4.30.24 CONTEMPT

It’s Tuesday. There are 189 days until the general election. Hunter Biden is suing Fox News, orangey is held in contempt and Trump’s REALLY scary abortion plans.

Be advised: This newsletter cusses like Trump wants red states to monitor women’s pregnancies. Because he fucking does.

Note: Sexy Patriots! You seem extra sexy and patriotic today. Someday you’ll have to tell us your secret. Speaking of secrets, it ain’t exactly one that we have been super disgusted and pissed at the ol’ mainstream media lately. We can’t even tell the difference between the New York Times and Trump anymore except one is gray and one is orange and can’t stop farting. And we’re apparently not alone in our disgust…

LOL! Thank you, Speaker Emerita Pelosi! Yes, Katy, we can accuse you of being a Trump apologist. And quite a few of your friends too. Can someone explain to us why these dipshits insist on grading Trump on a fucking curve? Oh it was a global pandemic? So those job losses didn’t count? The people who got laid off go in a special category? The dead didn’t really die? And orange dingus didn’t really play that much golf and tell us to fucking inject sunlight and bleach? Get the fuck outta here with that dumb shit.

Yes, Trump lost more jobs than anyone since Herbert Hoover because of a global pandemic. That he mismanaged. It was real, it was on his watch and he doesn’t get a fucking special dumbass do-over just because bored reporters miss the thrill of being cussed out by a gameshow host. Get your shit together, media. We’re tired of saying it. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: The White House said yesterday that it’s “very sad” that Kristi Noem murdered her puppy. We would add fucked up. It’s really really fucked up. More: Politico

Note three: It’s Sam’s birthday. For the love of Pete would someone tell him that does NOT mean you get to only wear your birthday suit all day? Scared the fuck out of everyone on the bus.

Note four: OAN had to retract one of its stories about Michael Cohen because it was total bullshit. Maybe they should just retract the whole damn company. More: HuffPost

Note five: Spread it far and wide. This is the real RFK Jr…

Note seven: We can’t believe we’re saying this, but um fuck Jerry Seinfeld. Is there anything more boring these days than old dudes whining about how they’re not allowed to be funny? Write some new fucking jokes! It’s not that hard. We do it every damn day and we get at least three laughs every month! More: Variety

Note eight: We put this story in the “Today’s Clips” section yesterday but we want to make sure you see it. Republicans are for cancer. Or at least against fighting cancer. And really isn’t that the same thing? More: Politico

Note nine: George Santos is bringing back Kitara. It’s literally the only thing he’s ever done that we respected. More: NBC

Note 10: Doodie Pooliani wants to break more laws. Maybe we should build some kind of facility with bars and walls to keep him away from polite society. We could call it a jail. And seriously why the fuck isn’t this scumbag locked up yet?

Note 11: If you ain’t noticed — and decent people like you probably haven’t — Trump is getting a lot more QAnon-y these days. So yes, he can get worse. More: LA Mag

Note 12: Just a reminder that Florida’s six-week abortion ban goes into effect tomorrow. It’s so wrong and so fucked up we want to cry and cuss and then vote some scumbag assholes out of office. More: Yahoo

Note 13: The Time Magazine interview with Trump is fucking terrifying. He again says he’s fine with political violence if he loses. “It always depends on the fairness of the election.” THIS IS INSANE!!! More: Time

Note 14: The Kentucky Derby is this weekend. We bet a horse wins.

Note 15: If you’re a fan of the Smartless podcast or democracy, you’re gonna want to hear this interview with Biden, Obama and Bill Clinton.

Note 16: RFK’s fan loves that Trump keeps attacking the lunatic. Are we really lucky enough that these two assholes will destroy each other? Probably not. But it’s fun to watch. More: Politico

Note 17: At some point we really need to discuss what horrible horrible people work for border patrol. This is insanely fucked up. More: HuffPost

Note 18: Here’s the latest on the campus protests. Be safe out there, kids. More: CNN

Note 19: Today’s Happy Ending is there isn’t one. We’re gonna knock off early so Sam can go surfing. We love y’all and hope you have a great day.

Too funny

Yesterday news broke that Hunter Biden is getting ready to sue Fox News. The network has basically talked about nothing other than Hunter for the past few years and they’ve lied plenty, so they should probably be a little worried about this. We saw some folks wondering if this was a good idea because it will keep Hunter in the news, but we’re pretty sure Republicans will do that anyway so good on Hunter for fighting back. Fuck Fox.

More: NBC


Holy shit! Judge Merchan is just like us in that he holds Donald Trump in contempt. Ok so it’s not quite the same, but this morning Merchan announced that he is holding Trump in contempt of court for violating the gag order. And he said if Trump does it again he will be could be sent to jail. We never thought we’d say this but please keep talking, Donnie.

More: NBC

So fucking scary

The big news today will be the contempt finding, but it should be Trump’s interview with Time. It is fucking terrifying. Trump says lots of scary shit, but the thing that really caught our attention was him saying he’d be fine with red state governments monitoring women’s pregnancies and prosecuting women who violate state abortion bans. We encourage you to read the whole frightening thing and share it widely.

More: Time

Today’s clips

It's notable that the judge decided to allow Trump to attend Barron's graduation on May 17, since Trump and his campaign had earlier been claiming that the judge had barred him from doing so. More: NBC

A proposed ban on gender-affirming care for transgender minors in Kansas died Monday when two Republicans switched their votes and prevented the Republican-controlled Legislature from overriding the Democratic governor’s veto of the measure. More: AP