3.30.23 Disney does DeSantis dirty

Be advised: This newsletter loves cussing like the New York Times loves Republicans — way too fucking much!

Note: Well hey there, Sexy Patriots! How the eff are you today? Fine as all hell? That’s what we figured. We on the other hand were scrambling this morning. Yesterday as such a crazy news day that we were really drinking from a firehose this morning. But don’t worry. We found the most important thing that happened…

LOL. We’ve always known this but now we can share it with you — Lauren Boebert actually loves pee. Loves it! How do we know? Well this is from a fake interview we did with her a few months ago…

TBS: What’s up trash dumbfuck?

Lauren Boebert: Oh just drinking some piss.

TBS: Seriously? What the hell is wrong with you?

LB: I just love urine. I love to drink it. Freeze it and eat it like a popsicle. Sometimes I just throw some in the air and dance underneath it singing “I love pee-pee.”

TBS: We always thought you were just a total idiot. We had no idea you were this nuts.

LB: Well if bathing in your own piss and not giving a shit about kids dying makes me nuts, then I guess I’m nuts.

TBS: You smell like pee.

Now is that serious or even smart considering everything that’s going on in this country? Of course not. But we’re not the idiot in Congress. Enjoy your pee, LB. The rest of y’all have a great day.

Note two: A Republican judge in Texas just said the Affordable Care Act’s requirement that insurance companies cover preventative care is unconstitutional. Yeah, the Republican Party is now against cancer screenings. This is fucking insane. The good news is this idiot usually gets his shit overturned. More: Bloomberg Law

Note three: Do you live in Wisconsin? If so, please go vote for Judge Janet. The guy she’s running against is a piece of shit scumbag who will effectively end democracy in this country. More: Journal Sentinel (Paywall)

Note four: The WSJ’s Russia reporter was arrested in Russia this morning and accused of espionage. Don’t expect Rupert Murdoch to give a shit. More: CNN

Note five: Yesterday Kentucky Republicans overrode Gov. Andy Beshear’s veto of the most cruel anti-trans bill in the nation. And once again, the Bluegrass State disgraces itself…

Note six: The New York Times had two white reporters write a story about how Ron DeSantis is “tough on crime.” We sure as fuck will not be linking to it.

Note seven: So we are fucking done with Alvin Bragg. Fuck that coward. His grand jury is taking the next month off. Why stop there? Why not take all year? What’s the rush? Are we being impatient? You’re goddamn right we are. More: CNN

Note eight: Fox News CEO Suzanne Scott was furious Fox reporters were fact-checking Trump’s lies about the election. Must be why you don’t hear much fact-checking over there anymore. Frankly, we never did. More: NBC

Note nine: The psycho Texas judge about to make the abortion pill illegal is now going after his critics in his opinions. This must be what they mean when they talk about judicial temperament. More: Slate

Note 10: This is Rep. Jared Moskowitz. We dig the way he wrecks Republican bullshit.

Note 11: Yesterday one of Politico’s top editors wrote a piece about affable centrist Glen Youngkin and how he should run for president. The same day, Youngkin revoked automatic voter rights restoration for ex-felons. It used to be that they were out of touch. Now they just don’t give a shit. More: Bolts

Note 12: Goddamn do we love us some Mark Hamill. Luke Skywalker is an ally of Ukraine, and we are so fucking here for it. More: AP

Note 13: Trump and Pence are speaking at the NRA conference next month. Mostly because they DO NOT give a flying fuck how many kids get shot. More: News and Tribune

Note 14: We really like Joe Biden. We have zero idea why once again he is putting up an judge with a fucked up record. It really didn’t go well the last time he tried this shit. More: HuffPost

Note 15: Sure looks like the cult is gonna go with their cult leader. So let us use this time to laugh at the 1 percent club. Looking good, Pompeo!

Note 16: MATT GAETZ’S AIDE ON ARMED SERVICES IS A CONVICTED WAR CRIMINAL. That seems like a big fucking deal to us. More: Intercept

Note 17: Gym Jordan and his loser crew are having a “weaponization” hearing this morning. It’s going exactly how you’d expect. NO LINK

Note 18: Thank you to DOCTOR Jill Biden for visiting Nashville to mourn with the folks there. More: WSMV

Note 19: The best news — John Fetterman is returning to the Senate on April 17. We’re so damn proud of him for getting help, and we just know he’s about to become a powerful advocate for mental health awareness. Keep getting better, Big John! More: CNN

Note 20: Happy Opening Day to all who celebrate!

Note 21: And on that note, let’s go do some news! Week is almost over, SPs, and we hope y’all are holding up ok. We love y’all, and we hope you’ll stay far the fuck away from Lauren Boebert’s thermos. Have a great one!

LOLOLOL

Ron DeSantis had another bad day yesterday. With polls showing him sucking wind in addition to just sucking, DeSantis also got his sorry ass handed to him by Mickey Mouse yesterday. Yeah, when Ron White Boots’s new politically motivated oversight board got to work they discovered that Disney’s lawyers had already maneuvered to neuter them. It’s honestly one of the funniest things we’ve seen in a while. Thank god these nutjobs are so goddamn dumb.

More: NBC

Star

Vice President Harris has to put with endless shit and bad press from a press corps that calls Glen Youngkin an affable centrist. But on her trip to Africa this week, she has gotten her due. The VP and her husband have been welcomed and cheered at every stop, and it is damn good to see it. If only we would appreciate her like the folks there are. Predictably, coverage of the successful trip is hard to find in the MSM.

More: AP

Thank you!

Our last news item today is an appreciate post. Thank you to Rep. Jamaal Bowman for standing there yesterday and calling out House Republicans and Capitol Hill reporters for being complete and total fucking cowards when it comes to confronting gun violence…

Today’s clips

Nine people were killed in a crash involving two Army Black Hawk helicopters in Kentucky, a military spokesperson said. More: HuffPost

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