3.28.23 America don’t see no witch hunt

Be advised: This newsletter has a cussing problem, but we’re fucking on it. Guess that joke works better when it’s about work and drinking.

Note: Well, Sexy Patriots, yesterday was a shit day. There are lots of different kinds of shit days since Trump broke America. There are hilarious shit days, terrifying shit days and heartbreaking shit days. Yesterday was terrifying and heartbreaking, and we don’t really know how to be funny about it. So instead we’re gonna cuss this motherfucker to hell and back…

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOU!!!! Seriously, fuck this chickenshit. He gets real goddamn tough when he’s taking on drag queens, but save our kids from assault rifles? Well that’s just not even worth trying. The cowardly congressman did give us an idea though. We are inventing something called gun lube that will make it easier for scumbags like this to shove their goddamn guns right up their evil asses. Yeah, we’re not suggesting anything violent. We’re just saying if these fucking monsters would rather fuck their guns than save lives, then they should let the guns fuck them too. So have at it, Tim. It ain’t like you’re busy doing anything useful.

Note two: Yeah, we’re so fucking mad we can’t see straight. And watching them go after trans people is just making it so much more awful. We love all of you, Sexy Patriots, and we hope you’re as fucking furious as we are. Because that’s usually when we make the people in charge start changing shit.

Note three: We’re so mad we need a laugh. Oh this will work just fine. Chris Christie seems to think he’s going to be president. And that’s about the funniest fucking thing we’ve seen all week. More: AP

Note four: Now we’re laughing and pissed off. Which makes this the perfect mood to tell y’all about the fucking goobers in Wisconsin who banned Dolly Parton. THEY BANNED DOLLY PARTON. That’s the admission test to the fucking Taliban! More: ABC7

Note five: We should’ve just gone with Rep. Maxwell Frost instead of that whole gun lube thing. We hope someday Gen Z will forgive us, but we understand if they don’t.

Note six: Is it just us or does Elon Musk seem like the most pathetic loser in the world? More: Deadline

Note seven: Try not to think about how fucked up and frightening days like yesterday are gonna be when the only people verified on twitter have $8 and a crush on fascism.

Note eight: Don’t worry, everyone. Trump says he was just holding that baseball bat in that photo he posted next to one of Alvin Bragg to promote the bat for being made in America. Sean Hannity was happy to believe that bullshit. More: HuffPost

Note nine: The Washington Post wrote a story about Trump’s “election-rigging myth.” Shouldn’t they be better with words? Because it ain’t a myth. It’s a goddamn dirty fucking lie, and none of us should read newspapers that are too chickenshit to say so. NO FUCKING LINK

Note 10: Thank you to KJP for putting this better than we did…

Note 11: We have totally fucked up and not mentioned one word about Vice President Harris’s trip to Africa. We actually didn’t know about it. It’s pretty fucked up how little press she gets compared to Marjorie Taylor Scumbag. More: ABC

Note 12: So Netanyahu caved yesterday after mass protests and a general strike. Except he didn’t really and he’s not going to stop because he’s Trump. More: AP

Note 13: Georgia Republicans are really going after local prosecutors to protect Trump. Congratulations to all the DC kiss-asses who thought Brian Kemp was better than other Republicans. Maybe Fani Willis should hurry up. More: AJC

Note 14: Speaking of hurrying up, Alvin Bragg brought in another witness yesterday. Guess we can all cool our heels. It ain’t like the criminal we’re talking about is running for president again. Right? More: CBS

Note 15: This is our weekly Jamie Raskin appreciation post…

Note 16: Florida is going for a six-week abortion ban. This is so fucking insane. Leave it to DeSantis to finish off women’s rights in the South. More: Guardian

Note 17: Republican senators are introducing legislation to overturn Biden’s student loan forgiveness. Those students should have become billionaires or attacked the Capitol if they wanted help from Republican senators. More: NBC

Note 18: If you’re in Wisconsin, VOTE FOR JUDGE JANET. And then find five friends and tell then to VOTE FOR JUDGE JANET!!! It is nothing less than insane how much of America is riding on this one election.

Note 19: It’s just Tuesday, and it’s already been a long week. So here’s Kermit the Frog and Debbie Harry singing Rainbow Connection…

Note 20: And on that much-needed note, let’s go do some news. Don’t despair, SPs. We are strong, we are determined and we’ve won before. So let’s keep fighting this important fight. This country’s kids will thank us. Love y’all!

Changing the subject

Kevin McCarthy didn’t want to talk about dead kids today. So he sent another letter to Biden threatening to destroy the economy. CNN seems happy to help McCarthy with is bullshit. Biden has of course released a budget. House Republicans have not. But hey McCarthy sent a letter to Biden so he’s probably totally serious about staving off economic ruin. If McCarthy didn’t have CNN/Politico/Punchbowl, he wouldn’t have anything.

More: CNBC

This is fine

Remember Ginni Thomas? She was part of the coup attempt against the United States a couple years ago. Oh and she’s married to a Supreme Court justice who hates Americans. So yeah it concerns us when we learn that Ginni raised $600,000 from anonymous donors to continue her war against Americans she doesn’t like. What a cool country we have.

More: Forbes

Not a witch hunt

New polling shows that most Americans think the investigations into Trump are totally legit. And a Fox poll shows that 61 percent of Americans don’t want Trump re-elected. An NPR poll shows that 56 percent think the investigations into Trump are fair. Truth be told, these poll numbers just depress the shit out of us. Orange dickhead has been on a crime spree for years and half of America doesn’t know or doesn’t care. Guess it’s our job to wake them the fuck up.

More: Fox

Today’s clips

A staffer for Sen. Rand Paul (R-Ky.) was hospitalized with what police called “life-threatening injuries” after being stabbed in Washington, D.C., over the weekend. More: HuffPost

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