4.26.24 Wasted weekend

Be advised: This newsletter cusses like Trump said Charlottesville was “a little peanut.” What a fucking asshole.

Note: You made it to the weekend, Sexy Patriots! Congrats! But before you go party your hot ass off, we wanted to take a moment to say thank you.

Shit is crazy and crazy fucked up these days, and we are so dang grateful to you for standing beside us to process it, cuss at it and then fight back against it. Y’all are the fucking best, and we are so goddamn lucky that your hot asses chose this newsletter for your political news and cussing needs.

As our way of saying thank you, please enjoy this clip of Trump’s fucked up hair trying to make a run for it…

LOL. Even dude’s wig doesn’t want to be near him. Probably because of all the farting. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: If y’all want to hear something truly unhinged then you’re gonna want to listen to Sam’s wild intro in this week’s podcast. This Week’s Big Stuff is a short weekly round up of the week’s big news and stuff. And by subscribing, you’re helping us keep this fucked up newsletter rocking and rolling. More: Patreon

Note three: Texan Crystal Mason’s conviction was overturned. But the DA won’t stop harassing her. Wonder why. More: Texas Tribune

Note four: Lisa Page’s stalker showed up at her house. The FBI knew he was stalking her and did nothing. As Marcy Wheeler pointed out, this sure stinks when Page is suing DOJ. More: NY Times

Note five: This is so insanely fucked up!!!

Note six: His name is Pecker. LOL.

Note seven: USC canceled its main graduation ceremony. This is the same class of kids who had their graduations canceled because of COVID. More: LA Mag

Note eight: It’s Melania’s birthday. We got her a cake. But we put poop in it. Hey at least we didn’t cheat on her while she was pregnant and then pay off the woman we cheated with so voters wouldn’t find out during the 2016 election.

Note nine: This is the stuff you love to see. Team Biden has put out an ad trying to win over the Nikki Haley voters who voted against Trump on Tuesday night. More: CNN

Note 10: Remember when this dirty sonofabitch was complaining that the trial was keeping him from campaigning?

Note 11: Trump lost to E. Jean Carroll yesterday. Again. More: CNN

Note 12: Kim Kardashian went to the White House and met with VP Kamala Harris yesterday. Must’ve sucked for the VP. More: LA Mag

Note 13: Trump said Charlottesville “was a little peanut” compared to protests in New York. Just a reminder that they chanted “Jews will not replace us” in Charlottesville. More: LA Mag

Note 14: It’s heartbreaking seeing Chef Jose Andres mourning the World Central Kitchen aid workers who were killed in Gaza. More: Politico

Note 15: Great news out of Baltimore. Boats are moving again.

Note 16: Republican Senate candidate Steve Garvey said student protestors are “terrorists.” Wonder how he feels about the assholes who attacked the Capitol. More: Politico

Note 17: Jamie Raskin has some thoughts on our fucked up Supreme Court. Thank goodness for Jamie Raskin. More: HuffPost

Note 18: And thank goodness for Justices Sotomayor and KBJ. We are still distraught over that shit. More: HuffPost

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we gleefully share the news that Ben Collins and his friends have bought The Onion. If you don’t know Ben, he has been perhaps the best and most honest reporter on misinformation and the bullshit age out there working. And we assume you’re familiar with The Onion. With bad media news everywhere, this is one to celebrate. Congrats, Ben! More: NY Times

Note 20: And on that super-duper fantastic note, let’s go do some news! And then go have yourselves a great weekend, you gorgeous freedom fighters. Love y’all!

Yikes

So we realize the point of this newsletter is to present horrible news in a funny and angry way that helps it go down a little easier. But y’all we are fucking shaken by what went down at SCOTUS yesterday. Trump’s lawyer said the president can assassinate a political rival or attempt a military coup and still be immune from prosecution. And not only was he not laughed out of the goddamn building, the usual suspects seemed to be on board with the whole crazy fucking day! So yeah, we expect the worse from this batshit crazy court and they still always manage to find a way to go even lower. And the worst part is no matter what they eventually decide, they seem like they’re going to give Trump the delay he wants so we won’t get a trial on Jan. 6 before the election. Fucking bullshit. Vote, y’all.

More: HuffPost

Boohoo

So yesterday Politico reported that the New York Times is writing shitty stories about Joe Biden because Biden won’t do an interview with the paper. To show how not biased they are, the paper put out a statement attacking Biden for not doing more interviews before weakly denying the allegation after two paragraphs. Wow. Way to show us all how fair and even you are, geniuses. That paper is seriously broken, and it sucks because we really need them right now.

More: Politico

Wasted weekend

This weekend is the White House Correspondents Dinner. It’s a really gross tradition that shows how much of a club D.C. is and it probably should’ve stopped a while back. Colin Jost is hosting, which we guess is cool. But our hope is Dark Brandon is gonna take the press to school for sucking at their jobs. And yes we’re looking at Axios who put out a bullshit hit job on Biden this morning that we ain’t linking to.

More: The Hill

Today’s clips

Inflation showed little signs of letting up in March, with a key barometer the Federal Reserve watches closely showing that price pressures remain elevated. More: NBC

Morehouse College’s leadership is set to hold a call on Thursday — where faculty will get the chance to speak — to address concerns over having President Joe Biden as the school’s commencement speaker next month. More: NBC