4.11.24 Not so moderate

Be advised: This newspaper cusses because the rest of the media still ain’t figured out that Trump is completely full of shit.

Note: Want to hear a riddle, Sexy Patriots? Ok cool. What has a fat head, a heart full of hate and smells like piss? Sean Hannity, that’s who. Yeah, you already knew about the first two but did you also know that Hannity did his show last night while sitting in a puddle of his own urine?

LOL!!!! One of the best sights on Earth is a scared shitless Republican realizing the American people are tired of their fucked up lunacy and coming for a November reckoning. And Sean Hannity is so fucking scared he’s pissing himself like a damn water wiggle. The whole Republican Party is. It’s why the dirty orange motherfucker who’s responsible for overturning Roe v. Wade is suddenly trying to sound like a moderate. Of course he’s not a moderate because HE’S THE DIRTY ORANGE MOTHERFUCKER WHO’S RESPONSIBLE FOR OVERTURNING ROE V. WADE. Sorry to yell. That was for the New York Times.

But reality is setting in. You can smell the fear. And the pee. It’s pretty gross. Kinda hilarious. And we can’t wait to teach these sonsofbitches a lesson at the ballot box. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: Is anyone else super impressed with how Team Biden-Harris has responded to this Arizona bullshit? VP Harris is headed there tomorrow, and the campaign announced today it’s going on the air with ads in the state. This is why Hannity and Co. are so scared. More: NBC

Note three: Speaking of a White House doing good shit, hallelujah Joe Biden is going to close the gun show loophole! Common sense gets a rare win! More: ABC

Note four: Donald Trump is going on trial. Finally. More: AP

Note five: Seriously what the fuck is wrong with this newspaper?!

Note six: House Republicans shot off their own dicks again yesterday, killing the reauthorization of FISA after Trump told them to in a Truth Social post. Great work, guys! More: CNN

Note seven: Republicans are trying to fuck with the Electoral College because some right-wing scumbag told them to. Nebraska, get your shit together! More: Nebraska Examiner

Note eight: We want to warn you before you click on this link that the language and threats from this person who works for Donald Trump’s campaign is truly horrifying. More: HuffPost

Note nine: Dan Crenshaw and Tucker Carlson are fighting. And they’re both losing. More: HuffPost

Note 10: Looks like North Carolina has a limit on the amount of crazy it’s willing to accept.

Note 11: The extreme right is going after NPR. Of course they also went after the Barbie movie so maybe they’re just losers. More: CNN

Note 12: Holy cow the media is finally starting to realize that RFK and Trump are the same horrible person. More: Axios

Note 13: Looks like the State Dinner for the Japanese Prime Minister went great last night. And they got to hear a concert from Paul Simon. We have to admit we’re a little jealous. More: CNN

Note 14: Lara Trump seems like a truly truly awful person. Yeah, we’re shocked too. More: CNN

Note 15: LOL! This is really well said. We might have just found the newest TBS contributor.

Note 16: Sen. Joni Ernst says the GOp worked very hard to overturn Roe. We know, Joni. And we’ll see you in November. More: HuffPost

Note 17: What the fuck? They’re praying in tongues on the Arizona Senate floor? Sounds like pretty normal stuff. How has Marjorie Taylor Greene not thought of this yet? More: HuffPost

Note 18: Cornel West announced a running mate yesterday. We don’t even care enough to make a cussing joke about her. More: Politico

Note 19: Today’s happy ending is pretty good. It’s not so much happy as it is just.

Note 20: And on that resistant note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope your day is off to a great start. And if you’re anywhere near Sean Hannity, watch your shoes. Love y’all!

No regrets

While most of the Republican Party has been freaking out and scrambling to sound moderate on abortion after the Arizona Supreme Court dusted off an 1864 abortion ban, the state’s Republicans revealed yesterday that they’re just fine with it. Yeah, statehouse Democrats in Arizona moved to repeal the law on the books that bans almost all abortions. And Republicans in both chambers blocked them. So don’t buy the bullshit. Republicans want the 1864 law or else they wouldn’t be doing this.

More: Guardian

Not so moderate

Trump wants everyone to believe he’s a big softy on abortion. Yeah, the guy responsible for overturning Roe thinks we’re dumb enough to fall for that shit. But yesterday when asked if there should be some punishment for doctors, he said that should be up to the states. In our book, that’s a yes. So yes, Trump is ok with punishment for doctors.

More: LA Mag

Traitors

MAGA Mike Johnson is drowning and he’s going down to Mar-a-Lago to look for a life preserver and some treason. With Marjorie Taylor Greene making his miserable life even more miserable, MAGA Mike is going down to Florida to hold an “election integrity” event with Trump. We’re actually ok that they’re doing this in Florida. There’s less chance they’ll attack the Capitol that way.

More: NBC

Today’s clips

O.J. Simpson, the former football great who was accused of and ultimately acquitted of the brutal 1994 slayings of his ex-wife and her friend, has died, according to his family. He was 76. More: ABC