2.28.23 Fox tried to rig an election

Be advised: This newsletter cusses. For democracy. Sweet fucking democracy.

Note: Howdy, Sexy Patriots! How the heck are you this fine Tuesday? Absolutely fucking horrified?! What a coincidence! So are we! Yesterday the world found out that Fox News straight up lied about the 2020 election and oh by the way was also feeding information about the Biden campaign to Jared Kushner. And y’all know the mainstream press will be done pretending to give a shit by this afternoon.

It’s really pretty fucking infuriating. We know these fuckers lied. We know they damaged our democracy. We know they’re still doing it. At what point do we start our own Fox with programming about how Tucker has sex with livestock and the livestock are terribly unsatisfied? Or is that too accurate to be on Fox?

The good news is we have been able to accurately sum up the relationship between Fox and its viewers. Here’s a handy guide you can cut out and carry with you to remember…

Fox: Will you eat our bullshit?

Fox viewers: Hell yes!

Fox: Will you eat some more of our bullshit?

Fox viewers: Hell yes!

Fox: Will you eat all the bullshit?

Fox viewers: Hell yes!

Fox: Even if we’re totally full of shit?

Fox viewers: Hell yes!

Yeah, it’s not really more complicated than that. They believe the lies because they want to and the truth makes them want to hide under the bed and pee themselves. We don’t know about y’all, but we’re damn proud to be on Team Truth. We just think it’s fucked up that it has to come from a cussing newsletter.

Note two: The corrupt and broken Supreme Court is hearing arguments today in Joe Biden’s efforts to forgive student loans for 40 million Americans. Guess how it’s going.

Note three: Today is the last day of Black History Month. We don’t even want to think about how Ron DeSantis is spending the day.

Note four: The Washington Post is a fucking mess. How the hell has their editorial board had ONE Black member for the last 15 years?! How?! More: Axios

Note five: Rupert Murdoch called Mitch McConnell and asked him to oppose Trump’s claims of a rigged election. This will come as a huge disappointment to the three people who don’t already know McConnell is a scumbag.

Note six: Yesterday Sen. John Fetterman’s office put out an update on the senator. There’s not much to report except he’s doing well and he’s in the right place. Get well soon, Senator! More: AP

Note seven: The Jan. 6 terrorists’ favorite judge struck again yesterday. He said it’s ok that a domestic terrorist threw a firecracker down a hallway jammed with police officers because the president told him to do it. And then he gave a very partisan speech attacking Merrick Garland. More: Justice 

Note eight: Anti-democracy assholes in Georgia challenged 92,000 ballots last year. What a stupid fucking law. More: NBC

Note nine: Trump is REALLY freaking out about Jack Smith these days. He keeps posting on Truth Social about how Smith is a “psycho mad dog” and we’re really hoping he’s right. NO LINK

Note 10: Speaking of psycho mad dogs. Seriously what the hell is wrong with these assholes?!

Note 11: The human garbage who killed Heather Hyers in Charlottesville is misbehaving in prison. You’d think a racist murderer would be better behaved. Or not. More: CBS19

Note 12: It’s so fucking crazy that there are like three Republican members of Congress who lied about who they are and the press is just kinda going with a shrug emoji. Hell, remember when we found out that one lady’s granddad was an actual goddamn nazi?! More: MSNBC

Note 13: Both the AP and PBS yesterday described Marianne Williamson as a “major” candidate. Maybe they don’t know what major means.

Note 14: It’s Election Day in Chicago. We love it when people are voting. Smells like democracy. More: NBC Chicago

Note 15: Well this just melted our hearts which we then cried out…

Note 16: Congratulations to SCOTUS Justice Jackson who authored her first majority opinion for the court which was released today… More: US News

Note 17: McCarthy is taking some heat over giving the Jan. 6 footage to Tucker Carlson. But CNN talked to Marjorie Taylor Greene and she said don’t worry because they’re protecting our national security. And CNN just went with that shit. More: Rolling Stone

Note 18: Semafor reported last night that a bipartisan group of senators is talking about raising the retirement age to 70. The only problem? There are no Democrats signed on. Angus King did. And that was enough for Semafor to lie to its readers. More: TPM

Note 19: Sending love and best wishes to Rep. Joaquin Castro who is recovering from surgery to remove some tumors. Get well soon! More: HuffPost

Note 20: And on that note, let’s go do some news. We hope your week is off to an awesome start. Or at least we hope you’re able to fake it. Have a great day, SPs, and we’ll see you tomorrow. Love y’all!

DeSantis World

So yesterday a Republican governor completed his takeover of a private business because it was too “woke.” Yeah, fascism officially landed in America yesterday and all the political reporters are too busy kissing its ass to tell us about it. Not only did DeSantis take over that special Disney district, but he also put political loyalists on the board and said he wants them to have a hand in content production. So what fucking country is Florida apart of now?

More: NY Mag

WTF?!

So we mentioned this earlier but we think we should talk about it a lot. FOX NEWS GAVE INSIDE INFORMATION ABOUT JOE BIDEN’S AD AND DEBATE STRATEGIES TO JARED FUCKING KUSHNER. Is the White House ready to go to war? Are Senate Democrats? Or are we gonna high road this insanity too? Fox long ago declared war on American democracy. Let’s meet them on the battlefield.

More: HuffPost

Hot ticket

CPAC just isn’t the draw that it used to be. And it isn’t just because Matt Schlapp allegedly sexually assaulted some dude who worked for Herschel Walker. No it seems that even the dumbest dumbshits on the planet have slowly started to figure out that it’s just a scam dressed up as a nazi rally. The big speakers we’ve seen this year include Bolsonaro and Mike Lindell. So have fun with that shit, losers.

More: NBC

Today’s clips

Former President Donald Trump renewed his attacks on Fox News on Monday, accusing the network of downplaying his popularity over Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis (R).

“FoxNews is promoting Ron DeSanctus so hard and so much that there’s not much time left for Real News,” Trump wrote on Truth Social. “The new Fox Poll, which have always been purposely terrible for me, has ‘TRUMP Crushing DeSanctimonious,’ but they barely show it.” More: HuffPost

Sen. Joe Manchin (D-West Virginia) says he will likely vote with Republicans to block a D.C. bill that overhauls the city’s criminal code, significantly raising the prospect that Congress could overturn a local city measure for the first time in three decades. More: DCist

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