3.8.23 Kevin McCarthy is too afraid to visit Ukraine.

3.8.23

It’s Wednesday. There are 608 days until the presidential election. The Capitol police call out McCarthy, more happy fun times from Dominion and the speaker is too afraid to visit Ukraine.

Be advised: This newsletter cusses like it fell out of the cussing tree and hit every fucking branch on the way down.

Note: LOLOL!!!! Well, Sexy Patriots, shit is getting interesting. We know what you’re thinking — you guys are so good-looking and we really can’t take shit getting more interesting than it already has been. Well we sure hear that. And thank you. But this is fun interesting thanks to Dominion and the back-stabbing shit-eating treasonous scum at Fox News. You’ve probably seen some of the excerpts so far…

Hahahahahahahaha!!!! Shocking shit, right?! Well you ain’t seen nothing yet. We uncovered this conversation in fake text messages between Tucker Carlson, Sean Hannity and the ghost of a drunken pig that died eating its own ass.

Tucker: I really want to fuck an M&M like Trump fucked up this election.

Sean: That sounds really hot. And yeah, he sucks.

Tucker: He can’t have sex with bags of chocolate with us.

Sean: Agreed. He went too far. Putting your broken little johnson in an M&M is for good god-fearing patriots only.

Ass-eating Ghost Pig: You people are sick! Stay the fuck away from my candy and my country!

Welp, even that fucked up dead pig that tried to eat its own ass gets it. Now we just need the few million Americans who watch Fox to figure it out too.

Note two: Btw, none of the real revelations have stopped or even slowed those horrible scumbags from lying to the nation about Jan. 6 and the cops who defended our Capitol that day. More: USA Today

Note three: Marjorie Taylor Gross and Jamie Comer Greene both told Politico yesterday that they are setting up a congressional delegation to visit the Jan. 6 terrorists in jail. Because Politico just mindlessly repeated this shit without any context, we will not be linking to it. Suffice it to say, we think Marjorie and Comer should get their own cells when they visit.

Note four: We were kinda surprised by this but even Republican senators were calling out Tucker Carlson’s “bullshit.” And those assholes usually LOVE Fox bullshit! More: Huff Post

Note five: Republicans want to attack and make fun of this person? Guess they hate cops AND firefighters.

Note six: Does Marianne Williamson think she can run for president criticizing and trying to beat Biden and nobody is going to respond? Seems like a well thought out campaign. More: Huff Post

Note seven: Elon Musk spent all day yesterday attacking a disabled employee in front of millions of people and then hours later decided to apologize. Thank goodness he’s here to protect truth. More: The Daily Beast

Note eight: Also, the owner of twitter is a full-on Jan. 6 denier. Wonder if the New York Times is still confused about his politics. More: Huff Post

Note nine: We think No Labels needs a label. How about The Dumb Shitheads Who Are Gonna Re-elect Trump? We can call them The Shitheads for short. Work for y’all? More: Third Way

Note 10: This motherfucker. Seriously. We gonna go through decades of Elon doing the same shit to this country that Rupert has?

Note 11: Has anyone noticed lately that Republicans and Fox are talking more and more about war against Mexico? Makes us miss the normal days when they wanted a national divorce. More: Huff Post

Note 12: As our friend Dark Brandon would say, this is not fucking hyperbole. Florida has lot its fucking mind. Or at least its governor has. More: CNN

Note 13: Oklahoma voted against legalizing weed confirming our belief that no one wants to party with Oklahoma. More: OKCFox

Note 14: It’s really a goddamn shame that yet another person who actually gives a shit about the consumer has been treated like absolute shit by a Democratic-controlled Senate. Fuck Joe Manchin. More: NBC News

Note 15: Here’s your weekly Jamie Raskin appreciation note…

Note 16: So this is a really big fucking deal and we should be featuring it more prominently but the chairman of the Federal Reserve all but promised to kill American jobs yesterday to satiate his terminator-like focus on inflation. We’re not economists but that seems pretty fucking stupid. Thank you to Elizabeth Warren for calling this shit out. More: Business Insider

Note 17: We linked to this story yesterday, but it had a paywall and this is just too damn important. We’re all rooting for the Texas Freedom Five (does that work?) to restore some sanity and some basic human rights in this country. More: Associated Press

Note 18: Today is International Women’s Day. Thank you to every woman reading this for fighting for democracy, dignity and decency in this messed up country. We’re really goddamn grateful to you.

Note 19: Let’s end on a happy one today. HUGE congratulations to new member of Congress Rep. Jennifer McClellan who was sworn in yesterday. Is congratulations the right thing to say to someone who has to go to work with Matt Gaetz? Seems wrong, right? More: CNN

Note 20: And on that awesome note, let’s go do some news then finish off this humping hump day with a strut. We love y’all, and we hope you have a pleasant day. Unless you work at Fox. We hope their day sucks.

Buck the blue
Kevin McCarthy got called out by a lot of people yesterday. That includes the chief of the Capitol police who wrote a letter to the police force about the “offensive and misleading conclusions” McCarthy’s friend Tucker Carlson came to Monday night as he trashed the police and downplayed an attack on them. While Tucker claims that he talked to police before airing the footage, Thomas Manger said his show never reached out. So Tucker lied about something else. It’s pretty grotesque watching McCarthy and Tucker just get away with this shit. We’re really hoping this is when Democrats start to get tough with Fox. Enough is enough. More: WSGW

Speaking of Fox
What else is there to fucking say? They are completely full of shit and happily destroying America and they don’t fucking believe any of it. Except Maria Bartiromo. That idiot seems to believe it all. She wrote to Steve Bannon after the election about how she was “depressed” and wouldn’t refer to Biden as “president-elect.” Most importantly, Rupert acknowledged that Trump was “increasingly mad.” They knew. They still know. And they're still gonna try to make him president again. More: Huff Post

Wimp!!!
President Zelensky has invited Kevin McCarthy to Ukraine to come satisfy his bullshit concerns about how money is being spent over there. McCarthy’s response is that he would go but he’s a gutless chickenshit who pooped his pants at the mere thought of entering the same war zone President Biden did just a couple weeks ago. If this was Speaker Pelosi, the press would be pressuring her to go. But it’s McCarthy so they’ll just kiss his ass for a few minutes and then get bored. Stop being such a wuss, Kev! More: CNN

Today’s clips
New York City Mayor Eric Adams is calling for shop owners to have customers remove their masks before entering their stores as a means of preventing shoplifting and robberies.

Missouri cannot enforce a controversial state law it says looks to protect gun rights, a federal judge in the state ruled Tuesday, saying the measure ran afoul of the US Constitution.