3.27.23 Still waiting on that Republican budget

Be advised: This newsletter is to cussing what Ron DeSantis is to french-kissing hog anus — the best to ever do it.

Note: Howdy, Sexy Patriots! How was your weekend? Are you ready to get back in the saddle? You were until you read the words “french-kissing hog anus?” Well we certainly get that. We had a good weekend too. It was totally chill. We drove down to Texas to the site of a mass cult death and embraced domestic terrorism against the United States of America. Oh wait. That wasn’t us…

Well that ain’t good. Even worse? Koresh was more charming. But seriously, folks, we’re starting with fucking Waco? The election is still a year and a half away and we’re starting with Waco?! Where do you go from there? Jonestown? Is Trump gonna start wearing those black Nikes like the Heaven’s Gate folks? Is it just gonna new level of dumb and unthinkable craziness every day until American and our brains are broken? Why yes, TBS, that’s exactly what’s gonna happen until the Republican convention when Trump tries to fuck one of those circus bears that can balance itself on a ball. Buckle up, SPs. This is the trajectory. Y’all ready to fight some dumb crazy? Cool. Us too. Y’all have a great day.

Note two: It only took a billion years and who knows how many of their citizens died who didn’t have to, but hey North Carolina finally expanded Medicaid. This means more lives saved by Obamacare. More: AP

Note three: Ron DeSantis might be a super creep but at least he surrounds himself with the scum of the earth… More: Bulwark

Note four: We waited until Note Four to tell y’all that the Manhattan grand jury is back to work. But after last week, we’re trying to temper expectations until that motherfucker actually gets indicted. More: WSJ

Note five: Trump’s army of adult virgins suffered more casualties to Stormy this weekend…

Note six: Things are continuing to go great for Fox as a producer they just fired has now added more allegations to her lawsuit against them. She seems like a pretty horrible person too tbh and should probably sue herself afterward. More: CNN

Note seven: Holy shit y’all are you watching the women’s March Madness? Have you seen Caitlin Clark play?! More: ESPN

Note eight: DeSantis is expanding his hateful bigoted anti-gay law to all grades. This was always going to happen and the people saying it wouldn’t should fuck off and eat shit. What the effing fuck has happened to the Sunshine State? More: AP

Note nine: Howard Schultz is supposed to testify in front of a Senate committee this week. Anyone excited to see an anti-union douchebag get roughed up? We are too. More: CNBC

Note 10: The New York Post is garbage, but we really hope it’s true that Alvin Bragg’s office called Gym Jordan’s harassment “bullshit.”

Note 11: Michigan has repealed the anti-union Right-to-Work law. Elections matter. So do strong leaders like Big Gretch. More: PBS

Note 12: LOLOLOLOL!!!! Remember when we were told Elon Musk is a genius and not the fucking loser who kisses Catturd’s ass? More: Guardian

Note 13: We’re sending love to Mississippi after terrible tornadoes ripped through the state this week. Biden didn’t hesitate to grant federal aid even though the state’s leadership is human garbage. More: NBC

Note 14: Was anyone glad to have Succession back last night?

Note 15: We needed this today. Thanks, Sesame Street.

Note 16: Three House Republicans want to take away local and state prosecutors’ authority to prosecute former presidents. We’re sure the press will ask these kiss-asses if Democrats have a wokeness problem. More: Independent

Note 17: Mitch McConnell was apparently released from the hospital last month. We hear he actually went into hiding because he’s pregnant with Ted Cruz’s baby. See? We can make up idiotic conspiracy theories too. More: NBC

Note 18: It’s smart of Trump to have Ted Nugent at his rallies so he’s not the grossest shitstain there. More: Salon

Note 19: They’re voting in Wisconsin! We’ve got EIGHT DAYS to bring this motherfucker home! C’mon, Judge Janet!

Note 20: And on that cheery note, let’s go do some news. We hope y’all had a great weekend and are ready to kick some ass this week. Love y’all!

Go Liz!

We love us some Elizabeth Warren. She is a tireless fighter for consumers and main street folks, and she makes billionaires cry which we love. That’s why we were so dang happy today to see that she has officially announced she is running for re-election. Go get ‘em, Liz!

More: NBC

What budget?

You know how Joe Biden keeps asking where the House Republican budget is? Well they still don’t have an answer. So this week Biden is going to hit the road to North Carolina to blast these fucking nitwits for being so fucking nitwitless. But doesn’t it seem like the press should be asking where the House Republican budget is too? Hmmmm.

More: AP

C’mon, Florida

A school in Tampa Bay has pulled a Disney movie in Tampa Bay because one parent complained that children might learn that some white people hate Black people. Well that’s called an education. The people who yelled and spit at Ruby never went away. They just sat there being the fucking worst and shitting out dumb ugly ass kids until Trump came along and told them all it was time to come out and play. We really hope Ron DeSantis is the nominee. We’d love to see him answer for this shit.

More: Tampa Bay Times

Yikes

So some good news/bad news from this weekend. Good news: Our democratic crisis wasn’t alone. Bad news: Our democratic crisis wasn’t alone. Israel saw enormous and intense protests this week as Netanyahu continued to destroy Israel’s democracy, firing everyone who tried to stop him. If you want a preview of a second Trump term, just look at Bibi. Thank to you to all the Israelis who took to the streets.

More: CNN

Today’s clips

An attorney for Donald Trump acquiesced that a threatening image the former president posted on social media last week targeting Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg was “ill-advised.” More: HuffPost

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