3.7.23 What happens when Republicans destroy the economy

Be advised: This is a cussing newsletter because this is America and we can tell our politicians to eat shit. Today we’re doing it in all caps.

Note: Sexy Patriots! How is your week getting started? Amid a horrifying effort by Republicans to cover up a domestic terrorist attack they incited on the United States Capitol?! Yeah, ours too. Those sick motherfuckers. Let’s consider today’s TBS opening note more of a PSA than a joke or a point we wanted to expand upon. Y’all ready? Ok here we go…

THAT SHIT REALLY FUCKING HAPPENED! THERE WERE MORE THAN 100 COPS BRUTALLY BEATEN AND INJURED! SOME LATER DIED! REPUBLICANS’ DEGENERATE FUCKHEAD FRIENDS SMEARED THEIR OWN SHIT ON THE WALLS OF THE SAME BUILDING THAT AMERICANS DIED TO PROTECT ON SEPT. 11, 2001! THEY ATTACKED OUR COUNTRY BECAUSE THEY LOST A FUCKING ELECTION! THEY WANTED TO HANG THE VICE PRESIDENT! THEY WANTED TO KILL THE SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE! THIS SHIT ALL FUCKING HAPPENED!

And anyone who says different is a fucking liar who hates this country. They can kiss our asses and then go eat shit from a sick goat. And then after that they can fuck right off. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: Here’s a letter from Brian Sicknick’s family. It’s a Fuck You to Tucker Carlson and the rest of the assholes trying to cover up what happened…

Note three: Elon Musk spent yesterday breaking twitter, spreading lies about Jan. 6 and publicly attacking a former twitter employee with muscular dystrophy. What a fucking asshole. More: BBC

Note four: Fox News is all in on trying to repair its relationship with Trump, and a full-scale effort to rewrite the Jan. 6 attack is part of that orange devil’s bargain. Y’all wanna let them get away with it? We don’t either.

Note five: Republicans are soulless monsters. Exhibit 2,838,383,924…

Note six: Border crossings are dropping. We’re sure the Republican Party is busy making a banner to thank President Biden. More: AP

Note seven: One of our dear readers sent us a story about the moon getting its own time zone. We’re cool with that as long as those lunar motherfuckers have to mess with daylight savings time too. Don’t forget to spring ahead this weekend. More: NY Times

Note eight: Remember when Newt Gingrich was running for president and said he wanted to colonize the moon? What an idiot. Fun fact: Sam was there and pissed him off by asking when the moon’s primary would be. Good times.

Note nine: Are we seriously fucking doing this again? Trump is angry lying about his CPAC crowd being a joke. There are of course receipts. More: Independent

Note 10: Walgreens is feeling the heat and today they put out a statement that was a flat-out lie. They are an anti-choice company and Judd Legum has the proof. So fuck Walgreens.

Note 11: Remember that crazy sonofabitch who ran for governor in Pennsylvania and got his ass whooped so bad nobody even pretended the election was stolen? Well he’s thinking about running for the Senate. Are we really that lucky? POLITICO STORY — NO LINK

Note 12: Mark Finchem was the lunatic asshole who ran to be Arizona’s Secretary of State. He’s now being sanctioned for filing frivolous lawsuits after his loss, and a quick glance at his twitter feed suggests he ain’t taking it too well. Yikes. More: AP

Note 13: BREAKING: Josh Hawley is still a fucking coward who pissed himself on Jan. 6.

Note 14: What’s the worst that could happen with Sarah Hucakbee Sanders as a governor? Oh we see. More: KNOE

Note 15: Chuck Schumer has been on the Senate floor this morning reading Tucker Carlson to filth…

Note 16: Marjorie and Don Jr. have been tweeting about what a raw deal the QAnon Shaman got. As Americans, we’re appalled. As Democrats who like winning elections, we are thrilled for them to make that fucking loser the face of their party. NO LINK

Note 17: Republicans in Georgia are trying to control local prosecutors. But only because one of them is a Black woman who might be about to take down one of their criminal buddies. Yes, this is extremely fucked up. More: AJC

Note 18: Five women in Texas are suing over the state’s abortion ban because it almost got them killed. Godspeed. More: NY Times

Note 19: Let’s end on a happy note. Gym Jordan is worried he’s embarrassing himself. Because he is. So he’s scrambling to un-embarrass himself. LOLOL!!! More: Axios

Note 20: And on that hilarious note, let’s go do some news! We really enjoy spending this time with you. You’re sexy. You’re patriotic. And you’re not trying to convince us that an attack on the Capitol that we saw with our own eyes didn’t actually happen. And we really love that about you. Have a great day, and we’ll see you back here tomorrow for more truth and cussin’.

Fuck this

As part of the batshit crazy fall-out from Tucker’s Jan. 6 bullshit, Trump is now calling for the members of the Jan. 6 committee to be prosecuted for treason. Republicans are really playing with fire here, and we have ZERO faith that the Capitol Hill press corps is going to hold McCarthy to account here.

TRUTH SOCIAL SO NO LINK

Go Joe!

Today in the NYT, Joe Biden has an op-ed about his plan to extend the solvency of Medicare for the next 25 years. Basically he wants to make more drugs cheaper so the cost keeps going down. He also wants to raise taxes on people making more than $400,000 a year. Sounds good to us!

More: CNN

Doomsday

So here’s what happens when Republicans tank the economy — we immediately lose about 2.6 million jobs and go right to a recession. That’s according to a new analysis in the NYT today. Over in the Washington Post you’ll see a story about a speaker of the House who made a deal to cut spending that he can’t possibly keep so yeah we are headed for absolute fucking disaster. Made worse by a Republican Fed chairman who seems to get off on putting people out of work. Dark Brandon, you have your work cut out for you.

More: NY Times, Washington Post

Today’s clips

Michelle Obama opened up about leaving Washington, D.C., with her husband, former President Barack Obama, after Donald Trump’s inauguration.

“You walk through the Capitol, you wave goodbye, you get on Marine One, and you take your last flight flying over the Capitol,” she said in Tuesday’s debut episode of “Michelle Obama: The Light Podcast,” according to People. More: HuffPost

Support Today’s Big Stuff

If you have a friend, family member, or neighbor that would like to sign up for this free daily newsletter they can go to TodaysBigStuff.com.

Unlike a lot of soulless Washington newsletters, you won’t see us making out with defense contractors or oil companies for a little extra ad money. It’s gross as hell, and they won’t return our calls. Our goal is to keep Today’s Big Stuff free and available for anyone who needs a laugh during these trying times. But we need your help to do it.

Your donations help us cover the costs of distributing this newsletter and allow us to keep it pure, honest and foul-mouthed as a motherfucker.

So much of the media these days are pulling their punches and afraid to tell the truth because they don’t want to piss off their advertisers. Not us! Advertisers don’t want anything to do with us, and if they did, we would piss them off in like two seconds.

So please chip in what you can and let’s keep Today’s Big Stuff for the people! Make a contribution here.