4.17.23 Clarence Thomas is really corrupt

Be advised: This newsletter cusses. We’ve never done any studies, but we suspect it cusses more on goddamn Mondays.

Note: Howdy, Sexy Patriots! How was your weekend? That good, huh? Are you still wearing the lampshade on your head? Yeah, they probably wouldn’t like that. Us? We’re awesome. Or we were until we heard that the Dominion-Fox trial is being delayed a day while the two parties seek a possible settlement.

Now y’all know that TBS is a proud newsletter. And it’s not easy for TBS to get down on its knees and beg. Mostly because newsletters don’t have knees. But that’s exactly what we’re doing today. So please don’t judge us for what’s about to happen…

Hey, Dom. Can we call you Dom? We’ve been rooting for you folks for so long we feel like we know you. We hear you’re thinking about settling with the hog-fucking shit-eating scum at Fox News. So we are on our knees begging you not to do that. Think about how those smug sleazebags lied about you over and over. Think about how they knew you were legit and they still tried to break you. They tried to take food out of your kids’ mouths. They tried to take everything from you for a fucking gameshow host. We even heard Sean Hannity was talking shit about your mom. And Laura Ingraham said you like to eat toe jam. So please destroy those sick fuckers and make them hurt for us all to enjoy. America and truth are kinding riding on you so no pressure. And if you could make Tucker cry that would be great. Thanks!

Fingers crossed, SPs. Now let’s have a great week.

Note two: Gym Jordan is holding his field hearing in New York City today and a crowd of protesters in the hall outside can be held in the hearing room. The hearing about how weak Alvin Bragg is on crime comes just one day after the New York Times reported that Jordan called the aging parents of a molested wrestler and asked them to get the young fella to shut up. What a class act. More: AP

Note three: McCarthy is in New York today too. Speaking before the New York Stock Exchange, McCarthy will call for threatening default on our nation’s debts if he doesn’t get to cut food stamps. McCarthy is even telling reporters this is like when Reagan spoke to the NYSE. Except Reagan warned against fucking with the debt ceiling. What a fucking dunce. More: HuffPost

Note four: House Republicans are asking for a one-year hike in the debt ceiling so they can do this all again next year during a presidential election. Yes, they are that dumb. Yes, the press keeps pretending they aren’t. More: CNN

Note five: But maybe our favorite Republican thing happening in New York today is George Santos is announcing for re-election because the Republican Party is just a big disgusting joke. But even disgusting jokes can be hilarious…

Note six: Republicans are already saying they won’t let Democrats remove Feinstein from Senate Judiciary. McConnell, who has been away from work for over a month after falling, refused to comment on DiFi today — his first day back in the Senate. If the GOP blocks her replacement, we’re gonna have to get serious about what happens next. We all want the senator back and healthy, but we have to worry about the big picture and we hope DiFi will too. More: CNN

Note seven: Lindsey Graham and Marjorie Taylor Gross spent the weekend fighting with each other and it’s like watching an epic battle between puke and shit. More: NBC

Note eight: We Democrats don’t like to talk about it, but we’ve got a Don Jr. too. His name is RJK Jr. and he’s a fucking idiot. More: CNN

Note nine: There’s talk Joe Manchin is going to announce a third-party presidential campaign this week. If that happens, prepare yourself for a cussing like TBS has never done before. NO LINK

Note 10: The blood-thirsty psycho shitheads of the GOP gathered at the NRA convention in Indianapolis over the weekend. It was so gross we don’t want to talk about it. Except the part where they booed Mike Pence.

Note 11: CBS has a poll showing Americans are really sick and fucking tired of Republican bullshit on guns. More: CBC

Note 12: There were of course more mass shootings over the weekend. Including at a Sweet 16 party in Alabama. More: ABC

Note 13: Apparently Ron DeSantis is gonna launch a new round of attacks against Disney today including sending inspectors in to look at the rides. That sorry motherfucker is sure doing a lot of damage on his way to not being president. NO LINK TO RUPERT’S NEW YORK POST

Note 14: Tonight is Tucker’s interview with Elon Musk, so don’t forget the NBA play-offs are on!

Note 15: If you haven’t seen this video of Dark Brandon in Ireland, prepare yourself for goosebumps. This is what it looks like when America is respected in the world again.

Note 16: America should demand justice for Ralph Yarl. Little boys aren’t supposed to get shot in the head just for knocking on the wrong fucking door. More: NBC CT

Note 17: Our favorite laugh this morning is Trump doing Truth Social posts telling Rupert Murdoch just to say that Dominion actually did steal the election. Would give anything to have a camera on Rupert when he hears that cracker jack legal advice from a man wanted at the same time in 87 different courtrooms. More: Rolling Stone

Note 18: On Friday, Corrupt Piece of Shit Sam Alito issued an injunction against the Texas abortion pill ruling until the 19th. Gosh. Wonder what they’ll end up doing. More: CNN

Note 19: Let’s end the notes with some good news today. Thanks to Dark Brandon, investment in the U.S. by manufacturers has DOUBLED since Joe delivered subsidies to get them to stay in this country. More: FT

Note 20: And on that happy note, let’s go do some news. We hope y’all had a great weekend. And we hope Dominion doesn’t punk out. Let’s make it a great week, SPs. Love y’all!

Let’s go

So last week Trump tried to get yet another delay in his defamation cases from E. Jean Carroll. This morning the judge said no. Trump had asked for “cooling off” period because of his recent arrest. Hilariously, the judge noted all the legal trouble Trump is in and said things might just get worse as we head further into the calendar. The trial is scheduled to start April 25. We’re sending love and gratitude to E. Jean.

More: Law & Crime

Scoreboard

After just more than a hundred days of cruel stupidity, we’re ready to take the House back from McCarthy and his MAGA morons. The DCCC raised about $38 million in the first quarter compared to about $26 million for Republicans. Hard to believe the American people don’t want more Marjorie Boebert Santos. We would sure love to know why Fox has this scoop though.

More: Fox

How much more?

The hits just keep on coming for Clarence Thomas. Over the weekend we learned he’s been claiming thousands in income from a real estate company that went out of business in 2006. We also just learned that his mom doesn’t pay rent to live in the house billionaire Harlan Crowe owns. But don’t worry — he told CNN through an anonymous source that he’s going to amend his financial disclosure documents.

More: CNBC, CNN

Today’s clips

Republican megadonor Thomas Peterffy said he is suspending donations to Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis (R) ahead of his potential 2024 presidential campaign. More: HuffPost

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