4.27.23 A word about E. Jean Carroll

Be advised: This newsletter cusses like a sailor. A sailor whose healthcare funding would be cut by House Republicans by 22 percent. Motherfuckers.

Note: Hey, Sexy Patriots! How the eff are you today? Well that’s good. Us? Well we’re pretty fucking disgusted that Republicans passed some extremist bullshit after a middle of the night deal and now either millions of Americans get hurt or the economy goes off a cliff. And we’re even more disgusted to see a soulless out-of-touch press corps cheer McCarthy as some kind of fucking winner. Especially considering this fucked up bullshit…

Santos?! Santos?! Motherfucking no good goddamned Santos?! Oh you must be joking. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! So these dirty dumbfucks just voted for the George Santos Act to Fuck Over Veterans?!

Oh that’s not what it’s called? Well that’s sure as shit what it’ll be called in ads. Walking the plank for Trump is stupid. Walking the plank for McCarthy is pathetic. Walking the plank for George Santos is stupid, pathetic and pure fucking self-loathing. It’s ok, Republican congresspeople, we hate you as much as you hate you. And that’s why we’re gonna vote your sorry Santos-loving asses out of Congress.

Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: Jerry Springer died. We have no idea what to say about that except we liked it better when his show was on tv and not our whole damn country. More: WKRN

Note three: We’re sorry if you were hoping that Senate Democrats spent yesterday working for you. Instead the Senate Majority Leader was taking time to meet with an anti-trans Jan. 6 truther who worked with House Republicans to attack the president’s family. With friends like Schumer, who needs enemies? More: NBC

Note four: Tucker Carlson is still fired.

Note five: Tim Scott says we’re the enemy. Fuck Tim Scott. Enjoy polling at 1 percent, buttlick.

Note six: Thank you to Ron Klain for stepping up to talk about how great a Vice President Kamala Harris has been. It’s really a fucking shame there aren’t more Democrats in DC doing the same. More: NY Mag

Note seven: Gen Z Rep. Maxwell Frost joined the Tennessee Three outside the Capitol yesterday to call for an end to gun violence. The future is in good hands. If we get there. More: The Hill

Note eight: We’re just throwing this out there, but one of the reasons McCarthy was able to pass his bullshit bill yesterday was because two House Democrats weren’t there to vote. If anyone has heard an explanation from Democratic leader Hakeem Jeffries, we’d sure as shit like to hear it too. NO LINK

Note nine: Yesterday Joe Manchin teamed up with Senate Republicans to pass a bill that’s really bad for the environment. Why didn’t the Democratic Senate that we all worked so hard to attain stop them? Because DiFi is gone and Schumer is a mess. Look, we don’t like beating up on our own team, but we and millions just like us worked our fucking asses off to win the Senate. And what do we have to show for it? More: The Hill

Note 10: Yesterday Marjorie Taylor Greene said adopted moms aren’t real moms and it would sure be fucking great if someone would ask McCarthy about his decision to put this human garbage back on committees.

Note 11: An appeals court rejected Trump’s try to stop Mike Pence from testifying to the Jan. 6 grand jury. Unless Trump goes to SCOTUS with this, Mikey has to testify. More: PBS

Note 12: Apparently DeSantis is going to announce for president in a couple weeks. LOL. Good luck, Puddin’. More: NBC

Note 13: The Supreme Court is an ethical disaster. It’s really a fucking shame the liberal members signed onto this silly shit. More: AP

Note 14: Julie Su, Biden’s nominee to be Labor Secretary, passed out of committee 11-10. Republicans and probably Manchin are going to try to fuck this up, and when they do we are going to be livid. More: CNN

Note 15: We were saving this one. Did y’all see the South Korean president rock American Pie at the White House last night?

Note 16: DOJ is suing Tennessee over its anti-trans law. We’re always so grateful and so surprised when Merrick Garland does something good. More: CNN

Note 17: Senate Republicans stopped a bipartisan bill that would study marijuana use for treating veterans’ pain. Like we said, those motherfuckers really hate veterans. More: CNN

Note 18: This is just heartbreaking. NBA legend Dwyane Wade said he moved his family out of Florida because of their cruel policies toward the LGBTQ community. Good job, Sunshine State. More: People

Note 19: If you watch one thing today, watch this brave woman call out Ted Cruz and John Cornyn after she almost died because of their fucked up backwards abortion bullshit. More: HuffPost

Note 20: Happy early birthday to the one and only Willie Nelson, who turns 90 years young this weekend with a big two-day concert at the Hollywood Bowl. And also happy early birthday to Sam who is also turning 90 this weekend.

Note 21: And on that self-indulgent note, let’s go do some news. We will be off tomorrow and Monday because we got some shit going on. We always feel guilty taking days off, so we hope you’ll forgive us. Have a great day and we’ll see you Tuesday. Love y’all!!!!

Git him, Mouse

Disney announced yesterday it is suing the state of Florida for political retaliation, and it sure seems like they’ve got a good case. No seriously. Like every single Florida Republican couldn’t stop bragging about how they were fucking with the mouse because of political retribution. And so the mouse took those idiotic threats and put them in a lawsuit. Oh and the case drew an Obama judge. LOL. Florida, you’re a fucking mess.

More: AP

Montana monsters

There are some cruel, sick fuckers in Montana. What they did to trans lawmaker Zooey Zephyr yesterday is goddamn appalling and goddamn anti-American. The miserable scum voted to ban her from the statehouse floor! TBS continues to stand with Zooey.

More: CNN

Courage

We are in awe of E. Jean Carroll. We have absolutely no idea where someone finds the courage and strength to stand up to a monster the way she is. We wish we had something profound to say here, but we’ll just go with E. Jean is a freaking American hero and we hope she gets the peace she sure fucking deserves when this is all over. Oh and it sure looks like Trump’s scummy ass is going to lose. More: MSNBC

Today’s clips

Fox News executives and board members were stunned after the company’s lawyers shared details of private messages from Tucker Carlson that featured deeply offensive, crude remarks, The New York Times reported Wednesday. More: HuffPost

West Virginia Gov. Jim Justice (R) is expected to announce his campaign for Senate on Thursday, officially joining the race to oust incumbent Joe Manchin, a conservative Democrat. More: HuffPost

Support Today’s Big Stuff

If you have a friend, family member, or neighbor that would like to sign up for this free daily newsletter they can go to TodaysBigStuff.com.

Unlike a lot of soulless Washington newsletters, you won’t see us making out with defense contractors or oil companies for a little extra ad money. It’s gross as hell, and they won’t return our calls. Our goal is to keep Today’s Big Stuff free and available for anyone who needs a laugh during these trying times. But we need your help to do it.

Your donations help us cover the costs of distributing this newsletter and allow us to keep it pure, honest and foul-mouthed as a motherfucker.

So much of the media these days are pulling their punches and afraid to tell the truth because they don’t want to piss off their advertisers. Not us! Advertisers don’t want anything to do with us, and if they did, we would piss them off in like two seconds.

So please chip in what you can and let’s keep Today’s Big Stuff for the people! Make a contribution here.