5.6.24 Terrible Tim

Be advised: This newsletter cusses like it’s a puppy and Kristi Noem has that look in her eye again.

Note: Sexy Patriots! How was your weekend? Better than Kristi Noem’s we’re guessing. Yeah, the puppy-killer has struck again. No, she didn’t kill any more dogs this weekend. We don’t think. But she sure sounded like she wanted to.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS PSYCHO?! Like we get it, nutjob, you get off on killing dogs. But why in the world does she keep bragging about it? And who the hell thought it was a good idea to put her on TV?

While this whole grotesque episode has made our stomachs turn, we do have to say that it has given us a glimmer of hope that even some Republicans have condemned Kristi’s K-9 killing spree. Is it possible that even the party of Donald Trump and smearing shit on the Capitol walls draws the line when it comes to murdering dogs? Well color us pleasantly surprised. Because it’s pretty obvious that Noem thought this horrifying shit would give her a boost in a party of losers, freaks and lunatics. But apparently even they have a sliver of some standards. Who knew? Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: And if you didn’t see that interview, the whole thing was a fucking disaster. Call it Cricket’s revenge. More: LA Mag

Note three: Ugh. It was another weekend of the New York Times kissing its own ass and making excuses for kissing Trump’s. They’re proud of their “but her emails” bullshit and they aren’t going to change. More: Semafor

Note four: Does it make us bad people that we hope Hope Hicks cried all weekend? More: Slate

Note five: Grrrrrrrr…

Note six: LOL. Trump lied about the gag order preventing him from testifying again. Someone seems scared shitless.

Note seven: Big congrats to Mystik Dan on winning the Kentucky Derby. Someone please keep this beautiful horse away from Kristi Noem. More: NBC

Note eight: Did anyone watch the roast of Tom Brady? If you hate Brady, you should probably watch it. Some of those jokes made us want to hide under the bed. And we write this newsletter! More: NBC Sports

Note nine: The Ole Miss student who made racist gestures toward a young Black protester has been kicked out of his fraternity. We sure hope that little shit had a miserable weekend. More: Oxford Eagle

Note 10: Seriously this makes our fucking blood boil…

Note 11: Here’s Trump saying really boring shit about his running mate picks. Apparently the whole murdering puppies thing was not a dealbreaker for him. More: Axios

Note 12: RFK Jr. is the kinda nuts that doesn’t know its nuts. That’s the only way to explain this insanely fucked up new ad. More: HuffPost

Note 13: MAGA Mike Johnson is meeting privately with Marjorie Taylor Greene today. That must suck for both of them. More: Politico

Note 14: If you’ve been freaking out about polls — and we totally haven’t at all — then take a look at these two most recent ones and then take a deep breath. More: MeidasTouch

Note 15: LOL. Even Fox News gets one right every once in a while…

Note 16: All we want to talk about is Trump in contempt, but we’ve gotta wait to the fucking news section.

Note 17: Trump said this weekend that Biden is like the Gestapo. If that were true, Biden would get an invite to dinner at Mar-a-Lago. More: HuffPost

Note 18: In an interview with a Michigan station, Trump said abortion is “not that big of an issue.” Who’s ready to show him? More: Michigan Advance

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we wanted to tell you that VP Kamala Harris is teaming up with Sheryl Lee Ralph in Pennsylvania this week to talk about abortion rights. Y’all know how much we love Abbott Elementary and basic human rights for women, so we are over the moon about this. More: People

Note 20: And on that exciting note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all had a lovely weekend. Or at least better than Kristi Noem’s. Seriously what the fuck is wrong with these people? Love y’all!

Whoa

According to Axios, President Biden has put a pause on shipping ammunition to Israel. The move comes as Netanayahu appears close to going into Rafah, something the Biden administration has implored him not to do. Public opinion is really turning against Israel, and we just don’t understand what Bibi is doing other than trying to stay in power. At some point, this move from Biden was inevitable.

More: Axios

Terrible Tim

So Republicans are just done accepting election results unless they win. Yesterday Sen. Tim Scott went on Meet the Press and continued his audition to be Trump’s running mate by refusing six times to say whether he would accept the election results in November. So yeah, get ready for this year’s coup attempt.

Lock his orange ass up!

It’s so delicious, y’all. Once again this morning, Donald Trump was held in contempt. Judge Merchan made clear that he doesn’t want to put Trump in jail, but he will if Trump keeps violating his gag order. Merchan said that the $1,000 fines don’t seem to be working — no shit — and so he will consider incarceration going forward. We never thought we’d say this but KEEP TALKING, TRUMP!

More: AP

Today’s clips

Columbia University is canceling its large university-wide commencement ceremony amid ongoing pro-Palestinian protests but will hold smaller school-based ceremonies this week and next, the university announced Monday. More: HuffPost

Speaker Mike Johnson will face a vote this week on Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene’s effort to remove him from the speakership. But he is expected to prevail with the help of House Democrats and most of his GOP conference. More: Politico