump’s bullshit immunity claim. Nice of them to help him run out of the clock some more.

Note three: Oh man. Jiggly Doodielicker (JD) Vance might be in trouble with his orange god. More: HuffPost

Note four: Senate Democrats are going to investigate Jared Kushner, really testing the old adage that later is better than never. More: HuffPost

Note five: Team Biden dropped a new ad to welcome Trump back to Capitol Hill…

Note six: House Republicans sang happy birthday to Trump this morning. Yes, it made us want to puke too. So fucking gross to see that sonofabitch return to the scene of the crime.

Note seven: We have really failed y’all in that we have not talked more about how awesome and courageous Alito neighbor Emily Baden is. Sorry about that. More: CNN

Note eight: Lindsey Graham blocked an effort by Democrats to pass Supreme Court ethics legislation. Lindsey Graham sucks. More: MSNBC

Note nine: Well this is fucking terrifying. This right-wing asshead wanted to shoot up a Bad Bunny concert to start a race war. Bet we can guess who he supports for president. More: Fox 5 Atlanta

Note 10: Just a reminder that this is the Republican Party we’re up against…

Note 11: The Oklahoma Supreme Court made it official that they don’t give a shit about the mass murder of Black people in the Tulsa massacre. What a disgrace. More: AP

Note 12: Gosh it sure is surprising that Elon Musk is a creepy asshole. Oh wait. That’s not surprising at all. More: HuffPost

Note 13: While Trump is getting his ass kissed by Capitol Hill Republicans today, President Biden is at the G7 doing good shit for the world. More: NBC

Note 14: The videos out of Florida are stunning. Y’all be safe down there. And stop electing dumbfuck climate change deniers. More: NBC

Note 15: Someone seems scared…

Note 16: Per our friend Katie Phang, the Supreme Court still has 26 opinions to issue in the coming days.

Note 17: Wow. At the meeting with Republicans this morning, Trump said Milwaukee is “a horrible city.” LOL. That’s where the Republican convention is.

Note 18: Is it just us or are the NBA playoffs boring as hell? We ended up watching Team USA soccer tie Brazil last night, and it was thrilling.

Note 19: Y’all, we really looked hard for a Happy Ending note today, and we came up with jack shit. So instead we’ll just say that we’re very happy you joined us today, and you’re looking sexier and more patriotic than ever. Love y’all!

Who cares?

House Republicans voted to hold AG Merrick Garland in contempt yesterday, and nobody gave a shit. Yeah, the GOP, including three members who defied congressional subpoenas, voted to hold Garland in contempt of Congress for defying a congressional subpoena. They’re mad because Garland won’t give them the tapes of Biden’s interview with Robert Hur that they can use for campaign ads. Fuck them. And honestly fuck Merrick too. We don’t love that guy.

More: AP

They’re coming

Yesterday, Republicans made clear that IVF is not safe. Senate Republicans voted against a measure that would protect the procedure, choosing to put out a statement instead. And if you believe their statement, then we’ve got a bridge to sell you. But even more concerning, the Southern Baptist Convention voted earlier yesterday to oppose IVF. The SBC is basically where Republican policy starts, so we should all be taking this shit seriously.

More: NBC

Wut

The Supreme Court did the right thing today. Yeah, it scares the shit out of us too. In a unanimous decision with an opinion written by Brett fucking Kavanaugh, the court ruled that the plaintiffs did not have standing to sue the FDA over abortion medication, protecting access to the drug where it is legal. While this is obviously great news, we’re also pretty sure it means they’re going to rule that Trump can kill whoever he wants and be immune. Anyway, let’s enjoy the win for a little while.

More: LA Mag

Today’s clips

American journalist Evan Gershkovich will stand trial in Russia on charges of spying for the CIA, prosecutors announced Thursday. More: NBC

The Supreme Court sided with Starbucks on Thursday in a decision that could make it harder for labor prosecutors to win court injunctions against employers they believe to have broken the law. More: HuffPost