4.10.23 An important re-election announcement

Be advised: This is a cussin’ newsletter that cusses about shit that needs cussin’.

Note: Sexy Patriots! We missed y’all this weekend! In fact, we were sitting around Saturday just being sexy when we decided we needed to do something special for you this week, and so we came up with a new award. Today we are handing out the inaugural “This Dumb Motherfucker Award.” So how do you win a TDM? Just be a completely out-of-touch shit-for-brains moron dumbass motherfucker. So who’s our first winner? Drumroll please…

WHAT?! Does this dumb motherfucker think American women are gonna stop caring about their rights because his stupid ass says so? Yes, yes he does think that. So what do we say? Should we just move on? LOLOL. No, Tony, we’re not moving on.

So congratulations to Rep. Tony Gonzales, the first winner of the “This Dumb Motherfucker Award.” For his prize, this dumb motherfucker can kiss all our asses and then go eat shit. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: One of the things Gonazeles and his scummy friends probably want us to move on from is the idiot Trump judge who on Friday announced that the abortion pill that has been available for more than two decades is actually unsafe. He issued a nationwide injunction because Republicans believe in small government until it’s time to control women. Un-fucking-believable. More: NBC

Note three: The initial result of that ruling is just confusion because a. It doesn’t go into effect for seven days and b. Another federal judge issued a contradictory ruling the same day. What a totally normal and high-functioning country we have. More: CNN

Note four: Because it’s America, we woke up to news of another shooting. This time in Louisville in Sam’s homestate of Kentucky. We’re sending love and we’re fucking furious this is how we live now. More: CNN

Note five: Thank you to Vice President Harris for visiting Nashville last week and standing with those who stand with democracy.

Note six: Holy shit did y’all see Succession last night?!!!!!!

Note seven: Trump did his usual holiday greeting where he wished a happy Easter to all the Americans he hates. It was similar to his “Fuck Halloween and eat shit Arbor Day” speech he gave to the Boy Scouts. More: Independent

Note eight: Are you right now trying to remember the time Trump told a bunch of Boy Scouts that Arbor Day can eat shit? Did it really happen? (It didn’t. But we had you wondering, didn’t we?)

Note nine: President Biden told NBC today he’s running for re-election. Fire up the Biden boats! Wait. We don’t do that? Bummer. More: People

Note 10: We were gonna make a Caddyshack joke here but instead we’ll just go with WHAT THE EFFING FUCK?!!!!

Note 11: What would Carl Spackler even say about that?

Note 12: We sometimes wonder if we’re too hard on the press. But today NBCNews has a story about how Ted Cruz is gonna run for re-election on bipartisanship and NPR has a story about how Bret Baier is actually the good guy at Fox. So yeah, they fucking suck. NO GODDAMN LINKS

Note 13: Elon Musk and his pet journalist Matt Taibbi got in a fight Friday and it was fucking hilarious. The nice thing about all these people being so awful is even they can’t stand to be around each other. More: Independent

Note 14: This is remarkable. Trump’s favorable rating is down to 25 percent in the AP/Ipsos poll. That’s down from 29 percent after he got indicted. Makes us think about that Lindsey Graham quote about getting destroyed and deserving it. More: WBAL

Note 15: Want to see what leadership looks like? Here’s San Antonio Spurs Coach Greg Popovich going off on Republicans for doing nothing about guns.

Note 16: Fox settled a lawsuit. No not that one. Totally real news organization though, right? More: CNN

Note 17: Someone in Iowa please tell us why they hate women there so much. Seriously. What the fuck is wrong with these monsters? More: AP

Note 18: President Obama called Chicago’s new mayor with some advice… More: Sun Times

Note 19: Many people are saying Jack Smith and Fani Willis are ready to kick things up a notch. Who knows what the week will bring?

Note 20: And on that odd and whimsical note, let’s go do some news! We hope y’all had a great weekend. And we hope you get a chance to tell Tony Gonazeles what you think of his suggestion. Love y’all!

Go Bobby!

Sen. Bob Casey Jr. announced today he is running for re-election. This one is huge, y’all. The Senate map next year is a nightmare, so the more of these safe strong senators we can convince to stay, the better off we’ll be. Sen. Casey has been a strong voice for Pennsylvania and a fighter for working people and basic human rights. TBS is happy to endorse Bobby Casey for re-election!

More: CNN

Yikes

While you were enjoying your weekend, every conservative writer on the planet was explaining why it’s no big deal that the billionaire who’s been bribing Clarence Thomas for the past 25 years is also an avid collector of Nazi shit. Dude even has a signed copy of Mein Kampf. And these assholes are really telling us that it’s no big deal and their good buddy Harlan Crow just keeps this stuff to remind him who the bad guys are. Cool friends, Clarence.

More: Washingtonian 

Even for Texas…

This is fucked up. Over the weekend, Gov. Greg Abbott said he’s trying to figure out how to pardon a fucking lunatic who shot and killed a BLM protester. Daniel Perry was convicted of murder by a jury of his peers, but in Texas that ain’t the law. No, instead the governor is going to try and get this sick piece of shit sprung because he killed the right people. We’re not the type of people who advocate boycotting red states, but we wouldn’t even fucking drive through Texas these days.

More: CNN

Today’s clips

Glenn Kirschner, a former U.S. Army prosecutor and legal analyst for MSNBC, said House Judiciary Committee Chair Jim Jordan (R-Ohio) broke a New York law forbidding “obstructing governmental administration” with his attempt to probe Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg’s indictment of Donald Trump. More: HuffPost

Highly classified Pentagon documents leaked online in recent weeks have provided a rare window into how the US spies on allies and foes alike, deeply rattling US officials, who fear the revelations could jeopardize sensitive sources and compromise important foreign relationships. More: CNN

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