4.4.24 Git him

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. It helps us call out bullshit.

Note: Hey Sexy Patriots! Watching anything good lately? Everyone is telling us we should be watching Tokyo Vice. We’re really digging Manhunt. And of course reruns of Community are good. But honestly we’d watch an assless pig trying to take a shit before we’d tune into this demonic nightmare idea that came courtesy of the orange idiot…

LOL. No thanks. Not only would we not watch that shit. We’d probably destroy our televisions and rub vinegar in our eyes just to make sure we didn’t accidentally see any of it. Can you imagine?! It did get us thinking though about some other shows that Ivanka might bring that gross Trump touch to…

Ok so we’ll be honest. We thought we’d be able to come up with funnier examples than we did. It was harder than we thought. So please help us out and send us any ideas you have. Cussing is encouraged. Y’all have a blessed day. Except for Ivanka. She can kiss our asses.

Note two: Sigh. Axios has a story today about Trump’s Spotify list. We’re not even kidding. They even used a photoshopped picture of Trump as a DJ. We will not be linking to such stupid shit.

Note three: Well we got lucky in Nebraska as the statehouse there denied an effort by Trump and the governor to screw us out of some Electoral College votes. What a dumb system. More: NBC

Note four: If you look at the polling since the State of the Union — and you really shouldn’t — it’s pretty clear that Biden is the candidate with momentum right now. The Marquette poll alone shows an 8-point swing. Maybe that’s why Axios is writing about Trump the DJ. More: WisLaw Journal

Note five: Does anyone think he’s gonna follow through on this? Or is this the new infrastructure week/healthcare plan?

Note six: According to The Hill, Biden just had his best grassroots fundraising month. We haven’t seen totals yet, but that seems like a promising development. More: The Hill

Note seven: Trump’s Jan. 6 friends are running for office. We should probably stop them. More: NBC

Note eight: Marjorie Taylor Greene has become MAGA Mike Johnson’s worst nightmare and it would be hilarious if these people weren’t actually in Congress and in charge of policy and shit. More: CNN

Note nine: Two dudes made a deal with prosecutors over a trading scheme involving Truth Social. It’s almost like that shit isn’t on the level. More: CNN

Note 10: This is what’s happening in America while beltway kiss-asses write about Trump’s fucking playlist…

Note 11: It was so funny yesterday when Elon started giving people their blue checks back and they didn’t want them. FWIW, Sam is still happily non–blue checked. Adam has always been fancy. More: LA Mag

Note 12: Biden and Netanyahu are talking today and it’s an understatement to say that things are tense. Killing Chef Andres’s aid workers was a pretty big fuck-up and hopefully Biden is out of patience. More: CNN

Note 13: We hear the people calling for Justice Sotomayor to step down and we understand their concerns. But also, what kind of justice do they think Manchin and Sinema would let us confirm at this point? More: HuffPost

Note 14: Jill Biden is setting up a White House state dinner for teachers. We think that is really fucking cool. More: Politico

Note 15: First Liz Cheney and now Karl Rove. Even the worst people on the planet think Trump sucks.

Note 16: RFK Jr. really is the scum of the earth. And that’s hard to achieve in the age of Trump. More: HuffPost

Note 17: John Eastman has called in Marjorie Taylor Greene and Matt Gaetz to vouch for him. Maybe he wants to be disbarred. More: Washington Examiner

Note 18: Trump spoke with the Saudi prince the other day. We’re sure they were just talking about golf and not lots and lots and lots of corrupt shit. More: NYT

Note 19: Today’s happy note is us wishing the best and congratulations to LSU women’s basketball player Angel Reese. Congrats, Angel. Fuck the haters.

Note 20: And on that lovely note, let’s go do some news! We’re excited to hear your thoughts on Trumpy television shows. It’s also cool if you just want to send us an email cussing out Ivanka. Love y’all!

Totally normal shit

So while Axios is telling us about DJ Orange Nuts, QAnon lunatics are professing their love for Trump and attacking the FBI. Yeah, the other day some deranged idiot drove his car into FBI HQ in Atlanta. And of course he’s a Q-guy who loves Trump. For some reason this is the kind of horrifying shit that really seems to bore our national press to tears. But it scares the hell out of us and we think everyone should know about the army of lunatics who are ready to heed Trump’s calls for violence.

More: NBC

Git him

So Trump has been making a big show of appearing with cops lately, and that’s probably because he’s worried we’ll all remember the cops he got injured and killed with his Jan. 6 attack. In fact, CBS News found that 500 of the Jan. 6 assholes Trump is promising to pardon have been charged with assaulting police officers. Team Biden-Harris has been calling Trump out on this score, but we sure wish we knew why so many cops are happy to throw their brothers and sisters from DC under the bus.

More: CBS

Let’s go!

Holy shit Trump might actually be going on trial for something. Yesterday Judge Merchan rejected Trump’s immunity claims in his hush money trial, which is set to begin on April 15. It sure seems like the legal system, or at least some of it, is sick and tired of Trump’s delays. Now we just need a broken and corrupt Supreme Court to quit being so fucking broken and corrupt and tell us that Trump wasn’t a king when he attacked our Capitol.

More: NBC

Today’s clips

Republican megadonor Jeff Yass recently gave to a super PAC that is trying to topple a progressive incumbent in Pittsburgh. More: Politico

Five Democratic senators doubled down on demands for President Joe Biden to more aggressively address “the medical crisis” in Gaza, by deploying added U.S. support and pushing Israel to halt its assaults on medical workers and facilities, in a letter sent to Biden on Wednesday and shared exclusively with HuffPost. More: HuffPost

The campaign of GOP Rep. Lauren Boebert said the Colorado lawmaker went to the hospital after experiencing "severe swelling in her upper left leg" and underwent emergency surgery to remove a blood clot. More: Politico

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