4.18.23 Merry Truth-mas!

Be advised: This newsletter uses a lot of ducking profanity. And it really hates the shit out of autocorrect.

Note: Well, Sexy Patriots, we’re breaking unfortunate but necessary ground here today at TBS. We have decided to create a public service announcement of sorts —The TBS Yo! Watch Out For That Fucking Creep! system. We didn’t want to have to do this, but the Republican Party has simply left us no choice.

So GIANT fucking yikes, right? You think you know a guy who is still proud of the violent coup he helped lead against the United States of America and then he turns out to be a total fucking nightmare predator freakshow scumbag. That’s why we went to work last night and put in some long hours in the lab coming up with The TBS Yo! Watch Out For That Fucking Creep! system.

It’s really simple. Basically anytime you’re around a large gathering of people who are wearing red hats and talking about groomers and always talking about Disney but making it about sex in a really fucked up and unnerving way, well, the little voice inside your head is gonna scream “Yo! I better watch out for these fucking creeps!” And that’s how you’ll know our system is working. At that point, you simply haul ass far away from those fucking creeps. Thanks, TBS! No. Thank you, Sexy Patriots. Stay safe out there.

WARNING: Do not try The TBS Yo! Watch Out For That Fucking Creep! system at the Republican National Convention, CPAC or a Liberty University Faculty Meeting as it could cause extreme nausea and cranial melting. More: Daily Beast

Note two: E. Jean Carroll’s attorney just confirmed that she will be in attendance for the trial, which is scheduled to start next week. Have fun, Donnie! NO LINK YET

Note three: McCarthy had a meeting with House Republicans to get on the same page about their debt ceiling strategy. And he still doesn’t have them on the same page. Jonathan Swan reported a couple of weeks ago about what a shitshow they are, so why do the rest of the Capitol Hill press keep acting like there’s some kind of actual plan here? More: CNN

Note four: Half of the money Kyrsten Sinema raised in the first quarter came from big private equity firms. Don’t worry. She was outraised by real people. More: Sludge

Note five: We learned something yesterday. Apparently Disney has its own language. And this is how you say “Fuck off, Ron” in Disney…

Note six: In case you missed it, that tweet from Disney came after a Ron DeSantis event where he repeatedly threatened the company, even suggesting he might build a prison next to Disney World. Anyone else enjoying watching the prominent fascist Republican get his ass handed to him by a cartoon mouse? More: Reuters

Note seven: Wanna hear something funny? The spending cuts McCarthy wants in exchange for raising the debt ceiling would hurt red states the most. More: Reuters

Note eight: Yesterday President Biden called Ralph Yarl, the young man who was shot twice just for knocking on the wrong door. Biden invited Yarl to the White House and wished him a speedy recovery. Thank goodness we have a decent president right now. Because we all fucking know what the last one would be saying about this. More: Yahoo

Note nine: And Yarl sadly is not alone. Yesterday we heard about a 20-year-old woman who was shot and killed because she pulled into the wrong driveway. Fox News is scaring the shit out of people to the point that they’re just shooting anyone. What a fucked up country. More: Times Union

Note 10: Remember when the Republican Party said it was worried about protecting children?

Note 11: What the fuck happened to Iowa?

Note 12: The US ambassador was able to meet with kidnapped WSJ reporter Evan Gershkovich. That’s the good news. The bad news is Gershkovich was in a Russian courtroom this morning and they’re keeping him there. More: NBC

Note 13: A Trumper just announced he’s running to beat Sherrod Brown. Are we gonna let that happen? More: Cincinnati.com

Note 14: We wish y’all could see the very funny exchange we had with a Sexy Patriot yesterday who confused our endorsement of The Mandalorian for an endorsement of The Mauritanian, which we’re sure is also very good.

Note 15: Who wants some good news?

Note 16: You know that billionaire scumbag who collects nazi shit and supreme court justices? He thinks he’s the victim of a “political hit job.” Now you know how every woman in America feels, asshole. Business Insider

Note 17: Elon Musk was on Tucker Carlson last night. We’ve linked to all the stuff that wasn’t pathetic and embarrassing ass-kissing. NO LINK

Note 18: There are a lot of things to hate about Ron DeSantis. His purely evil shit-brained bigoted human garbage press secretary is near the top of the list. More: New Republic

Note 19: We couldn’t find a happy note for this one, so here’s Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers singing Islands in the Stream.

Note 20: And on that lovely note, let’s go do some news! We hope y’all are having a good week so far, and we hope you don’t need our new alert system. Just stay far the fuck away from Republican officials and you’ll be fine. Love y’all!

Not OK

Yesterday a recording made the rounds of an Oklahoma sheriff and county officials sitting around being racist as fuck and talking about killing Black people and reporters by hanging them. Even the state’s piece of shit governor called for resignations. So how did the scum respond to today? By claiming they’re the victims of being illegally recorded and promising to investigate the reporter. It’s amazing how many parts of this country are just straight up Shithole.

More: KFOR, NBC

DiFucked

Mitch McConnell, who returned to the Senate yesterday after being out six weeks with a concussion and broken ribs, announced this morning that Senate Republicans will not allow ailing Sen. Dianne Feinstein to move off the Judiciary Committee and be replaced. So we are just totally fucked now, and the judge pipeline is stalled. Chairman Dick Durbin said yesterday he hoped Republicans would show some kindness. So that tells you how dumb and useless Dick is. In fact just this morning they had hearing where Durbin once again said he would recognize Republican blue slips and he said nothing as Lindsey Graham sat there and lied about honoring blue slips when Trump was in office. We all worked our asses off to win the Senate, and all we were getting from it was judges. Now we’re not even getting that.

More: AP, NBC

Merry Truth-mas!

As we write this, 12 jurors have already been selected in the Fox-Dominion trial that’s taking place in Delaware. It appears that our shameless begging yesterday worked and Dominion did not settle. Hell, we might even get Rupert Murdoch on the stand. Just keep in mind the parties can settle at any time. Let’s just hope they don’t.

More: AP

Today’s clips

Republicans defended Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas on Monday after it was reported that he failed to disclose gifts and a real estate transaction from a billionaire GOP donor. More: ​​HuffPost

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