4.19.23 Ron DeSantis isn’t very good at this

Be advised: This newsletter cusses like Fox lies — nonstop and with apparent fucking impunity.

Note: Howdy, Sexy Patriots! Happy Hump Day! (Props to everyone who giggled at that.) We’re having a bit of a weird morning and we’d like to tell you about it.

We originally had a rather lengthy and admittedly irrational rant in this space cussing Fox and Dominion for failing to provide the goddamn satisfaction/vengeance we are so clearly fucking owed. It was a good one. It included the phrase “fuck them to the depths of hell with a broken shoehorn.”

But after we got done cuss-writing so hard we were sweating and breathing hard and had spittle on the sides of our mouths, we calmed down and saw this and deleted what we had…

Y’all, the kids are speaking up. And they’re showing us they are good and they are so worth fighting for. They are asking us for help. So we figured we could cuss Fox and Dominion and even the miserable racist pig-fucking piece of shit who shot Ralph Yarl — which we did and will continue to do so. Or we figured we could marvel at this new generation that has joined us in the fight for a good and decent country on a habitable planet that isn’t held hostage by gun violence.

So we decided to do the second thing and then just cuss out Fox verbally while sitting in the car for half-an-hour every day like we normally do. Fucking scumbags. Y’all have a blessed day!

Note two: But seriously how the hell did they not even get an on-air apology? We’re all looking at you now, Smartmatic. Don’t let us down, faceless corporation. More: HuffPost

Note three: Speaking of perpetual hope, there are some new doings in the Fulton County case with Fani Willis still very much in the game. More: 11 Alive

Note four: Want to hear something hilarious? Yesterday morning Joe Manchin tried to fuck Biden and the Democratic Party again by telling CNN how much he liked what Kevin McCarthy is saying and how unreasonable it is for Biden not to negotiate. And then some House Republicans said any deal has to include a repeal of the Inflation Reduction Act which is basically Manchin’s only accomplishment. We’re almost hoping he does run for president just so he can learn how many people truly hate his fucking guts. (The only link we could find is from Fox. Sorry.)

Note five: This is why we’re so fucking hard on Dick Durbin…

Note six: Congratulations to Rowan Wilson, who was confirmed yesterday as the first Black chief judge in New York. The state could’ve celebrated earlier but Gov. Kathy Hochul wanted to waste two months and all her political capital trying to confirm an anti-choice a-hole. More: AP

Note seven: House Republicans are gonna pass a debt ceiling bill next week. They think. (Psssst… they’re dumber than dog shit and needed a week, 15 votes and a shitload of booze to make Kevin speaker. So yeah, they’re not passing a damn thing next week.) More: NBC

Note eight: How much of an evil dickhead is Elon Musk? He’s having twitter quietly remove anti-trans rules. What an asshole. More: AP

Note nine: It’s great to see so many brave Tennesseans — joined by Sheryl Crow and Amy Grant — pushing for some action to stop gun violence. Republicans probably thought they’d get tired and go away. Wrong! More: News Channel 5

Note 10: And of course you might recognize this gentleman from his inexhaustible fight to save kids…

Note 11: Btw, Tennessee Republicans ignored all those protests and all those parents and instead passed a bill to give gun and ammunition manufacturers more legal protection from lawsuits. So if you’re keeping score at home, Tennessee Republicans are racist assholes and they enjoy school shootings. More: AP

Note 12: We were so fucking mad last week when Marco Rubio’s wimp ass went on twitter and insulted a nonbinary US sailor. It’s damn good to see the Navy having its people’s backs. And Marco is a gutless punk. More: CNN

Note 13: So um WHAT THE FUCK is up with DeSantis’s money guy? (Warning: Story is about a suicide) More: DailyMail

Note 14: Hey remember that horrible human being in North Carolina who switched parties and screwed over a shitload of people? Well she’s just as horrible as you thought. More: Assembly NC

Note 15: That a-hole Matt Walsh got hacked yesterday and it was pretty funny. More: Vice

Note 16: Sir Charles from deep!

Note 17: We like to believe TBS is the best newsletter there is. But even if it’s not, we know it’s better than Paul Gosar’s nazi newsletter. You know what the craziest part of this is? This story is like two days old. There are so many interactions between elected Republicans and nazis these days it’s barely fucking news and easy to miss. Good gravy is it 4/20 yet? More: NBC

Note 18: They’re shooting cheerleaders in Texas now for trying to get in the wrong car. Might’ve been a huge fucking mistake to give the angriest country in the world a shitload of guns. More: CNN

Note 19: Putting this here because it made us laugh…

Note 20: And on that hilarious note, let us do some news and then knock out the rest of this Hump Day. We hope y’all are holding up ok in one news avalanche after another. We know shit is messed up, but you’re on the good side and you’re looking sexy doing it so things could be worse. Have a great day!

Ruh-roh

So putting aside for a second that Dick Durbin is a wimp and that Republicans jammed us on replacing Sen. Feinstein on the Senate Judiciary committee. Actually, let’s not put that aside. That’s pretty fucked up. But now that they’ve done it as everyone predicted, what do we do? Our understanding is in the short term we’re ok because we’ve got judges already through the committee to confirm. But the cold hard truth is we are jammed and we’re damn curious what Sen. Schumer is planning for the US Senate we all fought so hard to win.

More: CNN

Doing the work

It doesn’t make the headlines or trend on twitter, but every damn day, Dark “Joseph Robinette Biden” Brandon is clocking in and working for the American people. Yesterday he signed some executive orders to make it cheaper to get childcare and care for older folks and to make life easier for the care providers. Then he released his tax returns for last year. Biden brought normal back and we don’t say thank you enough.

More: NBC, NBC

Ron DeSucksAtThis

The humiliation of Ron DeSantis is even more fun than we thought it would be. Yesterday he went to DC to meet with lawmakers and beg them for an endorsement. And Rep. Lance Gooden met with him and then immediately endorsed Trump and it’s sure gotta be hard not taking that personally. This morning the beltway vultures are all buzzing about how bad the trip went for Ron, and we’re wondering why the political press spent the last few years so eager to anoint a man who is obviously racist, fascist and as fun to hang around as a herpe. Keep going, Ron! You’re doing great, honey!

More: CNN, The Hill

Today’s clips

Complaints about Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas have been referred to a federal panel that oversees the nation’s financial disclosure laws, a top judicial official said Tuesday. More: HuffPost

GOP Rep. James Comer gave a tepid update Tuesday about the House Oversight Committee’s probe into the Biden family’s business dealings. More: HuffPost

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