2.6.24 Veto threat

Be advised: This newsletter cusses like it’s being impeached by Marjorie Taylor Greene. Can you fucking imagine?

Note: Well, Sexy Patriots, we don’t have to tell you this but Capitol Hill Republicans are a dang disaster. Yes, it seems that the Jan. 6 cover-up assholes aren’t all that good at passing policy or doing really anything that doesn’t involve kissing orange ass.

JFC. Can it get any dumber? Actually don’t answer that. Because yes, yes it can. To prove that point, today we have an interview with an anonymous Republican senator.

TBS: What’s up, dumbass?

Anonymous Republican Senator: Not much. Just doing some senating.

TBS: That’s not a thing. Why is your crotch bleeding?

ARS: I seem to have shot off my own pecker while trying to change a lightbulb.

TBS: What?! Why would you… how did you… what are you doing now?

ARS: I’m going to put this parking cone on my head to stop the bleeding.

TBS: But… we don’t understand.

ARS: Purple lamp nipple clamp Trump is my daddy let’s smoke a fattie.

TBS: You’re not all there are you?

ARS: Pig nuts! Pig nuts! Pig nuts!

Ok we had to stop that interview because the senator had dog shit on the end of a stick and was trying to touch us with it. Anyway, we don’t think these folks are very serious about policy. Someone tell the Beltway media. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: We’re sending best wishes to King Charles. We don’t actually give a shit about the royals, but cancer sucks. More: NBC

Note three: Are we gonna win the Santos seat? Let’s please win the Santos seat. After all, it’s the fucking Santos seat. More: Politico

Note four: Happy birthday to Axl Rose who helped us learn how much fun it is being bad. We also love how much he hates Trump. Also, happy birthday to the late Bob Marley. We are very excited to see the new biopic about his life.

Note five: Who is this stubby-fingered fart nugget calling pathetic?

Note six: Well this is insane. Convicted Jan. 6 scumbags are running for Congress and House Republicans are totally cool with it. Probably because they’re all the same person. More: NOTUS

Note seven: We’d like to take this moment to congratulate the dumbshits who are bringing back measles. More: NBC

Note eight: Dark Brandon has done a great job confirming judges but now his push is in trouble. Let’s go! More: Politico

Note nine: You know the human garbage at Project Veritas who was pushing that 2020 election fraud lie? Well he now says he was wrong. Funny how lawsuit settlements help assholes like this find clarity. More: NBC

Note 10: We know how much we’re freaking out about November, but it makes us feel a little better that Dark Brandon seems so relaxed about it…

Note 11: Do you live in Nevada? If so, please go vote for Biden. And put $20 on black. We’ll pay you back we promise. More: AP

Note 12: Nikki Haley wants Secret Service protection. Normally we’d tell her to go fly a kite but running against Trump and his army of shit-eating crazies is dangerous business. More: NPR

Note 13: Los Angeles and SoCal have gotten absolutely crushed with rain. Sending love to the Golden State. Y’all be safe! More: CNN

Note 14: Congratulations to Jim Acosta who was announced as the 10 a.m. host on CNN. Jim is one of the few reporters out there who tells it like it is. More: Deadline

Note 15: Trump is making Ronna Not Romney twist in the wind until after the South Carolina primary and we think that is just fucking hilarious.

Note 16: Last week Joe Madison died and we really screwed up by not mentioning it sooner. A massive loss for this country. More: WHUR

Note 17: Scientists think we need a new category of hurricane because of climate change. We should probably do something about this before we’re all dead on an unlivable planet. More: HuffPost

Note 18: If you want to know what Joe Biden and Democrats have done, here’s a good taste… More: CNN

Note 19: We like to end on a happy note and nothing is making us happier right now than the DC Circuit’s decision that came out this morning so let’s just get to the gosh dang news section and talk about that shit.

Note 20: And on that poor excuse for a note, let’s go do some news! We hope this week is off to a great start for you. And we hope that poor senator gets the help he needs from that parking cone. Love y’all!

Impeachment?

House Republicans are voting to impeach DHS Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas today, the first immigrant to hold that job. And the best part is these fucking ghouls might not have the votes. We’ve seen two no votes already and with a razor thin margin these sick fucks can’t afford more defections. It’s so gross. Instead of actually voting on legislation that might do something about the border, they would rather attack a guy who’s just doing his job. Let’s hope this shit goes down in flames and House Rs are embarrassed again.

More: HuffPost

YAY!!!

It took a lot fucking longer than we would have liked but a three-judge panel with the DC Circuit ruled this morning that Trump is not immune from prosecution for his Jan. 6 crimes. It was a long decision but it sure looks airtight to our non-lawyer eyes. The court also ruled that Trump will have to appeal fast (and SCOTUS would have to take it up fast) or Judge Chutkan can get back to work holding this trial. This should have been an easy decision, and let’s hope even this broken and corrupt SCOTUS sees it that way.

More: CNN

Veto threat

Yesterday we told y’all about how MAGA Mike Johnson was trying to jam Democrats by holding a vote on a stand-alone aid package for Israel and fucking Ukraine in the process. Well Dark Brandon will not be jammed. Yesterday afternoon the president issued a veto threat over the bill noting that it’s either all or nothing. This is the kind of toughness we want to see from the White House and we’re damn happy to see Biden take this on. It’s well past time we all forced a reckoning with the Putin party.

More: CBS

Today’s clips

A major bipartisan border deal and foreign aid package appears on track to fail in the Senate later this week one day after its release amid relentless attacks from former President Donald Trump and top House Republicans. More: CNN

A super PAC backing President Joe Biden plans to spend upwards of $40 million starting in late spring focusing on Donald Trump’s mounting legal issues and his "threat to democracy," an issue that Biden's campaign itself has so far avoided directly attacking. More: NBC