3.23.23 Kari Lake is addicted to losing

Be advised: This newsletter cusses. It’s given us something to do while we wait for a goddamn indictment.

Note: Well, Sexy Patriots, what the fucking fuck? Where are the fucking indictments? Did Van Jones succeed in getting Alvin Bragg to return to coward form? Did Trump’s Truth Social meltdowns win over Bragg? Is this just all a fucked up Truman Show and Trump is the ultimate prank on us?

Regardless, we’ve had enough waiting. So we’re taking matters into our own hands. ROAD TRIP! Last night, we got out some stickers, some glitter and a sharpie and we made our own indictment. Today we’re firing up the TBS-mobile (a Gremlin with bald tires and a very weird smell) and heading to Florida to arrest Trump. Don’t worry. We’ve got one of Herschel Walker’s badges so we’re totally legit. And we won’t be carrying any books so Florida police won’t fuck with us. It’s time for Orange Dingus to taste justice, and apparently we’re the only fucking idiots willing to give it to him.

So look out, Donnie, here comes the fake law. And we ain’t afraid of no ketchup.

Note two: We shouldn’t be so hard on Bragg today as Trump referred to him as a “Soros backed animal” today. Yes, that is fucking racist and antisemitic as hell. But so is Trump. NO LINK AVAILABLE

Note three: The long and short of it is no indictment this week. Now look, we never believed Trump was getting arrested on Tuesday because the only source for that was a lying scumbag named Donald Trump. BUT WHAT THE FUCK?!

Note four: Bragg did fire back at House Republicans today by telling them they have zero legislative purpose in trying to haul him before Congress. (But because he’s kind of a chickenshit, he also offered them a chance to “meet and confer.”) More: WKRG

Note five: Here is Fox News and the Republican Party in a nutshell — only giving a shit about themselves…

Note six: We’re gonna talk about this more in a little bit but fuck Kyrsten Sinema. Soulless corrupt human garbage so vile she got us to break our Politico boycott. We’re saving it for the news section but we’re also really pissed off about it. But once again — fuck Kyrsten Sinema.

Note seven: Capitol Hill is grilling the head of TikTok today. We’re too old and uncool to know how to use that shit, but banning it sure seems like a great way to piss off an entire generation we need to win. More: NPR

Note eight: Ron DeSantis’s policies in Florida might be popular with the people who think Donald Trump is a handsome genius, but to people who aren’t fucking idiots they aren’t popular at all. Weird how that works. More: Yahoo

Note nine: We’re continuing to keep former President Carter in our thoughts, and we wanted to share this cool story about the Allman Brothers’ Dickey Betts reflecting on their relationship. More: Yahoo

Note 10: Florida has literally become a fucking Simpsons joke.

Note 11: Anyone else REALLY disappointed we haven’t heard more from Nashville artists or labels about Tennessee’s war on trans people and drag shows? Our deepest gratitude to those who are speaking up. More: AP

Note 12: This is it. This is the future for Red State America now that they have lost their goddamn minds and their goddamn souls. A hospital in Idaho will no longer offer labor and delivery services. Doctors don’t want to work there because they’re afraid of the state. Good work, Idaho! More: Today

Note 13: Talk about a Florida flip-flop! Last week Ron DeSantis told Tucker Carlson that the Russian invasion of Ukraine was a “territorial dispute.” Now he says Putin is a “war criminal.” Ron seems very confused. Taking his head out of his own ass might help. More: NBC

Note 14: We don’t have the heart to talk about Al Franken interviewing Lindsey Graham on the Daily Show a couple nights ago. Guess once you’re in that club, you’re always in that club. More: Star Tribune

Note 15: Elections matter. Wait. Sorry. Elections fucking matter. Almost forgot who we were for a second.

Note 16: Marjorie Taylor Greene and her pet Jamie Comer are taking a field trip to kiss some domestic terrorist ass tomorrow. It’s really cool how the beltway press keeps acting like this fucked up shit is totally normal. More: NBC

Note 17: Senate Democrats are running out of judicial vacancies to fill because Dick Durbin is too much of a gutless wimp to say fuck Republican blue slips. This is untenable. Get it together, Dick. More: Reuters

Note 18: After failing to monitor a failing bank, the Federal Reserve — led by a Trump appointee — once again raised interest rates yesterday. The Fed is hellbent on killing American jobs, and we’re damn curious why Elizabeth Warren is the only person with the guts to say so. More: CNN

Note 19: Willie Nelson has won a very cool award from the LBJ Foundation. We love you, Willie! More: Statesman

Note 20: And on that happy note, let’s go do some news! We know y’all must be frustrated as hell waiting for accountability that is slower than molasses with a flat tire. But hang in there! Justice is coming! If this ol’ Gremlin can make it to the Sunshine State! Love y’all!

Loser Lake

Kari Lake got her ass whooped at the Arizona Supreme Court yesterday. The state’s highest court rejected six of seven of her fucked up lunatic complaints and sent one back to a lower court. Bottom line — Kari Lake ain’t fucking governor. As she talks about running for the Senate, someone should tell her there’s already a corrupt shitty human being Senator in office from her state.

More: RawStory

Fuck Kyrsten Sinema

So yeah, we’re suspending our Politico boycott so you can read this story and be as pissed off as we are. Kyrsten Sinema didn’t just leave the Democratic Party. She actively hates us. She’s basically going around to Republican private equity groups and making fun of our leaders so they can laugh and give her money. She even talked about giving the finger to Ron Klain and bragged about how the Senate policy lunches are just “old dudes eating jello.” Don’t worry, Kyrsten. You’ll soon have plenty of time to not work after we defeat your sorry ass next year.

More: Politico

Danger, Dark Will Robinson

We got some new approval ratings for Biden from the AP, and they show a steep drop. He’s now at 38 percent after being at 45 percent in the same survey last month. So what has changed? One theory with a lot of credibility is that Biden has started moving to the center, and the young people who got him elected have noticed. Green-lighting the Willow Project and enabling Republican attacks on DC are not a good way to win elections. Turn this thing around, Dark Brandon. We believe in you.

More: Post-Gazette

Today’s clips

Abortion will again be legal in Wyoming — at least for now — after a judge on Wednesday temporarily blocked a ban that took effect a few days earlier. More: HuffPost

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