4.20.23 Florida gets crappier

Be advised: This newsletter usually uses a lot of profanity, but for some reason today it’s feeling pretty damn mellow.

Note: Hey there, Sexy Patriots! Everyone groovy today? Should we just stop with the hacky 4/20 jokes right away and get on with the cussing out politicians? Well weed like to think we can do both:)

We can only assume it was the endless search for the perfect 4/20 pun that led the gullible morons at the Washington Post to write a story about Ron DeSantis’s “high-flying start.”

Um what?

Maybe we smoked too much ganja but when the fuck was DeShitsNotHappening ever “high-flying?” When? When he was flying high above New Hampshire while his state was underwater? Flying high when he turned Florida into a pink stucco Trumpian nightmare? Flying high in those killer white Dukakis helmet boots?

Ron is a weird hateful buttbrain who even other weird hateful buttbrains can’t stand being around. And while most pathetic republican losers simply Jeb away into the darkness, DeSuckAss still has to go and get fucked by the cartoon mouse he shouldn’t have messed with. DeShatHimself, you’re the fucking worst and watching you eat poop has given us so much joy it almost made us forget that means Trump is gonna be the nominee again. But we always knew that, didn’t we?

So let us all point and laugh at the loser nazi and then get back to work making sure the other loser nazi doesn’t get back in the White House. NO LINK FOR YOU, WAPO

Note two: This morning Elon launched the biggest rocketship ever. And it exploded four minutes later. Then we were all told that was totally cool and it was actually about the launch and we’re not geniuses but we’re pretty fucking sure it wasn’t supposed to blow up. More: CNBC

Note three: Isn’t that just modern Republicans in a nutshell? Tucker Carlson is a picture of masculinity, Donald Trump is honest and rockets are supposed to explode four minutes after they launch. Fucking idiots.

Note four: Ladies and gentleman, this 4/20 is off to a hilarious start. After dingus’s rocketship blew up, we learned Mike Lindell has been ordered to pay $5 million to the guy who debunked his bullshit in the “Prove Mike Wrong” challenge. We can barely breathe we’re laughing so hard at this. More: CNN

Note five: So Senate Judiciary is finally talking about a hearing about Clarence Thomas and we can’t even fucking subpoena him because of the DiFi sitch. So this sucks. We’re damn eager to hear what the Durbin/Schumer plan is. Or are they only gonna email the next time they want money? More: NBC

Note six: This is gonna harsh everyone’s buzz, but we can’t forget for one second the inhuman scum we’re up against or the shit they’re trying to do to Americans…

Note seven: Wanna not be shocked at all? The piece of shit who shot Ralph Yarl sits on his ass watching Fox News and OAN all day. That Rupert death toll just keeps growing every goddamn day. More: Kansas City

Note eight: Manchin is joining forces with Kevin McCarthy to attack Biden over the debt ceiling. We wish we had invented a keyboard shortcut for “Fuck Joe Manchin.” NO LINK

Note nine: So yesterday a Trump judge in New York tried to protect her benefactor by ruling against Alvin Bragg and for Gym Jordan. She made clear from the beginning of the hearing she’s a Fox News watcher. Fortunately, an appeals court issued a stay overnight. More: CBS

Note 10: Speaking of stays, Sam “I like to eat rat anus” Alito extended the stay over the abortion pill until Friday. This is like the dog who caught the car if the dog was a racist fuckhead. More: Reuters

Note 11: We have seen some great burns in our day, but this one deserves a place in the Hall of Fame. Also, if you don’t follow Ben’s work, he’s one of the best/only reporters really covering misinformation the right way.

Note 12: In addition to being Weed Day, it’s also Hitler’s Birthday. If you see someone celebrating, get the fuck away.

Note 13: Republicans are going to take up an anti-trans bill this week. Just maintaining that laser focus on fighting inflation like they said they would. Democrats, even assholes like Henry Cuellar, will vote against and it will die in the Senate. More: NBC

Note 14: We talk a lot about shit states like Florida where politicians hate kids and want them to get shot. But we should really talk more places like Washington State and Michigan where they are working their asses off for real change. More: Seattle Times, Freep

Note 15: Can you tell we’re in a good mood today?

Note 16: Want to absolutely lose your shit? It looks like Fox can deduct the amount of its Dominion settlement from its taxes. FUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKKKK!!!!!!! More: Lever News

Note 17: Rep. Nancy Mace, the Republican nutjob that Meet the Press keeps calling a moderate, is now accusing Joe Biden of running prostitution rings or some shit. What a totally normal lunatic. More: Mediaite

Note 18: You know No Labels, the assholes who want to run a spoiler campaign to re-elect Trump? Well they got some of that sweet sweet Harlan Crow money too. It’s almost like they’re super fucking corrupt. More: New Republic

Note 19: This might be the most important note we share today. Fresh out of treatment for depression, Sen. John Fetterman is ready to spread awareness and save some lives. We are so fucking grateful to him and Gisele for sharing this with the world. More: People

Note 20: And on that inspiring note, let’s do the news and then do whatever you do on 4/20. We hope you have an awesome day. And if you’re not Ron DeSantis, it’s possible. Love y’all!

Note 21: BONUS — Here’s Bob Marley singing about the reefer…

Sunshine Shithole

So just like everyone warned they would, Florida Republicans have expanded their hateful bigoted “Don’t Say Gay” law to 12th grade. So zero discussion of sexual orientation until they’ve graduated high school. Oh and they want to make it possible for the government to take trans kids from their families. DeSantis is a fucking loser, and he seems determined to take Florida with him.

More: AP

Dark Brandon rises

When Joe Manchin isn’t sticking a knife in his back, Joe Biden is fighting the good fight on the debt ceiling. Yesterday Biden gave a speech in which he blasted McCarthy’s bullshit spending cuts and boner for rich people tax cuts. Biden even called the demands “wacko” which we think is a good word and should be used more. Republicans are a mess, but they have the Beltway Media propping them up so prepare for default.

More: CNBC

RFKiss our asses

So Bobby Kennedy Jr. announced his presidential campaign yesterday with wife Cheryl Hines and Dennis Kucinich. Then he went on Tucker Carlson’s show and lied about Ukraine and Russia. So he’s not just an anti-vaxxer. He’s the total right-wing QAnon scum total package. These reboots just keep getting worse.

More: HuffPost

Today’s clips

An unnamed IRS supervisory agent claims to have details to share with Congress regarding the probe into President Joe Biden’s son Hunter Biden and is requesting whistleblower protections, according to The Wall Street Journal, which first reported on a letter from the IRS agent’s attorney to members of Congress. More: HuffPost

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