5.29.24 Scum Alito

Be advised: This newsletter cusses. It cordially invites you to cuss with it.

Note: How we doin’, Sexy Patriots? A little on edge? A tad unnerved? Totally freaked the fuck out? Yeah, we get it. After all, the national news media has basically just stopped reporting on all the fucked up shit Trump does every day so they can instead devote 23 hours a day to telling us how doomed Joe Biden is. The other hour is for sniffing their own farts. It’s horrible television.

So of course anyone with a heart, a soul, eyes, ears and some basic fucking sense would be a wee bit concerned that so many Americans are just fine letting a treasonous dim-witted gameshow host flush America right down the goddamn shitter. Why the fuck would we be calm about such a thing? Well we wouldn’t. So we’re not. That’s why we’re all working our asses off to elect good people. It’s also why we need a good ol’ fashioned TBS Sexy Patriot Group Cuss Out.

We used to do this shit from time to time during the Trump administration and the 2020 campaign when we were losing our goddamn minds on the regular. TBS has become a community over the years and there’s strength and comfort in community. But this conversation can be pretty one-sided, so every once in a while, we like to set a time and date for us all to look to the sky and say-scream a profanity of our choice. For us, it’s usually “fuckfuckfuckshitfuckgoddamnitfuckfuckfuck.” And let’s be honest. We could all use a little vent right about now. So how about this Friday? Let’s say 2 p.m. Eastern? Let’s lift our voices together and blow off some steam by hollerin’ some dirty words at the sky. We look forward to cussing with y’all. Have a blessed day.

Note two: Also, if we can be serious for a minute, we know the headlines are all doom and gloom and bullshit these days, and we know that can take a toll on your noggin. Keep your heads up, SPs. We love you, and we’re in this fight with you. Whatever you’re feeling, we promise the rest of the Sexy Patriot Universe is too. So hang in there and keep kicking ass.

Note three: And be grateful that you’re smarter than this poor dumb sonofabitch…

Note four: HUGE congratulations to our friend Ben Meiselas on his recent wedding. We wish the happy couple a lifetime of happiness. More: LA Mag

Note five: Giant pandas are returning to the National Zoo. This really should have been the Happy Ending note. Because we fucking love giant pandas. More: AP

Note six: How cool would it be if Trump got convicted today?

Note seven: So more scary shit with vote-counting is happening in Georgia and the judge in the Trump case is letting it happen. More: AJC

Note eight: Robert De Niro broke some Republican brains yesterday. Well, the ones who aren’t already broken by having a Black president and livestock medication.

Note nine: Louisiana has really lost its fucking mind since it elected a Trump dipshit governor. More: Axios

Note 10: Texas politics is a goddamn fascist fucking mess. More: Texas Tribune

Note 11: We’re gonna talk about SCOTUS corruption in the news section. But there’s lots of it to go around so here’s a story about Amy Coney Barrett’s dickhead husband representing Fox. More: Rolling Stone

Note 12: The Cook Political Report has moved the North Carolina governor’s race to toss-up from Lean Dem. That’s pretty fucked up considering the Republican has said endless amounts of horrible shit like that he doesn’t think women should be able to vote. More: The Hill

Note 13: Dennis Quaid is a Trump supporter. So fuck Dennis Quaid. Jaws III fucking sucked anyway. More: HuffPost

Note 14: Can we just say how grateful we are to the Jan. 6 cops who are traveling the country supporting Biden and warning just how goddamn dangerous Trump really is? More: NBC

Note 15: It’s pretty remarkable that we’re having a whole presidential campaign where fucked up shit like this just gets ignored by the mainstream press.

Note 16: A former Marco Rubio intern has been busted for Jan. 6 bullshit. Everyone try to act surprised. More: The Hill

Note 17: Here’s today’s reminder that RFK Jr. is a piece of human garbage…

Note 18: The deranged monster who attacked Paul Pelosi apologized yesterday. He can stuff his sorry in a fucking sack. More: Politico

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we want to enjoy some more Jenna Ellis tears. The crying treasonous dirtbag Trump lawyer is suspended from practicing law in Colorado for three years. If we’ve learned nothing else these last few years, it’s that it is really fucking hard to get disbarred. More: Axios

Note 20: And on that hilarious note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are ready to do some cussin’ on Friday, and really, aren’t we all? Love y’all!

Scum Alito

So this guy and his wife really really suck. According to the New York Times, Alito lied about when he and his wife hoisted an upside-down American flag. They tried to blame it on the neighbors, but the neighbors came with receipts. They also came with a story about how Mrs. Traitor spat at their car. These fucking animals are setting national policy?!

More: NY Times

Yay?

Republicans tried to keep Joe Biden off the ballot in Ohio, but Team Joe has a plan. Basically corrupt Ohio GOPers said the convention happens too late for Biden to be on the ballot. So in exchange for putting him on the ballot, they wanted a bunch of fucked up concessions. Instead, Democrats just found a way to nominate Biden online before the Ohio deadline. So suck it, Ohio Republicans.

More: Politico

Fingers crossed!

Welp, it’s in the hands of the jury. The first ever criminal trial of an ex-president is coming to an end after both sides finished their closing arguments on Tuesday. Trump appears to be handling it well, sending all-caps Truth Social posts attacking the judge throughout the night. If there is a god, we sure hope she hears our prayers to send that dirty orange motherfucker to jail for a long goddamn time.

More: HuffPost

Today’s clips

Rep. Tony Gonzales, the West Texas Republican who earned censures from the Republican Party for backing a bipartisan gun control law and opposing a border security bill, dispatched a right-wing challenger in a runoff election Tuesday. More: HuffPost

As Israeli forces pushed deeper into Rafah just days after an airstrike sparked a major fire that killed dozens of Palestinians, the White House said that its ally had not crossed the Biden administration’s “red line.” More: NBC