4.10.24 The company you keep

Be advised: This newsletter cusses like some dumb motherfuckers out there think it’s 1864.

Note: Hey, Sexy Patriots! How the heck are you? So mad that cartoon steam is coming out of all of your orifices? Yeah, us too. It’s been a day and we still can’t believe some right-wing fuckheads on the Arizona Supreme Court said a goddamn law from goddamn 1864 before goddamn Arizona was even a goddamn state is just fine and dandy in the goddamn year 2024.

And then there’s scum-sucking assbrains like this…

Sonofa… Look, we don’t know who that hopeless shiteater is and we don’t want to know. But he thinks it’s so great to get on a bus, we came up with an idea. We’re calling it the asshole bus, and he’s invited. It’s gonna be him, Donald Trump, Sam Alito, the Arizona Supreme Court and every other miserable limp-peckered degenerate who desperately wants to control women. And once that bus is full, we’re gonna drive it right up a giant ramp and into the fucking sun.

Ok fine. That doesn’t seem possible. How about instead we channel our fury into winning a shitload of elections and making those losers even more losery? Sound like a plan. Good. And we’ll start working on that ramp just in case. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: Also, if you are in Arizona. Please know that you have 14 days until that bullshit 160-year-old law goes into effect. Also, check out Sam’s story in Los Angeles Magazine about how the city and California are ready to help people who need to flee Arizona. What a fucked up country this is. More: LA Mag

Note three: Also also, Vice President Harris is heading to Tucson on Friday to call this sick shit out. More: LA Mag

Note four: And if you hear a Republican saying they oppose what the state Supreme Court did, just remember that they’re lying through their goddamn teeth like Kari Lake. More: LA Mag

Note five: WAIT. Kevin McCarthy said what?!

Note six: So this is a good news/bad news story. The good news is Trump’s campaign is a dysfunctional joke. The bad news is it was in 2016 too. More: NBC

Note seven: Alabama and Ohio secretaries of state are trying to play games about keeping Biden off the ballot. More: AL.com

Note eight: The major networks are desperate for a debate. Don’t you wish they were desperate for democracy? More: HuffPost

Note nine: Zelenskyy invited Trump to Ukraine. We don’t think he’ll accept the invitation. Mostly because he’s a draft-dodging chickenshit. More: Politico

Note 10: Thank you to Jemele Hill for calling out The Rock’s “political cowardice.” More: Mediaite

Note 11: Anybody remember these assholes? Yeah, we forgot too.

Note 12: Don’t ask Sam about what’s going on with Kentucky basketball. He’s way too emotional and confused. More: CNN

Note 13: Republicans are gonna wait until next week to send over their bullshit articles of impeachment for Secretary Mayorkas. They knew they’d lose quicker if it was this week. They’re still gonna lose. More: NBC

Note 14: 1864? Seriously?! 18-fucking-64?!

Note 15: This is not an old story. It’s brand new. Can you imagine going to jail for a fucking gameshow host?!

Note 16: President Biden welcomed Japanese Prime Minister Kishida Fumio and his wife to the White House for a state dinner tonight. Normal president shit makes us happy. More: AP

Note 17: Congratulations to Stanford Coach Tara VanDerveer on her retirement. What a career. More: CNN

Note 18: LOL. This is a very damnening to the idea that Trump only hires the best people. Man, autocorrect did not like that one bit. More: HuffPost

Note 19: Today’s happy ending (enough of y’all emailed to say you liked this name, so we’re using it) is about how the women’s college basketball championship got more viewers than the men’s game. Hell to the yeah!

Note 20: And on that exciting note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are having a lovely week. And if you’re not doing anything, could you help us build an asshole-to-the-sun ramp? Awesome. Love y’all!

The company you keep

Y’all are gonna be shocked to hear this but RFK Jr. hangs out with some creeps. Remember that lunatic from yesterday who was caught on tape saying that Kennedy and Trump voters both want Biden gone? Well it turns out she was a “Stop the Steal” person who was at Trump’s Jan. 6 rally. It sure is getting harder and harder to tell the difference between the RFK and Trump campaigns.

More: CNN

He did this

Donald Trump is just fine with what the Arizona Supreme Court scumbags did yesterday. How do we know? He told us all when he said states should be able to do whatever they want to do. And while his statement was obviously a cheap political ploy, we have to admit we didn’t know it would come back to bite him in the ass quite so quickly. Who’s ready to turn Arizona all the way blue?

Damn right, Joe

In an interview with Univision, President Joe Biden didn’t hesitate when asked who or what is the primary threat to freedom and democracy at home. “Donald Trump,” Biden said. And he’s right. How do we know? Well just look at Arizona yesterday. Or the Capitol on Jan. 6, 2021. What Biden said is obvious. The only outstanding question is what is America gonna do about it?

More: Mediaite