3.24.23 The Florida freakshow threatens America

Be advised: This newsletter has a potty mouth. And surprisingly defined calves.

Note: Well, Sexy Patriots, the week of righteous wackiness that wasn’t is just about over, and Waco weekend is upon us. Yeah, after waiting the last several days to finally see some orange karma, we totally get it if you’re exhausted and losing faith. That’s why it’s TBS pep talk time. Huddle up, team…

We started this newsletter five years ago and the one message that hasn’t changed other than it getting increasingly creepy as it hits on you from your inbox is that no one was ever coming to save us except ourselves. Trump is a criminal and a traitor and he has thoroughly exposed the weakness and flaws of our justice system. His white bronco never runs out of gas. Mueller didn’t stop him. Impeachment didn’t stop him. Being a dumbfuck sleaze who stares at eclipses didn’t stop him.

We did.

Us and 81 million of our closest friends did what the legal system wouldn’t. We sent a whiny and cowardly criminal packing. So don’t despair or lose sexiness. It would be nice if shit worked the way it’s supposed to and the people we pay taxes to had the guts to do their jobs and take this fucker down. But if they don’t, the Sexy Patriots will. Again. Frankly, we’ve developed a taste for it. Have a great weekend, SPs.

Note two: This is exactly what we’re talking about. These women in Nebraska are showing us what it looks like to fight. The warriors were looking for are staring back us in the mirror.

Note three: Also, that is some high-quality motherfucking shade and Sen. Hunt can guest-write TBS any damn time she wants to. If you’d like to read more about the heroic effort to stop anti-trans legislation, HuffPo has a good story today… More: HuffPost

Note four: You know how Dark Biden issued his first veto this week? Well Republicans failed to override it yesterday. Weird. You’d think the guy who needed 15 votes to become speaker could lock that shit down no problem. More: CNN

Note five: On April 1, twitter is planning to get rid of legacy blue checks. It’s hard to describe the kind of idiotic chaos that is likely to unleash on April Fool’s Day. But there is one thing you can be sure of — we ain’t never giving that dumb rich motherfucker a penny of our money. More: CNN

Note six: Yesterday, while the speaker of the house was meeting with a woman whose daughter attacked the United States Capitol in a QAnon frenzy, one of his members — Rep. Pat Fallon — was throwing the parents of a dead Parkland student out of his committee, comparing them to insurrectionists and having them arrested. For reasons we don’t understand, neither the press nor most of the Democratic Party seemed to give a shit about any of this. Thank you to Rep. Maxwell Frost and Eric Swalwell for stepping up.

Note seven: We’re not talking enough about what a post-Roe country is doing to women in America. There are so many breathtaking horrible stories, and there is little acknowledgment by a news media that wants to treat millions of people being stripped of basic human rights as just a midterm campaign issue. We’re seeing red states move to stop ballot initiatives because they are being used to protect abortion rights. In many states, women are suffering. We’re not gonna stop being fucking furious, we’re not gonna stop fighting and we’re sure as fuck not gonna stop talking about it. Even if the New York Times does. More: AP

Note eight: Btw, Josh Hawley’s scumbag wife is one of the people leading the charge to get more women killed. The Hawley family is deranged. More: Vanity Fair

Note nine: Last week the Washington Post wrote a story about how Pence is now standing as his own man. He has since done a media tour attacking Alvin Bragg and calling for Trump to not be prosecuted. Remember when the Washington Post used to be good at this stuff? More: CBS

Note 10: Trump’s lawyer Evan Corcoran is testifying in the classified docs case today. Probably not a good think when they can convince a judge your lawyer needs to testify. More: CNN

Note 11: Sen. Tina Smith had a subtweet for Kyrsten Sinema’s trash ass, and this is why we love Tina Smith…

Note 12: While we were writing, Kentucky Gov. Andy Beshear vetoed a super cruel anti-trans bill that Republicans snuck through the legislature at the last minute. Thank you, Andy! Unfortunately, the state Republicans can and will override the veto with a simple majority. More: WKYT

Note 13: We enjoy hockey. Adam roots for the Washington Capitals and Sam the LA Kings. And neither of us will ever ever ever root for the Chicago Bigots. Oh sorry. That should be Blackhawks. More: AP

Note 14: What we’ve been able to do in Michigan is just remarkable. What it’s done to the state Republican Party’s brain there might be even more remarkable. Yikes. More: MLive

Note 15: Did y’all see those men’s March Madness games last night?! Holy shit! This tournament is so awesome that we’re just waiting for Elon to buy it and fuck it up.

Note 16: Dark Brandon is visiting the Great White North, and we’re grateful to our kind neighbors for giving him such a warm welcome.

Note 17: Riley Williams, the young woman who was directing Jan. 6 terrorists as they assaulted cops and attacked the Capitol and stormed into Speaker Pelosi’s office, was sentenced to three years yesterday. Have fun, Riley! More: CNN

Note 18: Kari Lake is still not governor of Arizona.

Note 19: Since it’s been a fucked up crazy intense week, let’s knock off a note early today and have a little dance party. Wherever you are, join in if the mood grabs you. We love you, SPs, and we know things are scary crazy. But we’ve got each other, and baby, that’s a lot.

Field trip

So the day after McCarthy met with Ashli Babbit’s mother — after refusing to meet with Capitol police ‚— Marjorie Taylor Greene and her pet Jamie Comer are taking the House Oversight Committee to the DC jail to feel sorry for people who attacked the United States. Because Democrats aren’t fucking idiots, we’re sending two members too — Reps. Summer Lee and Jasmine Crockett are going — so they can call bullshit. Republicans are the proud party of Jan. 6. We need to make them eat that.

More: NBC

Speaking of Jan. 6…

Early voting is underway in Wisconsin for a crucial Supreme Court seat that could well determine if American democracy survives. We are all in on Judge Janet for lots of reasons, but one of them is her opponent is a right-wing nut job who is funded by anti-abortion extremists and likes hanging out with the scum who were at the Capitol that terrible day. Let’s do this, Judge Janet!

More: AP

Fuck him

Trump is having an all-time meltdown over on Truth Social this week, and it seemed to hit it’s frenzied peak late last night as he warned of “potential death and destruction” if he’s indicted. He’s following that up with a rally in Waco this weekend. Anybody else sick and tired of being threatened by this cheap fuck? Maybe prosecutors should make some goddamn decisions while we still have a country.

More: HuffPost

Today’s clips

The Senate Ethics Committee said Thursday that Sen. Lindsey Graham, R-S.C., violated Senate rules during a Fox News appearance last year when he requested donations for Hershel Walker’s Senate campaign in Georgia. More: NBC

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