3.28.24 What a shame

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity like it’s getting disbarred for being a treasonous piece of shit.

Note: Ya know, Sexy Patriots, there are two things we try to be here at TBS — obscene and relevant. Sure, we’d like to add reassuring and clever and funny and insightful and wearing dry pants, but obscene and relevant are two of the big ones. So we try to at least keep this opening note on the rails as much as possible even when we’re doing fake blasphemous interviews with god. Except today we’re going off the rails to tell Ted Cruz’s dad to fuck off and eat shit…

What?! Guess the obnoxious asshole didn’t fall far from the obnoxious asshole tree. Look, we don’t want to spend this time and space going after someone’s dad, and it would be just fine and dandy with us if we never had to think about Ted Cruz or any of his family ever again. But we’ve got Jimmy Carter’s back and the Cruz clan can kiss our hot asses.

Like seriously dude? Jimmy hung out with the Allman Brothers and gave the world Habitat for Humanity and you shat out the miserable slob who fled to Cancun while people in his state were suffering. And that doesn’t even get into the whole this-sick-SOB-might-have-killed-JFK of it all.

So anyway, Ted Cruz’s dad can fuck all the way off. And as always, so can Ted Cruz. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: Holy crap this economy is rolling. The GDP for the fourth quarter has been revised upward to 3.4 percent. This is after a once-in-a-century pandemic and well ahead of the rest of the world. Seems newsworthy to us. More: Market Watch

Note three: This would have made a nice ending note, but it’s just too funny to wait. We never laugh when someone is evicted. Unless it’s that MyPillow asshole. At least he’ll have something soft to land on when his crazy ass hits the sidewalk. More: Newsweek

Note four: Despite a gag order, Donald Trump has continued to attack the judge — and the judge’s daughter — in his New York hush money case. And Trump’s attacks on the daughter are all based on lies. So when is this deranged shithead going to jail? More: Spectator

Note five: LOL. We’re not psychic. It was just really easy to tell there was more to the Matt Schlapp story.

Note six: Is anyone still pretending not to know what right-wingers mean when they say DEI? Thanks to the mayor of Baltimore for calling this shit out. More: HuffPost

Note seven: We wish we were badass women athletes so we could’ve gone to this awesome event Vice President Harris had yesterday. Alas we instead pulled a muscle just opening our laptop this morning. More: USA Today

Note eight: Oh look some more voter fraud. You’ll never guess which party he’s with. More: AJC

Note nine: It will never not be weird to us to root for Liz Cheney but go Liz go. More: Des Moines Register

Note 10: Trump sure seems scared of RFK. It might be the only thing we have in common with that sick orange fucker.

Note 11: Remember the confederate flag scumbag from Jan. 6? Well a Trump judge just let him go. More: Law and Crime

Note 12: Glenn Youngkin had a very bad day yesterday and Democrats are really enjoying it. More: MSNBC

Note 13: Fani Willis says nothing is going to stop her from bringing Trump to trial. Hell yeah! More: ABC

Note 14: Fox News and Donald Trump are very fake upset that NBC fired Ronna Not Romney McDaniel, who they also fired from the RNC. Congrats on an all-time fuck up, Peacock. More: CNN

Note 15: We won’t be able to say these sick assholes didn’t warn us.

Note 16: Beyonce is doing a cover of Jolene?!!!! Well that’s fucking awesome. More: Billboard

Note 17: Biden is leading Trump. Until you add the third-party scary kids. Ignore the polls. Don’t ignore the scary kids. More: The Hill

Note 18: The man leading the impeachment of Joe Biden seems to be losing his shit. And he was already quite the loser before all this started. More: MSNBC

Note 19: Today’s happy note is called Curb Your Fascism. If you haven’t heard Larry David go off on Trump, please do yourself a favor… More: HuffPost

Note 20: And on that refreshing note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope your week is going awesomely. We also hope your dad isn’t Ted Cruz’s dad. Or Ted Cruz. Love y’all!

What a shame

So the awful piece of shit lawyer who helped lead Trump’s coup attempt should be disbarred, according to a California judge. Yeah, this one seems like a no-brainer. John Eastman said he will appeal the decision to the California Supreme Court, but the testimony from other Trump officials was pretty damn damning. Dude had to invoke the fifth quite a bit. And also he tried to overthrow the US. Of course he should be disbarred. And then thrown in prison. Why the hell is this taking so long?

More: Axios

Whoa

The dynamic duo (plus Bill Clinton) is ready to ride again. On Thursday night, President Biden will be joined at a fundraiser at Radio City Music Hall in New York by former President Barack Obama. And get this — they’ve already set a fundraising record by bringing in a whopping $25 million. Yeah, it’s nuts. There’s still a lot of shit to worry about this year, but the Biden-Harris fundraising team is rolling.

More: AP

Sad

So yesterday Joe Lieberman died. He was the reason we didn’t have a public option and part of the reason we went into Iraq. Still, we know a lot of people liked him and he was the first presidential candidate to remember Sam’s name so we’re not planning to pile on here. We are however going to point out that this seems bad for No Labels, the third-party spoilers who Lieberman was helping to lead. It also seems bad for them that Chris Christie just said no thanks to their offer to be the No Labels presidential candidate. Seems like a big problem that they can’t get anyone to run.

More: CNN, CNN

Today’s clips

Florida Supreme Court justices are expected to issue a ruling Thursday on an abortion rights amendment that may appear on the 2024 ballot. More: WFLA

The construction workers who went missing in the Baltimore bridge collapse came to the Maryland area from Mexico or Central America, including an enterprising Honduran father and husband who started a delivery business before the pandemic forced him to find other work, according to his family. More: HuffPost

The charges against former President Donald Trump in the Georgia election interference case seek to criminalize political speech and advocacy conduct that the First Amendment protects, his lawyers argued in a court filing challenging the indictment. More: AP