3.1.24 Didn’t see that coming

Be advised: This newsletter cusses like it’s having a birthday and the New York Times wants to talk about its age.

Note: Sexy Patriots! We hope you enjoyed your February. Welcome to March, which we recently realized is a very special time for TBS. It was after all five years ago this month that we decided to take this silly foul-mouthed newsletter public to share with your hot asses. It’s like they say — time flies when you’re cussing to try and save America from a dumbshit gameshow host and his army of assheads. Or something like that.

Y’all know the story by now. We started TBS for a few friends and for ourselves as a way to cope with the daily outrages of the Trump years. But then it kept growing. And the more we heard from you, the more we felt like we needed to keep going. We wanted y’all to know that you weren’t alone. And in turn you reminded us that we weren’t either.

We have laughed together, cried together, saved the country together, made fun of Rudy Giuliani together and of course cursed like some fucking sailors together. We love this newsletter, and we love you for giving it purpose and direction. Now we need to ask you a favor — help us help Today’s Big Stuff get bigger.

For the month of March, we’re going to be doing a subscriber drive. It won’t be anything formal because frankly we just don’t have our shit together that much. But we are gonna ask you to share us with your friends (only the cool ones who don’t pee themselves at the sight of an f-word). If you know of anyone who needs some sanity or some hilarious insanity, tell them about TBS. We want this crazy thing to be around for a while, but we need your sexy help to do it. So spread the (dirty) word!

We’re forever grateful to you Sexy Patriots for these last five years. Let’s see if we can keep this crazy shit train rolling for another five. Thank you, SPs. For standing beside us as we try to keep our cool, keep our country and keep our democracy. Now let’s see how big this twisted sonofabitch can get. Happy birthday to us. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: If you’d like to hear more about how we put this thing together and how much y’all mean to us, then please subscribe to our podcast This Week’s Big Stuff. You’ll be helping the profanity going here at TBS, and you’ll probably get some laughs too. More: Patreon

Note three: March is Women’s History Month. We should probably use this month to remind people that a major political party wants to make women’s rights history.

Note four: Like we were saying…

Note five: It sure sounds like Hunter Biden ate House Republicans’ lunch yesterday. What kind of idiots send Matt Gaetz to ask someone about drug use? More: NBC

Note six: Well, we’ve managed to avert a government shutdown. For another week. Seriously. Republicans agreed to another short-term funding bill that goes until early March. And yes, it is early March already. Oh and it only passed because Democrats gave the GOP the votes to do it. More: CNN

Note seven: You have seen what a complete joke the US House of Representatives is with Trump controlling it. Get ready to see him do the same to the Senate. More: Politico

Note eight: And really, Senate Democrats aren’t helping themselves with fear and weakness. Remember how we authorized subpoenas for the people corrupting the Supreme Court? Well we never actually issued the fucking things. Argh!!!!!! More: ProPublica

Note nine: Trump is back in court today as Aileen Cannon (we can’t bring ourselves to call her a judge) sets a trial date. Jack Smith wants to go in July. Trump wants it later. We assume she’ll set it for sometime in the year 2207. More: NBC

Note 10: This is the Republican Party, y’all. Anyone pretending otherwise is lying to themselves.

Note 11: Trump has a week to pay E. Jean Carroll. Anyone wanna bet he ain’t got the dough? More: Forbes

Note 12: HUGE congratulations to college basketball superstar Caitlin Clark, who announced yesterday she is turning pro after this season ends. We’ve given serious thought to making this newsletter a Caitlin Clark fan page. More: ESPN

Note 13: MAGA Mike Johnson just can’t say if destroying a human embryo is murder. Here’s a hint — it’s not. And he’s a creepy fucking asshole. More: HuffPost

Note 14: Congratulations to France, where the Senate just voted to enshrine abortion rights in the constitution. Must be nice to be in a country that doesn’t hate women. Also the food is wonderful. More: CNN

Note 15: Well this is pretty fucking badass. RIP.

Note 16: Michigan Republicans got another candidate for Senate yesterday as Justin Amash entered the primary. Hard to believe that dumpster fire of a state party is a dumpster fire. More: Politico

Note 17: Here’s a tip for anyone with half a brain who wants to get into business — DON’T GET INTO BUSINESS WITH A KNOWN CRIMINAL AND CON ARTIST LIKE DONALD FUCKING TRUMP. More: CNBC

Note 18: A new poll in the California Senate race shows Republican Steve Garvey winning. Don’t freak out. That ain’t gonna happen. But get ready for the press to lose their shit if he comes in first in the primary next week. More: Politico

Note 19: We like to end on a happy note and since we couldn’t really find one today here’s Rep. Robert Garcia taking Republicans to the woodshed over actual corruption…

Note 20: And on that refreshing note, let’s go do some news. Hard to believe it’s been five years, SPs. Y’all haven’t aged a bit. And that ain’t easy to do these days. We love y’all, and we’re so fucking grateful to you for joining us. Have an awesome weekend.

Didn’t see that coming

So yesterday Biden and Trump were both at the border. Trump was being his usual lying racist piece of shit self before sitting down with Hannity to brag about passing cognitive tests and accuse immigrants of “poisoning” America. But Biden did something very different. He called on Congress to pass the border compromise. And then he offered Trump a chance to work with him to pass it. Yeah, we were shocked too. But based on some of the headlines we’re seeing, it was a damn smart play. Will it work? Probably not. But we like the creativity.

More: Axios

Gonna do what?

If you’re a Republican these days, you should be running screaming from anything Alabama. But you should be doing the same with Trump and you’re not, so we should probably stop offering advice. That said, it seems pretty stupid to have an Alabama senator give the official state of the union response given that the state has declared war on women’s reproductive rights and IVF treatment. But that’s exactly what they did when they announced that Sen. Katie Britt will deliver the response. Um ok. Thanks for the help!

More: AP

Listen to him

While Trump was at the border yesterday, he did Hannity’s show because of course he did. And while doing the show, Trump once again said he’s open to a national abortion ban and bragged about overturning Roe v. Wade. He said “we did a very good thing.” We get that the press and the punditry want to make this race about everything but democracy and abortion, but this race is gonna be about democracy and abortion. And Trump just can’t fucking help himself.

More: Politico

Today’s clips

After several days of extraordinary testimony, the judge in the Georgia election interference case against former President Donald Trump is set to hear arguments Friday over whether Fulton County District Attorney Fani Willis should be removed from the prosecution over a romantic relationship. More: HuffPost

Two prominent Democratic senators urged President Joe Biden to take immediate action to help negotiate an urgent cease-fire after more than 100 people were killed when Israeli troops opened fire on a crowd waiting for humanitarian aid in Gaza City on Thursday. More: HuffPost