2.26.24 Nice try

Be advised: This newsletter cusses like it’s Monday. Because goddamnit it’s Monday.

Note: Sexy Patriots! How was your weekend? That crazy, huh? Well good for you. Us? Well we didn’t hang out with n-word dropping nazi scum so we had a better weekend than Donald Trump. Yeah, that’s a thing that really happened and we’ll link to it in the second note. But we just couldn’t bring ourselves to dive into the deep end of the shit pool right away this morning, so we decided to make the opening note about this story instead…

WHOA!!! Is it the White House or the Barry White House?! LOL! So yeah, before we get to nazi fuckheads, here are our top six new nicknames for our amorous president…

TMI-den

Dark Brandon After Dark

Gittin’ in On Brandon

Joey Luv

The Delaware Don Juan

The Scranton Screwer

We realize that last one makes him sound like a serial killer, but we threw it in there anyway. Go some of your own? Shoot us an email. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: Sigh. Here’s the Trump CPAC nazi shit. More: NBC

Note three: NBC published that story on Saturday. On Sunday they did a story about how Trump’s staff wants him to start focusing on policy. FUUUUUUUUCCKKKKKKK!!!!!!! NO GODDAMN LINK

Note four: Don’t worry, everyone. Despite his two-week vacation and endless incompetence, MAGA Mike Johnson says he has a plan to avoid a partial government shutdown this week. Actually, maybe you should worry. More: NBC

Note five: There’s a lot of important news to get to today, but please don’t miss Lindsey Graham getting booed in South Carolina. What a fucking loser.

Note six: A man set himself on fire outside the Israeli embassy in DC. This fucking nightmare has got to stop. Please! More: Axios

Note seven: There’s a new book that explains why Melania wore that fucked up jacket that one time. And we’re sorry, but we really don’t care. Do U? More: Daily Beast

Note eight: WaPo’s Taylor Lorenz took that Libs of TikTok trash to school. The trash was not happy about it. More: The Wrap

Note nine: Trump says Nov. 5 is gonna be “judgment day” for all the people who criticize him. Fuck him. More: HuffPost

Note 10: We’re grateful to Gavin Newsom for two things 1. Staying on offense against the crazies in this country and 2. Still being a good surrogate for Biden/Harris while he does. Good on you, Gavin. Please watch and share this powerful ad.

Note 11: Well this is just freaking amazing. New York AG Letitia James is tweeting out every day how much interest Trump is accruing. We didn’t know tweets could still make us stand up and cheer. More: RawStory

Note 12: It probably won’t surprise you to hear that Trump spent his weekend being a racist piece of shit. More: ABC

Note 13: Remember when all those US spies warned that the Hunter Biden shit seemed like Russian garbage? Well they were right. More: NBC

Note 14: The Michigan primary is this week. We understand why people want to send a message to Biden. We really do. We just worry that if he loses or struggles, it will also send a message to a lot of really awful people. More: Michigan Advance

Note 15: LOL! Someone want to fact-check this horseshit?

Note 16: Meet Oklahoma State Sen. Tom Woods, who responded to the death of a nonbinary teenager in his state by saying that LGBTQ people are “filth.” Tom Woods can go fuck himself and then eat shit. More: Salon

Note 17: The NRA had a really shitty Friday. Which means it was a good Friday for America and people who don’t like kids getting shot. More: ABC

Note 18: So this is an important read and it somehow came from Politico. Here’s what we’re looking at from a Trump second term. Read it, believe it and defeat it. More: Politico

Note 19: We like to end on a happy note. Today’s happy note is Ronna Not Romney McDaniel is stepping down as RNC chair. We know she’s being replaced by Trump’s idiot family, but we just wanted to take a second to tell Ronna not to let the door hit her on her ass-kissing ass on the way out. What a terrible human being. More: NBC

Note 20: And on that fun note, let’s go do some news! Have a great week, Sexy Patriots. We’ve got some exciting TBS shit going down in March, and we can’t wait to tell you about it. Have an awesome Monday, and we’ll see you back here tomorrow. Love y’all!

WHAT?!

Clarence Thomas is an unethical asshat whose wife participated in a coup attempt against the United States of America. He’s also a Supreme Court Justice and a racist. Yeah, we know how that sounds coming from two white guys. But um he just hired a clerk who once texted “I HATE BLACK PEOPLE.” Yeah, and she didn’t stop there. Her legal career should have though. So yeah, just when you think Thomas and our Supreme Court can’t get anymore fucked up, here we are.

More: Vanity Fair

Hmmm

So if you watched any mainstream news this weekend, you probably heard all about how badly Trump beat Nikki Haley in her home state of South Carolina on Saturday. What you should have heard is that Trump has some serious problems with his own party. Dude is running as an incumbent and struggling to put up Biden-like numbers. He likes to say the GOP is 95 percent Trump. So shouldn’t he be winning 95 percent of the vote? We’ve still got a ton of work to do, but this dude ain’t Godzilla.

Nice try

Trump, seeing across-the-board outrage over Alabama’s decision to threaten IVF treatments, is claiming he supports the procedure and wants to see it protected. That’s what the National Republican Senatorial Committee (NRSC) is telling its candidates to say too. It’s even what MAGA Mike Johnson said on Friday. There’s only one problem — THEY ARE THE FUCKING REASON THIS IS HAPPENING!!! Yeah, Trump’s SCOTUS judges, who the Republican Senate confirmed, overturned Roe with Dobbs which was mentioned 14 fucking times in the Alabama decision. Oh and all those House Republicans now claiming they want to protect IVF? Well 125 of them voted for an anti-choice bill that did not include exceptions for IVF. So yes they are fucking lying.

More: Business Insider, HuffPost

Today’s clips

A former political consultant for President Biden's long shot Democratic primary challenger Rep. Dean Phillips said Sunday he commissioned an AI-generated robocall impersonating the president. More: Axios

Nikki Haley will travel to Michigan on Sunday after suffering a decisive loss in her home state of South Carolina, marking her fourth straight defeat in the Republican presidential primary. Donald Trump continued his undefeated streak with a double-digit win in South Carolina, further cementing his hold on the Republican party and raising more questions about Haley’s decision to remain in the primary. More: Guardian

An Israeli military offensive in Gaza’s southernmost city of Rafahcould be “delayed somewhat” if a deal is reached for a weekslong cease-fire between Israel and Hamas, Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu said Sunday, and claimed that total victory in the territory would come within weeks once the offensive begins. More: HuffPost

Americans For Prosperity Action, the powerful conservative group supporting Nikki Haley in the Republican presidential primary, will no longer spend money on behalf of her campaign. More: Politico