2.27.23 Republicans level up their racism

Be advised: This newsletter cusses. On Mondays it cusses like a motherfucker.

Note: Howdy, Sexy Patriots! How was your weekend? Well it must’ve been restful and rejuvenating because y’all are looking even more sexier and patrioticer than you did last week, and we didn’t think that was possible.

If you’re like us, you spent a good 20 to 25 minutes of this weekend laughing at this…

LOL please clap. As Adam said this weekend, the DeSantis campaign has taken another hit. If you’re Jeb, wouldn’t you just disappear and never be heard from again? And if you’re Racist Ron, do you even want this shit? Our favorite part of DeShithead’s coverage so far is the way every reporter finds a way to talk about how weird and offputting people find DeSantis’s personality. We did some digging and here are some of his other quirks…

— Gross and sweaty and really small hands

— Stands weird like Trump

— Chronic leprechaun peen

— Emits a high-pitched nasally whining every time he opens his fucking mouth

— Smells like Trump’s ass and fear

— Inappropriate erections at book burnings

— He’s got the ear farts

— Fucked up awesome white boots for the rest of us

— SUPER FUCKING RACIST

So yeah, that’s just a few of the fucked up personality traits that make Racist Ron DeShithead super popular in the Republican Party and with the national press corps. What a normal fucking country we are. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: So Fox has basically invented some presidential candidate named Vivek. This is a totally real thing and we plan on totally ignoring it because fuck Fox and fuck Vivek. More: Media Matters

Note three: What’s the opposite of breaking news? Elon Musk is a racist piece of shit. More: CNN

Note four: But if we’re talking about Elon being a racist piece of shit, then we’re not talking about how badly he is fucking up twitter, right? Gosh. That guy really is a genius. More: Tech Crunch

Note five: Fox won’t let Fox’s shitty journalists cover Fox’s shitty journalism…

Note six: Even for Mississippi, this is some fucked up shit. More: CNN

Note seven: This morning, Rep. Elissa Slotkin announced a run for that open Michigan U.S. Senate seat. Like California, this race will have a lot of good Democrats, so we’re staying out of it. Good luck to all challengers. More: CNN

Note eight: Sigh. It’s not like we were ever gonna take medical advice from Woody Harrelson that didn’t involve weed, but it still sucks to see him go on CNN and push some anti-vaxx bullshit. Was he even playing a character on Cheers? More: Daily Beast

Note nine: So this was from last week and it was fucking hilarious. Gym Jordan and his GOP buddies went to the border looking for crossing immigrants and couldn’t find any. In his defense, Gym is really bad at seeing crimes when they’re happening. More: Cleveland.com

Note 10: Why haven’t the Twitter Filed frauds been all over this? Is it because they’re completely full of shit?

Note 11: Ugh. All the major Alabama newspapers stopped printing dead tree versions of their papers. Maybe this is why democracy is curling up and dying. More: AL.com

Note 12: Tennessee is about to ban drag shows. That means we better see every last musician we support going to war with the state over this evil stupid backwards bullshit. WHO THE FUCK CAN HATE A DRAG SHOW?! More: New Republic

Note 13: CNN has some HUGE fucking problems. Maybe they should stop putting corrupt assholes on air. We realize how crazy that sounds. More: Media Matters

Note 14: Since the press is going to treat these idiotic Republican investigations seriously, the White House is ready to go to war. And we are damn glad to see it. More: NPR

Note 15: Oh hell yeah. Dark Brandon took a shot at Fox’s Dominion lies. Hit ‘em harder, Joe!

Note 16: If you’re not watching Caitlin Clark play basketball, then you are missing out! More: ESPN

Note 17: We were gonna post and make jokes about Marjorie Taylor Greene’s workout video, but it’s a Monday and we actually do love y’all and we just didn’t see any reason to do that to you. You’re welcome. NO LINK

Note 18: Joe Manchin went on Fox this weekend and refused to say if he’s a Democrat. It’s cool. We refuse to say he’s a Democrat too. More: Rolling Stone

Note 19: Brittney Griner spoke at the NAACP Image awards this weekend and called for all Americans to be returned home. Damn it makes us happy to see her free and back on US soil. More: CNN

Note 20: And on that happy note, let’s do some news and then knock out this Monday. We sure hope y’all had a great weekend and are ready to kick some ass for democracy this week. Love y’all!

Bye, Dilbert

So Scott Adams has been a freak for a while. This is the same asshole who talks about killing his step-son. He’s also been a racist asshole for a while. But like a lot of racist assholes, he kept it just hidden enough that he kept his day job. Until this weekend. Yeah, Dilbert Douchebro went on a racist rant that he posted and that’s pretty much the end of Dilbert. Or is it? As we mentioned earlier, Elon and the super racist fuckhead brigade came running to Douchebert’s defense. Look on the bright side — at least these fuckers aren’t hiding who they are anymore.

More: AP News

So fucking gross

So like a lot of stories about racism, this one flew under the radar last week. Rep. Lance Gooden has been making super fucking racist attacks against Rep. Judy Chu and questioning her loyalty to the US. He doubled down on these attacks this weekend. It’s pretty fucked up that Republicans do this awful shit so often that we can miss one episode. But we’re fully aware now and we demand some goddamn answers.

More: Axios

Let’s fucking go!

So everyone wants to talk about Dark Brandon’s age and shitty Politico stories about whether or not he’ll run again. Well we’ll take Dr. Jill Biden over any of those other sources, and the good doctors says that Dark Brandon is ready to run and ready to fucking win. So let’s freaking do this. If FLOTUS is in, then so are we.

More: CNN

Today’s clips

CIA Director William Burns said Russian President Vladimir Putin is “too confident” that he can defeat Ukraine as China considers providing lethal military aid to Moscow. More: HuffPost

Appearing at the doorstep of Walt Disney World, Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis signed a bill Monday that gives him new power over Disney, effectively punishing the entertainment giant for speaking out against the Republican’s political agenda. More: CNN

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