5.21.24 Nazi Don

Be advised: This newsletter cusses like it invested in Truth Social.

Note: Sexy Patriots! How the eff are ya? Well that’s good. We’re doing ok too. Mostly because we don’t have to be in a courtroom with a snoozing whiny fart machine. But we did want to take a second today to say a big thank you to the New Yorkers who have shown up outside of Trump’s trial the past few days to deliver some holy hell to the ass-kissing fuckheads who keep traveling to NYC on Trump’s behalf…

Wow!!! Did you hear the one dude say, “You’re shilling for a rapist!” Well done! And did you see how angry the Trumpers were?! LOL! We couldn’t be there in person, but we did shout “FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING FUCKS!” at the television very loudly. So thank you, New York. We don’t understand a lot of the mayors you pick and your tall buildings frighten us, but we sure love the Ghostbusters, the park, the Met and your righteous heckling. So please keep giving these twisted shiteaters exactly what they deserve. And if you really want us to love you, then put that goddamn gameshow host behind bars. Your country will owe you. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: Now that Trump’s kiss-ass chorus has started dressing like him, how long until they all go orange? Like it’s only a matter of time before some of them swap out their hoods for parking cones, right? Fucking weirdos.

Note three: Trump isn’t testifying at his criminal trial despite repeatedly saying he would. Everyone pretend to act shocked. More: Forbes

Note four: The chairman of the FDIC is stepping down after someone is confirmed to replace him. Based on some of the reports coming out of that joint, this is probably the right move. More: HuffPost

Note five: We’re gonna talk about this fucked up shit in the news section, but we want to make sure you see this…

Note six: It’s fucking infuriating how obvious it is that Trump a-holes are propping up RFK Jr.’s campaign. More: Politico

Note seven: Joe Manchin is leaving the door open to running for governor or West Virginia. Sucks for West Virginia. More: Politico

Note eight: We didn’t think we could love Simone Biles anymore than we already did. We were wrong. More: HuffPost

Note nine: Hey we almost forgot to tell y’all that that Bozell bozo is going to prison. We hope he hates it there. More: NBC

Note 10: Shit got wild in the courtroom yesterday…

Note 11: Monkeys are dropping dead because of heat. We should probably get serious about climate change while we still can. More: NBC

Note 12: Israeli officials seized an AP camera and shut down a live feed of Gaza. This is not ok. More: HuffPost

Note 13: A second-term Trump trade war will cost middle-class families a shitload of money. So between that and the Nazi shit, we should probably elect Biden. More: CNN

Note 14: A few quick updates — Iran’s president and Henry Kissinger are still very much dead, and Peter Navarro is still in the clink.

Note 15: Here’s the kind of outreach we love to see… More: AJC

Note 16: Courteney Cox said she still feels like she gets visits from Matthew Perry. We love this. Friends 4 ever. More: HuffPost

Note 17: Goddamnit. Even Lindsey Graham, the most gutless kiss-ass in the universe, dinged Alito over the upside down flag shit. More: HuffPost

Note 18: We’re just gonna say it — we love Graceland and we hope they get this figured out. More: NBC

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we’re going to note that it’s an Election Day in some states and we’re going to celebrate living in a democracy while we still can. So if there’s a primary where you live, go vote. Who knows how much longer that’ll be an option?

Note 20: And on that bummer note, let’s go do some news! We sure do appreciate y’all joining us today, and we look forward to seeing you tomorrow. Love y’all!

Looking good!

Did you invest in Truth Social? Smart. Yeah, we’re making assumptions because you read this newsletter and Republicans who get lost while looking for clown porn only occasionally wander in here. So yeah, Trump’s social media company lost about $330 million in the first quarter and only took in a little more than $750,000. You don’t have to be a genius business to know that sucks. You also don’t have to be a business genius to not invest in something with Trump's name on it. You do however have to be a business genius to figure out how that piece of shit company is still considered to be worth so much money. Anyway, congrats to Trump on sucking at something else.

More: NBC

Damnit Dick

Y’all know we rock with Team Blue. Hopefully our cred is beyond question at this point. If anything can be beyond question these days. But today we want to take a moment to shit all over Dick Durbin and Senate Democrats. We find out Alito hung an American flag upside down in the days after Jan. 6 and there are no hearings. All Durbin, chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee, has done is call for Alito to recuse himself. And we all fucking know that ain’t gonna happen. So someone help us understand. Why aren’t we being tougher on a totally broken and corrupt Supreme Court that took away basic human rights from millions of women?

More: NBC

Nazi Don

So Trump is back on his Nazi bullshit. Yesterday on Truth Social, Trump posted a video of fictional newspapers from after he’s back in office. One of them included a subheadline with the words “unified Reich.” Yes, that is fucking terrifying. And the press will care for like five minutes. Trump refused to answer questions about it this morning, and his press aide is blaming a staffer for posting it. And anyone who believes that shit is probably a Nazi.

More: CNN

Today’s clips

Oregon Democrats are set to cast ballots in congressional primaries on Tuesday, where two competitive House races could affect both the party’s chances of taking back the House and the relative strength of progressives and moderates inside the House Democratic Caucus. More: HuffPost

Fulton County District Attorney Fani Willis went after House Judiciary Committee Chair Jim Jordan (R-Ohio) on Monday, as the lawmaker continues to investigate her over misconduct allegations as she prosecutes former President Trump’s election interference case in Georgia. More: The Hill